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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this normal??

37 replies

MegaPhone · 27/12/2008 14:09

I went to view a house with my friend. She has been on the council waiting list for over a year and has been offered this house in a not too good area but if she turns it down she has no chance of another iyswim?

Well when we unlocked the door and went in, a young boy of around 5 or 6 was stood at the front gate watching. We went in to the living room and next thing we know he's stood behind us in the hallway saying "are you moving in?" We told him he shouldn't just walk into houses that were not his and he just stood there and looked really confused and then said "why? I'm not nicking owt".

We couldn't get rid of him. He was filthy and quite rude. Then when we went to look around the back garden, a couple of boys (aged around 9 or 10) were hanging over the back fence just staring at us! When they eventually left I heard one of them say "do you want a cig?" to his friend and none of them looked older than 10.

I'm NOT a snob but is this kind of thing actually normal in these areas? I feel so sorry for my friend, she was excited about getting the house and now she's dreading moving in.

Why on earth are the parents allowed to just let their kids go feral like this?? isn't it classed as neglect? Being short of money is no excuse for letting your kids end up like that surely?

OP posts:

slackrunner · 27/12/2008 14:13

ahhh, you can tell it's the holiday season can't you

Lulumamaloveslatkes · 27/12/2008 14:14

so many boring daily mail cliches, so little time

jog on, there's a dear

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 27/12/2008 14:14

I thought you could turn down 2 offers?

if not - maybe she can move in and have a good influence on her surroundings.

There are children without good role models everywhere, not just in council estates.

And my dd gets filthy when she walks the dog so I think being dirty is part of childhood.

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 27/12/2008 14:15

damn it, troll spotting radar down due to illness

feck

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 14:17

Oh god, I really feel for your friend.

We used to live in an area like that - and it wasn't a council estate, btw. Some of the children really had UTTERLY no idea.

We moved, partly because we didn't want to be fighting this influence while our children were growing up.

The chidlren were hanging round on the streets after dark - girls of 15 trying to pick up men for sex and get paid for it - children smoking in the school playground - the list just goes on and on.

They had no respect for anyone else's property - you just didn't leave anything around that wasn't nailed down. We had an old car in our back garden once (yes, I know it was ex h, honest), and some 10 year olds came into the garden and started breaking it up. when ex h came out (ballistic) they said "we thought it had been abandoned"
I could go on and on and on.

I dont know what is the answer to your friend's problem re the council house. Maybe explore the area a bit more, and find out if these chidlren are the exception or the rule?
what's the local school like, can she visit that?
is there a residents association?
if she does accept it, and its hell, does she have a chance of swapping it?

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 14:19

why do you all think the op is trolling? It sounds EXACTLY like where we used to live!

jesusofutopia · 27/12/2008 14:20

Sounds like where I used to live too nighbynight. Believe it or not, some places are actually like this.

slackrunner · 27/12/2008 14:21

nighby, it's the following comment that gets my troll radar flashing:

'Why on earth are the parents allowed to just let their kids go feral like this?? isn't it classed as neglect? Being short of money is no excuse for letting your kids end up like that surely?'

A little imflammatory, no?

IPityTheFool · 27/12/2008 14:22

I don't think she's a troll.

No idea about council housing so I can't help.

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 14:22

well slackrunner, tbh, that was my reaction too, when we first moved there, and I realised what the children were like. I had never in my life come across this sort of thing before.

slackrunner · 27/12/2008 14:23

Apologies Megaphone if you are for real...however your last statement does rankle with me.

slackrunner · 27/12/2008 14:24

I'm not saying it doesn't exist nighby.

BouncingTinsel · 27/12/2008 14:24

Actually I also don't think this person is a troll because this is how the estate my mum used to live ended up like before she moved.

And I actually agree with what she said about
'Why on earth are the parents allowed to just let their kids go feral like this?? isn't it classed as neglect? Being short of money is no excuse for letting your kids end up like that surely?'

I had a tough childhood, parents in low paid jobs then dad doing a runner so mum ended up on benefits and me and my brothers would never have behaved like this!
We weren't angels, by no means, but we respected other people's property!

jesusofutopia · 27/12/2008 14:25

slackrunner, I don't see why that is trollish? I think the same everytime I see some little kid smashing up something that doesn't belong to them because they're "bored". Why are they allowed to get away with it? They say it's because the parents are short of money and can't afford to entertain them properly, funny then how the same kids tend to have named sports wear on and the latest computer games.

I think its lack of intelligence rather than money myself.

SparklyGothKat · 27/12/2008 14:25

I've lived in a road like this too..

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 14:27

slackrunner
no, I understand. it is such a shock when you first see it in reality - nobody whose only experience is reading the Express/Mail should be allowed to comment on it!!

slackrunner · 27/12/2008 14:29

I just think it's a rather imflammatory statement to make, that's all. I'm not sure why money has to come into it - after all there's plenty of rude kids from moneyed backgrounds.

Anyway, I'm orf - better things to do than post in AIBU.

Upwind · 27/12/2008 14:32

I've lived in an area where that kind of thing happened all the time. Local children would knock on our door regularly trying to sell us stuff that was plainly stolen - e.g. the contents of someone's gym bag. They tried to steal our bicycles. They used to persistently put firecrackers through the door until I nailed the letter box shut. Once, they egged me. They were always knocking on our door and chatting, asking if they could come in. We never let them.

That sounds awful and I would not like to live in an estate like that with impressionable DC of my own, or any posessions worth stealing. But actually we never had any serious problems. The kids were friendly and mischevious - they never tried to do anything really nasty and we had no hassle from their parents. Shortly before we moved out, I came across a little girl who had cut herself on some broken glass. She had managed to get blood all over herself, but the cut wasn't really that bad. I told her she needed to go home to get it cleaned up, and she said she had gone home and shown her Mum, but her Mum told her to go back outside . I cleaned her cut and put a plaster on it but was really for the child. She was only about four or five years old.

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 27/12/2008 14:36

YANBU

Can your friend turn down this house or will it affect her chances of getting somewhere else?

There are plenty of 'good' council estates out there, does your friend get a choice? I think you get a choice of three different estates in this authority, is that the same for your friend?

To those shouting troll - can't you give the benefit of the doubt before jumping on the OP? This is not an unusual scenario - not by a long stretch ...

Upwind · 27/12/2008 14:36

In answer to the OP - yes it can be normal. And yes these feral children probably are being neglected and there are no excuses.

Your friend needs to think carefully about whether she should take the house and as to how she will cope with the local children, who probably won't leave her alone.

treedelivery · 27/12/2008 15:11

grew up on a council estate and yes thats how it can be. dunno if op a troll but that's my experience.

Ours always had horses running loose. From the travellers - not the local riding school you understand. Strange days.

muggglewump · 27/12/2008 15:14

Not gettimg involved with the other part but I thought you could turn down two properties?

treedelivery · 27/12/2008 15:17

And a sheep. I rememeber people coming around offering sheep to keep grass down. Gardens were huge. Quite comical looking back on it all!

Nighbynight · 27/12/2008 15:19

oi! my parents kept our grass down with the cows. Thats normal.

OHBollox · 27/12/2008 15:22

I'm pretty sure it's 3 offers before you get taken off the list, the trouble is if this is the best of the three and i guess there's no way of knowing.

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