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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SUCH a stupid argument but does anyone see my point???

23 replies

GuitarHeroess · 26/12/2008 23:56

I'm so sorry, have had to name change because the nature of the argument was so ridiculous I am embarrassed by it.

Basically the kids were put to bed earlier tonight and DH said he was going to get a shower so I put the kid's new wii on and started up guitar hero.

I was playing quite happily on that by myself for a good half hour. Then DH came in, sat behind me and began watching. I asked if he'd like a go, he said no, he was quite happy to watch me (he'd just opened another beer).

So I carried on playing. Completed a few songs, earnt quite a bit of money and so decided to go to the guitar hero shop to see what I could buy. It tickled me that you could buy Slash (the famous guitarist) but I didn't have enough money so I said something about "oh, I'll play a few more songs to get enough money to buy slash".

The rest of the conversation went like this:

DH: "why?"
me: "why what?"
DH: "Why do you want to buy Slash? that will take all the money you've earnt"
me: "I know, its ok"
DH "but its stupid"

me: "well whatever! (I then laugh it off and carry on playing) DH continues to watch...

So I complete two more songs and then go back to the shop:

DH: "Look, Slash is £10,000, that will use up all your money"
me: "its ok, its only a game!"
DH: "Don't"
me: "don't what??"
DH: "waste all your money on Slash"
me: "are you taking the piss or what? how many of those beers have you had??"
DH : "what you been arsey for??"
me: "I'm not, I just don't see why you're so bothered what I do on a game! do you want a go? do you want me to turn it off?"
DH : "No, I just think its stupid wasting all your money on slash, its so like you, always so fucking over the top"
me: "what the hell is wrong with you?? it's just a game"
DH "oh fuck off, I'm going out"

He does go out and then later comes back in saying I'm purposely awkward, stubborn, nasty and confrontational and he's sick of me acting like a spoilt brat.

So, ignoring the daft subject matter, was this argument my fault? really?

OP posts:

kitbit · 26/12/2008 23:58

erm, no, not your fault! However sounds to me like an argument stored up from a previous occasion just waiting for a trigger however small. Could that be it?

ClementFreudsGreatestAdmirer · 26/12/2008 23:59

i'd say there's something about you wanting slash that reflects something you do in real life, which really annoys him, but he cant verbalise it.

TWINSETinapeartree · 26/12/2008 23:59

I think your dh talks to you in a horrible way and you are not unreasonable to be upset about that.

Original poster

GuitarHeroess · 26/12/2008 23:59

It could be to be honest, it's been a bit tense this christmas but I don't know why. He started being really off with me about 2 weeks ago.

OP posts:

themoon66 · 27/12/2008 00:00

Hmmmm. Sounds like he is looking to pick a fight over anything.

Original poster

GuitarHeroess · 27/12/2008 00:01

Sorry, crossed posts.

I agree he seemed really irritated by the slash thing and did seem to be trying to tell me it was similar to other stuff I "do" but he still hasn't said what and I have no idea either.

OP posts:

thumbElf · 27/12/2008 00:01

ditto to kitbit! sounds like there was some serious subtext going on there - any idea what? ARE you a profligate spender as well? Is he just tight? No, I would say that was a manufactured argument by him, for whatever reason.

Why did he want to go out? Where did he go? how long was he gone for?

Original poster

GuitarHeroess · 27/12/2008 00:04

The strange thing is, he is the one that spends spends spends all the time. I am the one that has to keep tabs on finances otherwise we'd be in debts up to our eyeballs.

I really don't have a clue what he was trying to get at.

He was gone for about half an hour (probably tesco or something?) but hasn't said where. He was VERY angry when he left though, which I think is WHY he left.

OP posts:

SantasNuttySTaff · 27/12/2008 00:05

buy slash if you want to!! why not!! its not real.

maybe he was just looking for an excuse to go out?? or just looking for an argument?. Personally i dont think you were being "purposely awkward, stubborn, nasty and confrontational and acting like a spoilt brat" at all from that dialogue.

maybe ask him whats really going on, what his real issues are because a game does not trigger that kind of reaction normally.

kitbit · 27/12/2008 00:05

hmm, if he started being grumpy about 2 weeks ago could he be hiding something? worried about something? has he broken something? has he found out about anything YOU might have done?! Guilty consciences sometimes make people prone to picking fights so that they can feel justified in doing whatever it is they feel guilty about... not casting any aspersions on your dh, just an observation!!!

thumbElf · 27/12/2008 00:07

was he angrier than you would normally expect him to be from such an exchange? Cos he could have been manufacturing the anger too, to give him the excuse to leave. I would ask him where he went, if it were me.

