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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being p**off due to dh getting me xmas prezie on boxing day due to guilt

40 replies

lilLAURAand4poorlykids · 27/12/2008 18:42

he bought a wii xmas eve which was something we decided months ago would be nice for all family then told me it was my xmas prezie - i went for a bath xmas eve when i came downstairs he had set it up and was playing it with his mate.
i thought there you go again luike the laptop two years ago that he bought me he uses it more than me and refers to it as "our laptop" now

xmas day i had no prezies from him or 4dc

was not impressed - not help setting up toys or putting in batteries, no help sorting prezies night b4

i told him he had ruined my xmas due to me being in a sulk thought i might have got a surprize pressie

boxing day he was on his break from work and bought me a pair of boots and when he gave me them he actually said "this is your xmas present " becaus ei felt sorry for you yesterday

OP posts:
IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 18:44

Hmmm i think you are being a bit unreasonable. Sounds like he couldn't win whatever he did.

DoubleBluff · 27/12/2008 18:44

I know where i would be stiking the boot!
He is a pig.

OrmIrian · 27/12/2008 18:45

Did you get him a present? If so then he was a bit mean

Original poster
lilLAURAand4poorlykids · 27/12/2008 18:48

brunette dont you think xmas presents should have been bought for xmas day though ,

i didnt mean to sound ungrateful ei laptop and wii - what i meant he buys these things for his own use then says they are for me , i think thats unfair personally i would have been happy with a dairy milk bar just would have liked it xmas morning wrapped with "to mummy love from the kids" written on it

not much to ask is it after 6 years and 4 babies.

maybe its hormones getting the better of me 6 weeks after having dd3 but i think i deserved something

OP posts:
Original poster
lilLAURAand4poorlykids · 27/12/2008 18:48

i always get him something from myself and the kids and he knew i had too i told him weeks ago i had got his presents

OP posts:
Niecie · 27/12/2008 18:51

YANBU - sounds like he is buying himself presents rather than you - you are just the excuse he needs.

By buying you a present now he is trying to transfer the guilt - he doesn't need to feel guilty any more as you have your present but I can't imagine, if you are like me, that you feel good about it because you had be get in a strop to get it.

IllegallyBrunette · 27/12/2008 18:55

I agree that he made a mistake getting the wii when it was obviously for him, but at least he tried to make up for it. He could of just continued to insist that the wii was your present.

Did you like the boots ?

expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 18:56

YANBU.

He's done this in the past, not just this year.

JoyS · 27/12/2008 20:00

I don't think YABU, he was very thoughtless. Next b-day and xmas, buy your own gifts. Wrap them and put them under the tree. If he says anything, mention his crap record in the last few years.

compo · 27/12/2008 20:03

I agree with IB
the things he has bought for you are pretty expensive

SH27 · 27/12/2008 20:08

YANBU I would be fuming! Poor you

Frizbe · 27/12/2008 20:09

Ah now you see my dh pre empted my sulking by asking me on the day before Xmas Eve, if he needed to go shopping on Xmas Eve to get my prezzie (the laptop I am now typing on) my look said it all, and thus he went shopping. Otherwise my prezzie would have turned up in Jan sometime, maybe, possibly...

expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 20:10

but he didn't buy those expensive for her. he bought them for him and used the excuse that they were presents for her.

they decided the wii was a family gift, not specifically for her or at her specific request.

ditto the laptop.

and it's not about the money.

it's about being thoughtful enough to be bothered to get someone a present you think they might like.

expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 20:10

but he didn't buy those expensive for her. he bought them for him and used the excuse that they were presents for her.

they decided the wii was a family gift, not specifically for her or at her specific request.

ditto the laptop.

and it's not about the money.

it's about being thoughtful enough to be bothered to get someone a present you think they might like.

solidgoldstuffingballs · 27/12/2008 20:14

Have you ever had a clear discussion about buying each other Xmas presents? Quite a lot of adults agree that they won't buy each other a present at Xmas, and when it's agreed and understood then it's OK - but some people would find that a bit miserable, and if you are someone who really likes to get and give presents then it's not wrong or unreasonable to talk to your partner about it and say, look, a box of chocs or a bottle of bubble bath is fine, you don't have to spend a fortune but I would like something wrapped up to open.
What did you give him?

lizziebeth · 27/12/2008 20:15

YANBU. Agree it's the thought that goes into buying something special that really matters and also letting you open it yourself on xmas day.

But do think he was trying to make it up with the boots. Maybe if he'd said something nice when he gave you the boots, that would have made you feel better?

expatinscotland · 27/12/2008 20:21

did you ask for the boots? is it something you'd have even wanted?

dsrplus8 · 28/12/2008 02:24

yanbu, next time ask for something ,that can only be used by you, vouchers for make up/trip to hairdressers/ voucher for your favorite shop. i think your dh is like many men , just hopeless at gifts and too "machco" too say it! hence the buying what he'd like for himself.bless! he needs a gentle kick up the arse(those boots will be handy lol)start droping hints for next xmas in january..... he might just get it right then.go on and on and on about how lovely it is too watch someone open a gift that you have especially chosen for them. Having said that, if the only thing that bugs you about him is his lack of gift buying ability, then hes not too bad....good luck with the husband training!

dsrplus8 · 28/12/2008 02:29

but if he does it again, buy something fabulous for yourself wrap it up and label it to DH , just make sure its feminine and useless to him, clothes for you or perfume ect: just make sure its very expensive. lol that should teach him

TWINSETinapeartree · 28/12/2008 02:33

I really don't get grown adults sulking or to be honest even being that bothered about Christmas presents,

dsrplus8 · 28/12/2008 02:42

i see what you mean twinset, but i think the op is more upset that dh wasnt thinking about her ,than an actual big gift, she did say a chocolate bar wraped and labeled to mum love the kids would have been great. she just wants some thought from her dh, and the way its came out is the xmas pressie(could have been anything, not helping in house ect).just really ,considering she just had new baby and her hormones will be all over the place.shes needing some tlc!

TWINSETinapeartree · 28/12/2008 02:46

I did not see the chocolate bar comment in which case she is not being that unreasonable, I am just shocked tbh at the number of threads where women have sulked over christmas about their presents.

dsrplus8 · 28/12/2008 03:03

i know twinset, i thought about that myself. but im lucky not to be in that situation, my dh is an angel!(must be to put up with me with pms lol)i dont know how id act if i was being taken for granted or not thought of by dh!

TWINSETinapeartree · 28/12/2008 03:22

I suspect all of these threads are about feeling taken for granted rather than gifts.

dsrplus8 · 28/12/2008 03:28

i totally agree with you on that!a wee bit of thought goes a long way!