to expect a "friend"..

[honestfriend]

to get her Xmas card to me before the end of December?

Every year for years now, her card arrives after the 25th- often not posted til the end of December- often with the excuse she wanted to include a letter.

I haven't seen her for over 10 years, and although we met at school, I am tempted to take her off my Xmas list next year.

AIBU?

At least you get a card! A lot of my friends did not get a card last year and will not get one on time this year either. I hope they are a little more understanding and forgiving than you Not all will know exactly why, just hope they are a bit more elastic in our friendship give and take!

(last year a member of my family died a couple of weeks from Christmas and it threw me badly - just felt unable to send any cards at all. Just all felt wrong. This year I have been ill. All cards written, just failed to get to the post office in nearby town. DH is wonderful and done a lot for me, but I forgot to ask him to post the heap and he didn?t think of it for himself. Hey ho. I will get them in the post now I am out of bed and using the office computer not the laptop in bed.. but they will be late)

well, maybe all my other friends are worth their weight in gold...they send cards every years and they arrive on time.

I agree it's the thought that counts- and i am sorry to appear an old misery, but if the thought does count, why not send it on time- being 5 days or more late seems to show to me that she simply doesn't care, and shows a complete LACK of thought- it's offensive.

anyway- no big deal- just wanted some opinions.

Oh dear. Well I'm not sure what to say. It doesn't take much to offend you, clearly!

Does it matter?

Is it worth letting your blood pressure rise about this?

I would find this funny, you seem to be thinking quite pettily, but @ll let you off because it's Christmas eve.

For the first time ever I have not got around to writing or sending cards to R-Z in the address book. Sometimes stuff just gets in the way

If she always sends her cards late, then actually I would see it as one of her funny quirks. It is also guaranteed you will notice her card, as it arrives on its lonely ownsome!
At least she sends you a card.
I don't understand why it has you so riled?

If you're not sure whether to continue sending her a card, my suggestion would be to make 2009 the year you meet up again in person - then you can see if there's still a friendship there which is worth preserving - and if there isn't, then you have your answer really.

I did that this year with someone with whom I had exchanged cards for years but not seen. We met for lunch earlier this year and, while I wouldn't go so far as to say it was awful - it wasn't great either. And she has very sensibly not sent me a card this year.

Gosh - She takes the time to send you a card and includes a letter, and you find it "offensive" because she send it later than you send your cards!

This is out-of-control-freakery of the highest order.

OOh get over yourself and take Sixspots advice.

I am honestly baffled by you feeling offended by a late Christmas card

I'm now wondering if I've offended anyone this way, but to be honest, all my friends are real friends who wouldn't be upset by something so trivial.

I have lots of friends I don't see often, some abroad and some at the other end of this country.

I am delighted to hear from them whenever they send a letter/card.

Friendships are supposed to be unconditional - a bit of christmas spirit wouldn't go amiss.

YABU

YABU.

10 years !

People i'd not seen for 10 years are not friends, they are peope you used to know surely.

Oh good grief. Seriously? There are actually people who are OFFENDED by the late arrival of a Christmas card? Well I wonder which of the people on my Christmas card list I have offended this year because every single card I sent will arrive after the 25th. I laboured on and sent them anyway in the belief that my friends would probably prefer to have my warm wishes to them and their families, as well as a little news about what we're up to, and lots of love from us all a bit late, rather than not at all.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Really surely it's more important that she takes the time to send you a card at all?

This is why I like the French tradition of 'new years' cards. It lets me get away with being a bit disorganised on the letter front.

I have friends I haven't seen for over 6 yrs because they live a long way away, but I know they would be there for me if I needed them and I would try to be there for them.

honestfriend sorry if i upset you by saying you hadn't made the effort to see your friend in 10 years; i did just assume that you hadn't made the effort. What is the real reason for not seeing each other in 10 years, if you have made the effort?

My real point is is this person your friend, or someone who was your friend 10 years ago?

Maybe she's Orthodox so celebrates Christmas on the 5 or 6 January. So, in her eyes, the card isn't late at all

FWIW, I did send a few cards this year. But not all my friends sent ones to me - but I'm certainly not going to ditch a friendship over a poxy card. I only send a handful of cards as it is - I think it's rebelling against my mum who sends (& receives) hundreds of the wretched things. It's such a palaver!