To want to shoot the inlaws?!!!

[Zebraa]

My DP has recently been offered a job in Surrey, where his family are from and live and has taken it. I'm a teacher by trade and we live in Cheshire, but as I found out I was pregnant whilst on Mat Leave, had to give up my job and am no a SAHM. So in theory there is no reason for me not to move to Surrey. However, as it's Christmas and a time spent with family (against our will!) I have spent some time in Surrey with the inlaws and I just hate the idea of having to move down there and even though DP explained that I am not 100% set on the idea, they felt the need to plan our lives out in Surrey the whole time. "When you move down, we can set this up" etc and I ended up feeling really hateful towards them and now I can't think of a shitter idea than moving down there!

Why do they feel like they know what's best despite how I actually feel?! I feel like they ignore everything I say and all they care about it their precious son and MY child and baby on the way!

'I feel that we need to establish ourselves in Surrey and whilst it's going to be great to be so close to your parents I think we should look at x location because it has loads to offer US as a family'

'It will be fantastic for YOU to see more of your parents but please be clear with them that I am very independant and so will need to find my feet MYSELF'

Thanks. I will note them down now and cross out words like mental...

go and talk to him. tell him that this is a huge move for you and that you really don't feel happy living in that area.
he NEEDS you to be happy with this move, and if he doesn't realise that then you need to make him.

research other areas and see if you can come up with something suitable.
whereabouts is his job? i am sure you can get some recommendations from ppl on hjere

Yes 'mental' 'your mother' 'hit' 'mad' 'old' 'bat' 'lock' 'in' 'garden shed' 'and lose key' are all things you should avoid.

Things like 'our family' 'I' 'would' 'like to discuss' are good

On these kind of threads, I usually find myself siding with the badly-done-to PILs. The OP usually turn out to be a control freak who wants things all her way and doesn't want to see things from her PILs point of view.

NOt in this case! The type of comments they are making to you make me shudder! No wonder you are worried! They are maybe the type of people you will just have to smile sweetly at and say "mmmm", absent-mindedly to whatever they say.

Haha yes, smile from a distance! Or even over webcam...

Zebraa it could be worse in a few months we will be moving 3 DOORS away from my PIL. They are lovely just a bit interfering and tut tut at our ideas.
Already had comments about the Village School. We are TTC there isn't even a baby yet! Even telling us which room should be our bedroom.

I'm very indpendent so from day 1 I will be making sure they know I'm busy etc I just hope it works.

Op, tell your DP that while his parents are lovely (), and that you know he will enjoy living closer to them, you really want to make sure that living TOO close to them doesn't put a sudden strain on the relationship - from both sides. After all, HE don't suddenly want to end up with you not even being on speaking terms with them because either they have done something to offend you or you have done something to offend them.

How is HE going to juggle the conflicting demands between a wife and a mother when he's a bit of a mummy's boy? I adore my MIL, think she's great, but when she visits my DP does turn into a bit of a mummy's boy which drives me a bit batty, TBH. But it's only every now and then as they live so far away so I just ignore it (and MIL doesn't use it to her advantage - yours sounds like she would!).

I normally think PIL get a rough deal but in this case I think you need to be very careful from the start or they will take over. I would put more than 3 miles between you to begin with.

You need to be more than 3 miles away. Surrey is big and has loads of major roads (even if they are rather clogged) so no reason to live that close to his work.

Also, make sure they don't have a key to the house, that way you can always pretend to be out if you need to

Zebraa, just reread this thread again, and what's coming across to me is that your heart doesn't seem to be in the whole idea of the move? Could I be right? Are your inlaws the ONLY problem? Will you miss your own family when you move down there and are you worried about that?

When are you due to move?

I just don't think that moving that far away just because it makes good financial sense it a good idea. There are loads of other factors involved. Are you totally happy with it all?

Zebraa, just reread this thread again, and what's coming across to me is that your heart doesn't seem to be in the whole idea of the move? Could I be right? Are your inlaws the ONLY problem? Will you miss your own family when you move down there and are you worried about that?

When are you due to move?

I just don't think that moving that far away just because it makes good financial sense it a good idea. There are loads of other factors involved. Are you totally happy with it all?

Zebra, I don't want to alarm you but I see a lot of trouble ahead here.

Imo, you are right in thinking that they see you as irrelevant. This is at the heart of IL problems- the blood relationships are what counts. What is needed between ILs is tact and manners, but if your MIL is making comments like "he is bringing in the money" this is the kind of woman who will drive you nuts over the years but your DP will tune it out as he knows they are on his side.

I would ensure that there is at least a half hour drive between you all if not more. Distance is the key to a troubled IL relationship.