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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in being astonished my friend let her son do this?

43 replies

nula · 29/12/2008 17:40

Yesterday, picnic in park with me, friend and our kids.

She had bought a BIG family bag of crisps and dips to share with her sons (7 and 6)

her 7 yo was hogging the crisps and dips and she said "please would you pass me some?"

He said NO and hogged all the food up his end of the table. As i was sitting next him I sort of jollied him along and said "come on. mummy is hungry". He still refused to let her have any food...

So she said "Please , Damien..?"

I grabbed the crisps and actually ended up tussling with this boy!

Then the mum said "it's ok, if you don't want to...that's all right "

Please tell me is this in any way acceptable
a)from the boy
b) from the mum (who is a very lovely person )

I have been scratching my head ever since

OP posts:

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 29/12/2008 18:03

she'd eaten nothing - why was there only crisps on offer at the picnic????

naturalbornmum · 29/12/2008 18:05

nula - you did right Why should she not have some crisps?

beansprout · 29/12/2008 18:07

Nula - don't post on AIBU if you are just going to argue with anyone who disagrees with you, there's no point!

juuule · 29/12/2008 18:08

And I'm sure she wouldn't starve due to not having a handful of crisps.
If everyone else had finished what's the problem with him finishing them off?
You didn't sit there passively, you tried to jolly him to do it.
Instinctive to pass something? You said that you were effectively forcing him to pass it.

Don't think salt compares.

MarmadukeScarlet · 29/12/2008 18:10

My very good friend is a passive parent, to the extent that her DS is not pleasant to be around (he is in Yr1). This is exactly the sort of thing he would do.

The poor woman is probably exhausted by the ongoing struggle of having such a defiant child and finds giving in easier, as my friend does.

My friends DS has now started really hitting and kicking her when she tries to get him to do anything against his will. I am so sad for her.

Nula, it is a very tricky situation for you.

Original poster

nula · 29/12/2008 18:10

Beansproup I was clarifying .
I am perfectly prepared to accept if this is generally considered ok behaviour.

I obviously need to get out more if it is.

Gold there was other stuff- fruit, biscuits, - he was hogging the lot!!

OP posts:

believer07 · 29/12/2008 18:11

It could have been to save you from WORSE.

cornsilk · 29/12/2008 18:11

I'd have done the same thing as as the mum (let it go for then)and spoken to him about it in private.

Original poster

nula · 29/12/2008 18:13

Jule why does salt not compare ?

Mum"Damien, pass the salt"

Damien "NO"

Mum "pass the salt. Now! Please! "

Me - passes salt because I can reach it.

What is the difference?

Marmaduke he also hits and kicks her

OP posts:

mamamakescake · 29/12/2008 18:13

It makes the child in question look like a brat. and the parent a playdough mum.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 29/12/2008 18:18

juuule · 29/12/2008 18:20

I said the salt didn't compare as I couldn't imagine a 7yo wanting to hang onto salt. Not the same attraction as crisps.
Also, would you take the salt out of his hand?

Right, now that you are talking about hitting and kicking her, it doesn't sound as though this is an unusual occurrence that she's let slide due to avoiding a scene.
If this was a regular thing I would have warned the 7yo before the picnic that we would pack up and go home if he 'started'. And that's just what I would have done.

juuule · 29/12/2008 18:22

I'm not sure how he could hog everything either.
Did he sit on his own with his arms around it all?
I get the feeling that you don't like this child at all, Nula.

FrostytheSurfmum · 29/12/2008 18:25

I think there's a difference between instinctively passing something to her and stepping in when there's a mexican stand off going on. I probably wouldn't have done the latter, I'd have left her to sort it out her way, even if I didn't agree with it.

MrsMagooo · 29/12/2008 18:33

I would have done the the same thing as you OP.

How good a friend is she?

I have a friend who I love dearly, we have the same parenting views & so in your shoes I too would have passed (or attempted too) the crisps to my friend safe in the knowledge that my friend wouldn't think anything of it.

I agree with the others though - perhaps she was trying to avoid a big scene & he'll get a talking to later?

resolutions · 29/12/2008 18:57

you're being a bit mean both about your friend and her son .Not every child is grown up at 7 btw, its not all that old,just seems old if yours are younger.

deepinlaundry · 29/12/2008 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eulalia · 29/12/2008 19:06

I wouldn't give a child a large bag of crisps and expect them to realise that they are 'communal'. I always empty a large bag onto smaller plates so that each child has their own share. I think this may have confused the boy. We had a problem like this with our boy, but he does have autism so not exactly the same scenario I'd guess. One day he had a bag of crisps, a small bag - his own. Anyway his dad reached over and took one out of it and our son practically threw a fit. He refused to eat the rest of the bag, I think he felt they weren't his any more because someone else had eaten out of the bag. He was about 8 at the time, quite verbal but really unable to explain his anger. I know this isn't the same but it's funny how even NT children can act up about such things. My NT dd can be a bit like that, she is 6 and may have acted up but she would have handed the crisps over.

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