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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...seriously...am I? (Grandparents behaving badly, IMO)

22 replies

Astrophe · 27/12/2008 23:39

We asked my parents to give the DC one gift each for Christmas.

They are just 2 and 4 years old, have so much already, have many doting Aunties, Uncles and Godparents who all love to treat them. If they had have given them each a package with a few books, or an outfit and a toy, or whatever, that would have ben fine - we are not really trying to be controlling, just want the kids to appreciate the real meaning of Christmas, and to appreciate what they are given.

So, my parents gave DD (4) a huge (gorgeous) wooden dolls house, 2 tops, 2 books, a china teaset, a watch, a dressing up outfit and other assorted odds and ends.

and gave DS (2) a huge wooden trainset (bizarre, as they know he already has one), a remote control car, a watch, 2 tops, a few books and assorted other odds and ends.

It made me feel almost sick to the stomach. DH and I feel that is a really inappropriate amount of stuff for a 2 and 4 yer old to recive - obscene really.

But AIBU? Should we just be grateful that ge GPs love to give gifts to their grandkids?

If IANBU, what, if anything, can we do about it?

OP posts:

jollyoldstnickschick · 27/12/2008 23:45

We have only one grandad and I would love to be treated like you and your dc - enjoy ot ots xms and its all about the children xx

jollyoldstnickschick · 27/12/2008 23:45

ot=it

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 27/12/2008 23:47

Grandparents behaved badly???????

OK, so they may have gone a little over-board, but I don't really think this classes as bad behaviour, seriously.

I think I need to stop reading these Christmas threads as the sheer ungratefulness is really pissing me off ...

Sorry, as you were ...

ladymariner · 27/12/2008 23:47

Sick to the stomach?????

ladymariner · 27/12/2008 23:47

Well said, plonker

Dior · 27/12/2008 23:48

Message withdrawn

Coldtits · 27/12/2008 23:50

YABU.

ALthough if you live in a small house, I feel your pain.

Leo9 · 27/12/2008 23:50

i think kids do appreciate what they're given. Birthday and Christmas are only two days a year; their early years will be gone so fast. It seems such a shame to make an issue of this - it's simply their grandparents showing them how much they are loving sharing christmas with them. IMO it does not affect the true meaning of christmas one bit; that comes from YOU and what you instil in them the rest of the year.

No child who is talked to and given information about the world and who has parents who care about other people, is going to be affected by receiving a number of presents on a couple of days a year IMO.

So I think YABU and I don't think I would do anything about this, TBH I don't think you CAN when it's to do with other people buying gifts. Not without offending people, anyway.

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 00:27

I think prehaps it is more a control issue on your part - I also get annoyed with GP - usually for buying big things or a lot which I feel will take over my house! I normally just 'get rid' of stuff I'm not happy with ie ebay or charity shop.[fbush] No one is amking you keep the excess!

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 00:28

BTW - I have also thought there are a lot of threads were posters are moaning about gifts recieved but I can see it from both sides.

HarktheheraldAnglepoise · 28/12/2008 00:33

I am going to go against the consensus and say YANBU, especially as you asked them in advance only to get one thing. Your DCs are lucky that they have GPs who want to get them presents and part of the fun of being a GP is that you can spoil your GC and not deal with the aftermath, but I don't think that means that you as parents don't get a say! Though having said that, it doesn't seem like that huge a stash, particularly if you take out clothes and books (essentials rather than luxuries, surely?).

No idea what you can do though - maybe have a clear out of some of the toys that they don't play with any more, or ask that some of them are stored at your parents' (particularly if you now have two train sets!)?

Quattrocento · 28/12/2008 00:34

I agree with the OP entirely. It's ridiculous how much children get and can spoil them. FWIW when my mother appeared with two enormous sacks of presents for the DCs, I had a quiet word about one present each and no more.

DandyLioness · 28/12/2008 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 00:45

I just wanted to point out that we are lucky that our children can be indulged in this way - there are many kids out there who probably got very little for christmas. In a ideal world all children would get the same but they don't.

reindeersnake · 28/12/2008 00:59

YABU

They obviously have taken time and had great pleasure in choosing beautiful presents for their grandchildren.

Your children are not only your children - they are also grandchildren, nephews, nieces, friends, etc. WIM is that they also have relationships with other people.

