I'm sorry this is long but I really need to put it all down so you can see what's going on and seriously advise on the situation.
DS is 7 months old and in all fairness to him, he's angelic. I've been one of these jammy mums who's never had to put up with crying and such likes. He laughs a lot and anyone who minds him says they can't believe how good he is, they wish their babies had been so easy to look after!
I realise many people will be hating me at this point. I'm not boasting. I'm just saying I can be fairly lazy as he doesn't want much, and I just get to play with him and things without the bad bits.
Anyway, DP's family never come and see DS even though they go on and on about him. We take him over to their houses when we can but we DP works full time and I work a lot. We have one day together a week which we tend to spend playing with the baby. DP's family said they'd have him when I was at work but one week they will, then the next they won't as they're busy and it's gets to be hard work, so now my mum minds him. Which is best as then he's settled and not shifted about.
DP's nana has been slagging us off saying we never take him over etc. But she walks past our house to go to the cemetary every day and never stops in on him.
DP's auntie invites us round for tea or just over hers in general and she pops over ours to see the baby. My family all do this, too. DP's mum doesn't really, but she wants to be centre of DS's world so think basically he should just live with her.
She always makes time to go to the pub of an afternoon after work but claims she can't come and see DS and she's working every day (only mornings!) and is tired after work. She whinges she doesn't see him enough.
So on xmas day (and what a perfect one it was), we called into DP's nana's house, and all of DP's family were there (a big bunch). Everyone has had a drink but they're not drunk as such. DP's mum starts going on about how she wants to mind DS over night and it's disgraceful we don't let her blah blah. We explained that night time is the one time we are strict with his routine as since he's gone into his own room, he wakes up frightened in the night and we settle him, put him down, and go straight out of the room so that he will eventually sleep through. DP's mum minds her other GS overnight, and lets him sleep in the bed with her, and gets him up all night to play. That's not really acceptable to us. Also, DP's mum smokes like a chimney and her house REAKS of it. Even SIL who doesn't smoke, stinks of smoke as she lives there. DP explained that DS can't stay there as she smokes.
She really kicked off at this point. She said she doesn't smoke around him. But the house still STINKS whether she smokes around him or not, and she still kisses him straight after a fag etc. So him sleeping in bed with a smoker is not ideal. She even smokes in his room (0bviously she wouldn't if he's there, but there's generally a smokey atmosphere).
Anyway. She got really mad and started shouting at DP and telling everyone we're awful for not trusting her to have him etc.
DS was screaming the place down as he doesn't know these people as they never bother to see him, and they were passing him from one to another, and he has a cold. So he was generally very upset.
DPs nana starts shouting that he's spoilt. I said 'he is not spoilt. We have never spoilt him' and she said 'he is. He's spoilt rotten.' This has REALLY upset me, as he's not spoilt and he's a great kid. Plus, to her, spoilt means us failing as parents IYSWIM.
DP said that the baby doesn't really know them and so she starts shouting that that's because we're selfish for working with a baby (we need the money and want to give him a good future!) and that we're horrible for never taking him to see her, and she doesn't see why she should have to go and see him.
So overall, it was very uncomfortable and I was very upset. DP is also very upset and angry with them.
DP's mum has said that his nana was out of order.
So what do you think?