Agree with kitbit re. the guilt thing...

Original poster

GuitarHeroess · 27/12/2008 00:10

Santasnuttystaff, exactly! part of me thought "maybe I shouldn't have bought Slash" but for gods sake, why not? its not like it was real money or anything.

Kitbit, thats exactly what I'm worrying about. People always say about this kind of behaviour when they know their oh is up to something I'm not sure I've done anything he could be annoyed about, I'm far from perfect but I've tried racking my brain to think of something I could have done but there really is nothing severe enough to warrant this kind of behaviour

OP posts:

LaDiDaDi · 27/12/2008 00:11

There is definitely something more to this, whether that is your dh wanting an excuse to leave the house or trying to let you know he is angry with you about something else entirely I'm not sure.

Original poster

GuitarHeroess · 27/12/2008 00:12

Thumbelf, he has kicked off about silly things in the past so it's not entirely unusual.

One time we were driving and I took a slight detour saying "I just want to have a quick look down here" and he burst out with:

"Oh for fucks sake! you and "places you need to have a look at", it does my fucking head in, so pointless!"

OP posts:

kitbit · 27/12/2008 00:15

Can you sit him down and ask him point blank what's worrying him, or is he likely to get defensive? If he is indeed a spender could it be he's worrying about bills/credit card bill/overspending in some way? Is he ever really daft with money?

Try not to worry about something that might not be the case! It's probably something really daft, but it does sound as though he's stewing on something.

thumbElf · 27/12/2008 00:15

well GH, from experience, the only time a bf of mine did this unreasonable anger and argument out of nothing, it was because he was seeing someone else and was trying to upset me enough that I would end our relationship. I spent days trying to work out where the hell the argument had come from and what I had done = answer, nothing I had done at all. It was all him.

However, that doesn't mean that is what is happening here - maybe it is more money-oriented, is his job secure? is there any chance he is worried about being laid off (or already has been?) is he a gambling type?
So many other reasons - but all to do with something he may have done or be thinking of doing that he doesn't want you to know about and it's making him feel guilty, hence picking a fight so he can justify to himself why he is behaving the way he is.

SantasNuttySTaff · 27/12/2008 00:16

Do you perhaps pull him up on his spending? (as you say you look after the finances) maybe he is just doing the same to you (in a different way) to show you that he doesn't like being told what to spend real money on?

men eh, you really have to dig around sometimes to get to the bottom of what they are thinking.

dittany · 27/12/2008 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSnape · 27/12/2008 10:28

Wierd, I've just bought Slash on my game!

But to answer OP, my ex was exactly the same. He would try and control such silly aspects of my life ... I think because he knew he couldn't control the important parts.

If I was playing a game, he would bark out instructions and then throw a major tantrum if I didn't play exactly how he wanted me to.

One time I was tuning up my guitar (real one) and he snatched it off me and snapped "GIVE ME IT! I'LL TUNE IT!" twat, and he couldn't tune it so ended up giving it back to me to fix.

He makes me so mad just thinking about him.

Doodle2U · 27/12/2008 10:33

GH - check your finances - FAST! It's a hunch but I think he may have gone over board with HIS spending in RL OR he's starting to fret about money because of the many miserable news reports etc.

Can't explain it but reading your post, I got bubbles up the back of me neck - call it intuition - check the finances - NOW!

ilovelovemydog · 27/12/2008 10:49

So, he freaks out about cyber money being spent and then goes out? Like to the pub where they only take real money

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 27/12/2008 14:11

this morning I did exactly the same to my dh.

I'm lying in bed, proper ill, just got over hallucinating for two days and am coughing my lungs up. My poor dh is also ill but is attempting half heartedly to entertain himself so he's playing 20Q's, the electronic game.

And he's trying to 'beat it' by giving it the wrong answers (very easy to do).

It wound me up so much I had to go to the bathroom. As I'm not a twat like your husband was being I was saying (in my head) - ffs you big tosser of course you can beat it if you tell it snow is warm .

So I left the room and swore at him in my head. Now normally my dh doesn't irritate me at all (he's lovely) but when ill I just want to be left to whimper on my own so I think my internal outburst is about losing control over my own body to illness and that outing itself in frustration at someone else.

So your dh may feel that he has lost control of 'something' and/or may feel that Christmas is not as 'perfect' as he wanted - hence the frustration.

jesusofutopia · 27/12/2008 14:15

I would have wrapped the guitar around his neck, personally.

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