My dd has been given cartoon-covered pyjamas which I would never have bought her, by a friend. I would not interfere between the friend and dd, though. That is their relationship, not mine. (She absolutely loves them and has kept them on under her clothes for the pst 2 days. )

I can understand you not wanting them to have too much stuff, though. What about using it as an opportunity to go through their toy cupboard, a la Little Women, and choosing some things to give away? Since grateful poor children are hard to locate nowadays, maybe they could choose the charity shop of their choice? Cute puppies or old ladies?

nooka · 28/12/2008 01:01

I don't think that at 2 and 4 your children are old enough to assign any meaning to Christmas. They probably just find the whole thing slightly overwhelming. My mother's parents always gave us the biggest and best presents when I was small (they died before I got very old). I have some great memories of them, and still have some of the things they gave us, as they were always high quality.

I think it is unreasonable of you to expect that your parents should only give very small presents, which I think from your OP you would have liked. On the other hand it would seem that they have gone rather OTT. Some of those presents (watches for a two year old?) just won't get used. The simplest thing is to put them away for now, and get them out at some point when you think they will be appreciated.

Perhaps you can think of something big and generous that your parents would like to give next year that you are sure your children will like and use. That way they may be less tempted to go overboard.

What sort of presents did they give you when you were growing up? Do they always go a bit OTT? Do they perhaps think you are short of money or not fully entering into the spirt of Christmas (as they might see it) and that your children might be hard done by?

Original poster

Astrophe · 28/12/2008 01:17

Oh dear, I realise how awful I sound. I get one really well with my parents, so its not that I have 'issues' with them, or with the reationship they have with my kids. I know they adore them, and thats a real blessing.

I guess in a sense it is a 'control' issue - tbh it does upset me that although I discussed it with them, in a perfectly friendly conversation, they have totally gone against mine and DH's wishes...wouldn't that annoy anyone else?

I do stand by my assertion that they have given an excessive amount - especially in the light of the desperate need many of the worlds children live in. I do think the amount of money that has been spent, and the sheer amount of 'stuff' is inapporpriate.

It makes me really sad to see the kids opening present after preasent, with no real idea of who they came from. My DD, bless her, told me her favourite present was the pink butterfly soap she got...proof I think that all the presents are just not nessesary.

Anyway, I do appreciate your opinions. I did ask AIBU afterall!

OP posts:

Original poster

Astrophe · 28/12/2008 01:22

nooka - watches - that was one of the things that surprised/anoyd me most. We had been telling DD that when she is able to tell the time, we will choose her a special watch. I just think the "see-like-buy" mentality my folks seem to have spoils some of the specialness of gift giving.

Yes, they have always been OTT, with us as kids too.

This year, we discussed Christmas and decided together that the DC would love a dolls house, and that they would love to buy them one to share. I thought that was all they were getting - its a huge, beautifully painted wooden one and would have been entirely appropriate and sufficient for both DC to share IMHO. (so basicly, the idea of asking the for something big didn't work nooka!)

OP posts:

ladymariner · 28/12/2008 01:29

I have exactly the same thing with my parents, they basically think my ds and my niece walk on water and love to spoil them. The stuff they get is not necessarily all dear stuff, the main presents are, but there is always a lot of stocking fillers aswell. However, I wouldn't dream of asking them to stop, not because I want all the stuff as I don't esp when ds was little and we lived in a smaller house, but because they get soooo much pleasure from buying things they think he'll like and seeing him open them.

I got round it by putting some stuff away and getting it out late on in the year, it was like totally new toys for him. We also collect toys every year for local needy children and we have always involved ds in choosing toys he has grown out of to donate, and we do a shoebox each, so I don't feel guilty that ds is so lucky to have the family that he has!!

nooka · 28/12/2008 01:33

Ah. Oh well. I suspect this is something that you are going to have to cope with then. Perhaps if you put things away and tell your parents firmly that it was lovely but too much they might (eventually) get the idea. Do they have lots of toys at their house for when you visit? It might be worth taking some of the things over there if not. Otherwise I suspect there isn't that much you can do about compulsive present buying. Are your children the only grandchildren? If not it might get better when there are more children to spread the generosity around IYSWIM.

Original poster

Astrophe · 28/12/2008 01:39

right - shall deposit some of the extra toys at GP's house and holiday house...and encourage my brothers to hurry up with their baby making!

OP posts:

nooka · 28/12/2008 02:21

Well good luck with that

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