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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let my daughter spend her voucher in front of a friend?

18 replies

petitmaman · 29/12/2008 08:29

my dd (6) got a voucher for xmas.
this afternoon we are taking her and a friend to the panto. on the way we will pass the shop that the voucher is for. we dont pass it very often so would i be being unreasonable to take dd in to choose something? If it is relevent the voucher is for 5 pounds and the friend wants for NOTHING.
it does feel a bit mean though so should i just make dd wait. probably for weeks until we go again? am not willing to give friend money to spend as as i said she does not want for anything.
perhaps i should just ask her parents if that is ok with them so that they can give her money if they want to? what do you all think?

OP posts:

yawningmonster · 29/12/2008 08:31

tricky one, if children were older I would probably say yanbu but 6 year old could find this difficult even if she does want for nothing.

HallelujahHeisBorntoMary · 29/12/2008 08:34

Don't think its at all mean, but I would mention it to her parents, just so they can give her something if they want to....

purepurple · 29/12/2008 08:40

I don't think it is mean at all. Children need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them all the time.

NAB3hundredChristmaslights · 29/12/2008 08:42

I would be more concerned about the other child expecting to get something because her friend is spending a voucher. It isn't that you are handing over cash as an extra present and leaving out the child.

Fillyjonk · 29/12/2008 08:48

no I wouldn't do it. I'd wait. I think it could be percieved as rude.

I think it could also put pressure on the parents to give money to their child.

Is it really necessary to go on the way to the panto.

Mooseheart · 29/12/2008 08:49

When I was eight I was taken along to a toy shop with my 'best friend' and her mother. Before we went my friend said they would buy me something, then when we got there, literally at the door, she said "Ha ha we're not buying you anything at all" we then spent what felt like an hour traipsing around looking for something for her.

It was dreadful. I remember feeling like a total gimp following them around!

Anyway, despite all this it sounds like you are far more sensitive than the mother of my friend, it would be good to mention it to the parents but somehow them giving her £5 willy-nilly so it's all even stevens detracts from the treat and pleasure of your dd's gift somewhat. IYKWIM.

I think so long as you handle it sensitively, i.e. make sure your dd's friend is given lots of attention and you don't spend TOO long umming and aaring in the shop it will be fine. As another poster said, this is a fact of life - things can't always be equal and fair!

compo · 29/12/2008 08:51

you say 'we are ' taking to panot, does that mean dh as well? could dh and friend wait outside the shop while you are literally 2 minutes choosing something?

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 08:52

I'm with Filly, I think it's a pain but honestly I couldn't do that. unless your dd was willing to share the choosing of the item with ehr friend, play together with the item, on the way to the panto etc etc.

it could be quite fun if she can get something to play with together, that they both will enjoy - her friend might enjoy helping her spend it iyswim.

juuule · 29/12/2008 08:55

I don't see what the problem is.
If it was one of my children's friends they would probably go in and help my child to choose something to buy with the voucher.
My child would do the same for their friend.
The choosing would be fun to them.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 08:56

Yes yes Juule that's what I meant. It would be a shame to make the child wait outside if dd was choosing something just for her.

But if they were into the same things and both ran in there eager to choose, it might be excellent.

Bathsheba · 29/12/2008 09:01

I think it depends on a lot of things...

What shop is it - is it a shop that she will get something for £5 in, or will it be a case of you are actually spending £40 on her with her putting in £5 of it with her voucher...?

Do you know what you are going in for? Will it be just a pop in while we spend the voucher, or will it be a huge long drawn out saga while there is a choice of 245 different wonderful toy options laid out in front of her to choose from?

How "explainable to" is her friend - would it work if you explained "Suzy has a voucher for £5 from her Gran and Granda - we have to spend it today as its the only time we'll be past Johnstone Brothers - is it okay if we pop in there just to get something for Suzy" or do you think she is the type of child to be upset by Suzy getting a treat and not her...?

Personally I'd say to her parents - "We were intending to just nip into Johnstone Brothers to spend this voucher that Suzy has - do you think that will be okay with Jeanie..." and then her parents can handle it how they want - if they want to give Jeanie some money, or explain the trip to Jeanie and how its a treat from her grandparents, or if they want to bite the bullet and say to you "I'm sorry, we've had something like this happen before and she reacted badly because its her favourite shop too.."

27 · 29/12/2008 09:36

I dont think it would be rude at all. I think that an average 6 year old would understand this.
I think Bathshebas approach is good.

Fillyjonk · 29/12/2008 10:04

but I don't think this is about life not being fair

it is about being polite to a guest

I think it is good for children to learn that you should not flaunt your (relative) wealth, that you should take the feelings of others into account.

btw I think fine if your daughter knows what she wants, if perhaps they can chat while you grab what she wants off the shelf and pays. The problem is if there is extended browsing and choosing.

SparklyBaubleFeast · 29/12/2008 10:08

can't decide what i think. but i think juules has the right idea. it should be fun for the friend to help choose, she should also be grown up enough to be pleased for her and her present.
that's life.

morningpaper · 29/12/2008 10:10

seems a bit rude to me

I would wait

Why won't you be going for WEEKS? Why not make an afternoon trip of it? Compulsive purchases are usually shite anyway

hercules1 · 29/12/2008 10:10

I don't see this as a big deal. If you were spending a lot more ie your child was getting lots of things then no but for a fiver? Of course yanbu.

morningpaper · 29/12/2008 10:10

also the "If it is relevent the voucher is for 5 pounds and the friend wants for NOTHING" makes you sound a little bit like you WANT to have a dig at the friend

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 10:19

Yes it does a bit MP

was sort of thinking that but it didn't make it onto paper.

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