to feel resentful of my siblings

[needmorecoffee]

Both of whom are child free and have buggered off abroad leaving me the sole carer of our mother. She's now 73 and is getting more ill and more demanding. I've got a severely disabled 4 yo who requires 24 hour care, other children and am disabled myself.
I'm feeling a bit tearful as mum has yet another chest infection and called me this mroning. So I've called the doctor, gone over, fed her bloody dogs (and I can't get my wheelchair in her house so have to be on legs for this). Just got back as the wait for a doctor is up to 6 hours so he will call before going to my mums so then I will go back down there.
If ma has flu and dd catches it dd will be in hozzie.
Why should I do it all?

i think your siblings are being very selfish

if they want to live abraod fine, but they then need to pay towards either having a carer, or putting your mum into care

come back and help care or cough up in other words

could your mum live with your nmc, or would that tip you over the edge?

are there no neighbours/friends near her who can help out by popping in daily?

let your mum complain and go into martyar mode - if you didnt pop in, she would be alone, and bet she thinks the sun shines out of your siblings arses as well!!

so i suggest not popping in, next time she calls and say no you are busy/cant etc, and see what she says

it is hard work looking after parents, but even harder in your case as you have your gorgeous dd as well as yourself being disabled and you have no help from siblings

sorry no real advice but didnt want to not reply

NMC

If you carry on as you are doing you will end up at breaking point and too ill to continue caring for your Mum. And then there will be no-one else around to do the caring; you will certainly be in no position to carry on without outside support. You have needs as well as your absent siblings. Doubtless they will only come back after she has died and are listening intently to how her estate will be divided up.

Your Mum should really be in residential care and without her animals.

I would badger SS to do a care assessment of your Mum; they should be able to do this. Her GP as well should be properly informed of her home circumstances.

Have you called the doctors again or heard from them yet, needmorecoffee? So sorry to hear about this situation. My mum was in a similar one with her mum until a few years ago when my nan sadly died - the only sibling who did anything for her, and my mum wasn't in great health herself.

I think you've been given some great advice from others about who to contact and also about maybe not doing so much for your mother - which I know will probably be hard for you but maybe you have to put yourself first. I don't mean that to sound selfish as I wouldn't want your mum to be struggling, but it might encourage her to accept help. xx

just had a word with my sister and said I cant care for disabled child and mum. She said 'your dh can care for your dd'. She just doesn't get that dd is a 2 person job. Its 24 hours a day so we effectively do 12 hours each. Every day.

Doctor did come. She has a chest infection which is what I thought. 5 miles to a chemist for antibiotics (what the fuck do car-free poeple do?). Made her tea, fed dogs, refused to clean up garden of dog poo (yuck) so sulky mother and back here cooking for my kids while dh gives dh her meal then her tube feed.

Heh at siblings coming back. She's in a council house and on benefits. Don;t think we need to worry about her estate apart from who isn't going to have the dogs.

What do other people do about elderly family members? There must be so many in this position? Women caring for families and relatives and disabled members etc etc

This is going to more and more frequent, isn't it?

My single great uncle looks after my grandmother...

Know a few people who have built granny flats.

In fact I know someone whose mother and father sold their house, 'gave' it to my friend and wife, and they bought a massive house. Deal is that the grandparents look after the kids while they are young and then it's reciprocated when the grandparents get old....

Big gamble...

your sister is clueless!

tell them you are moving, and that a care plan needs to be put into place. tell them that they have one month to sort shit out - of course youwill advise, but youhave your own stuff to sort out and can't actually do it.

thats what i would do - force theminto a situation where they have to take ownership.

glad i don't have siblings becuase i find it very very hard to have any truck with family who deliberatley shit on me on a regular basis.

oh that included my own mother too. theres only so much shit any oneperson can take - they don't have any right to treat you like this becuase they are your siblings -do not give them any more power becuase of this acident of birth, thatn you would give any other person - who you would expect to treat you with decency and respect and thought.