to be irritated that MIL waited 18 months to announce that she'd got married?

[Wispabarsareback]

Am just catching up on MN after a few days away and there are loads of PIL-type threads - naturally! - in the aftermath of Christmas - and I'm going to add to them.

I'll try not to give a huge spiel about my MIL. Briefly - she has been with her partner for a long long time, since my DH was a young child (her partner isn't DH's father), but they weren't married. Not sure why exactly, but it was just one of those things - they weren't. They always pretended they were though - 'wedding' rings, references to 'in-laws', etc. Then a few weeks ago, DD1 (who is 5) mentioned that granny had told her she'd got married twice - first to DH's father, and then to her current partner. I was surprised to hear that, as I didn't think she would actually say she'd got married if she hadn't - and I suggested to DH that maybe they'd tied the knot without telling anyone. We speculated quite enjoyably about it, but DH ignored my suggestions that he ask his mother outright. (What is it with men??)

Then when we saw them over Xmas, MIL and partner were behaving a bit oddly. (Although they often do.) They went into another room together, and called us in there one by one to tell us that they had got married last summer - 18 months ago or so. I'm afraid my reaction was to cackle and say 'Ah, we'd wondered about that!'. Followed by 'I expect DDs will forgive you eventually that they didn't get the opportunity to wear pretty dresses.' For which I of course got berated later by DH, who tells me that the correct response to such things is 'Congratulations'.

But is it just me or is it really WEIRD to go off and get married without telling anyone?? They had their reasons for wanting it to be private and guest-less (which I can understand, although I don't agree with them - I think marriage is a public statement, goddammit!), but what I really don't get is waiting so long to tell the family. That's why I found it really hard to say 'congratulations' - if they'd said 'oh we got married at the weekend', I'm sure I would have congratulated them immediately and asked questions later about why the secrecy. But to wait a year and a half and then make a biggish deal out of announcing it (and it was a big deal - there were endless shenanigans about the closed door with them behind it) just seems peculiar to me.

AIBU to think they are a pair of loons??

YANBU. Weird - but there has to be some sort of reasoning behind it.

Mildly weird, but utterly harmless.

I think its weird they waited so nlong to tell people, fair enough if they wanted to go off and get married on their own, thas their choice (if a bit odd) but to wait a year and a half to tell people

weirdos!

Yep, Weird

I think the way they announced it, one by one, with the closed door shenanigans is the weirdest part of it all. YANBU. Oddballs.

The announcing part is the definitely the weird thing. I still think 'secret marriages' are an odd way of carrying on, unless there's some seriously dramatic reason why secrecy has to be maintained. But I just couldn't react the way they clearly thought I should - they were definitely miffed, and said sanctimoniously that they had hoped I could be happy for them etc etc.

DH is very good at behaving appropriately on occasions like this (I'm afraid he puts me sadly to shame), but he would have liked to have known about it and to have had the opportunity to be there etc. MIL's own mother is also pissed off at the secrecy - which seems to have taken MIL very much by surprise, although I really don't see why.

It seems to me a bizarre form of attention-seeking.

How very strange. Do they often act as if they are on another planet?

Don't see anything at all wrong in your response, btw, as long as it was said in a cheery tone of voice.

Maybe that didn't know what to say before. Or maybe they thought it was none of your business, and only told you because your mil accidentally told your dd.
Leave them be, they maybe weird, but its harmless.

I can understand the very quiet, low-key wedding if you've been together a long time - some friends of ours recently did this after 21 years together. But keeping silent about it for 18 months is a little odd and telling each person individually, behind closed doors, seems even odder!

Nowt funnier than folk !.

Oh yes, they are definitely unusual! Not bad people, just a bit over-earnest and self-absorbed. And neurotic too, in MIL's case.

I agree it's basically harmless (though irritating!), but DH and I are pretty straightforward about things, and I'd prefer our DDs to grow up in an atmosphere of straightforwardness rather than convolution and unnecessary layers of mystery. DD1 has asked 'but WHY was granny's wedding a secret, why couldn't I go?' - and I'm not particularly inclined to make up rubbish for her.

YANBU. That's weird. But you're not alone...

It took my dad 6 years to tell us, if it makes you feel any less unusual. (And when I told my best friend, she said her dad had just announced a secret 6 year old marriage too.)