DH is out all day celebrating Xmas whilst I'm at home with 3 kids (one is 8wks old) ...

[twinmumma]

.... AND he won't give up his football on a Sat afternoon - despite me having given up all MY hobbies to have the children (and lost my figure too....... that's really what is getting to me) and when I asked him to consider giving up footie he said that he'd finish work at lunchtime on a Fri instead.
Friday isn't a stressful day for me - cos he gets home in time to help with tea.
Sat is awful cos he gets home after tea - so I am feeding 8wk old... and trying to cook for and feed 3 yr old twins at the same time.....
Does he not realise how hard things are???

I have made it clear I want more support and help
AND asked him to give up football- just til the end of the season... then he can do it again -
BUT NO JOY.
Am I being unreasonable???

yanbu but then i would say cos i feel the same and have been told iabu on other thread about a party.
could he prepare meal before he went to football?

Oh dear

My DH is also out but we only have one baby.

My DH also plays Saturday sport but we compromise (sounds like your DH needs to too).

He plays sport Saturday afternoon, I now get to go to the gym/hairdresser/shops whatever for a couple of hours in the morning, or lie in bed!

You have to have you time. Not sure feeding wise how that would work with an 8 week old, but soon .....

twinmumma YANBU

Ilovetochatupsanta, your situation is very different

also I remember that at 8 weeks DD didnt have a bed time so I think DH would have come back fairly early, say 9/10pm ish - not sure.

Have you asked for this? Or is DC fairly settled?

I used to find the nights very hard and lonely if DH was not around.

ALso (sorry me again) will he now be off over Christmas to help out/take over for a bit?

It's unreasonable to expect him to have no time to himself whatsoever, but it works both ways. You need some quiet time too. There needs to be a compromise - maybe football a couple of Saturdays a month, but then on the alternating Saturdays he takes the 3 year olds out for a full afternoon? And the baby when he/she's old enough?

The only way to get through is in a calm, well-rehearsed conversation - practice in the mirror if you need to. Resist any urge to get hysterical and shouty, because you're less likely to be taken seriously (bitter experience emoticon).

Are you me? Similar story here! No advice, but much sympathy! YANBU! Make him sort out breakfast and have a lie in!

Really good to hear that I am not alone (sad - but good!)
Lots of points to come back on....

1. What's YANBU?!!
2. yes - he is off now for 2 wks for xmas so really looking forward to that
3. he almost ALWAYS does breakfast for twins before going to work - and rushes back to sit down with them for tea(I prepare it and he serves it, and clears away) so that is REALLY helpful
4. I totally agree that it's unreasonable to expect him to have no time off.... he works v hard as a plasterer, and drives long distances to work and then home sometimes too - but just to have no commitment to a Sat pm football for this season - that's all I ask. So he can go some weeks and not others. I take the girls to dance classes on a Sat morning - or I would push to have this as ME time - BUT also he works on a Sat morning too. He earns too much on a Sat morning to stop doing that.... and on that note - He has said he'll take Fri afternoon off - but that stresses me cos we can't afford time off like that! LAST POINT - thanks for advice re the mirror. I did the hysterical thing last night - got his back right up! Not good. I knew it would - but I had reached the end of my tether Thing is... I am a coper. I get on with things.... but sometimes I am NOT coping - but he can't see it - even when I tell him!

oh and pamelat... yes - DS is really good at settling at night. He cried on and off from 7.15 - 8pm (for 2 or 3 mins at a time... then quiet for 5-10 mins) But each cry was stressful... so much easier with someone with u.
And yes... soon! I know it will ease - which is why I am only asking for compromise for the next 6 months - not even that.
GRRRRRR
I am def not being unreasonable!! He's being a git. Don't think I'll tell him that. Telling him he was selfish last night didn't go down well either.... cos actually he isn't - Just not willing to give up his TRUE LOVE of footie! He is v brilliant and helpful in other ways... as I said previously. Bless.

Hi twinmumma I know it is hard being left on your own but that is the joy of parenthood! I think yabu to ask your dh to give up something he enjoys so much. Try and arrange for him to look after the kids for a few hours each week for you to have me time and it won't be such a big issue if he has sat pm to himself!

You are lucky. And a tiny bit unreasonable. He is almost always making breakfast, AND tea most days. He works 5 1/2 days per week, and you want to deprive him off his footie.

I know it is hard. But you will have to rethink your entire week so YOU can get some time also. If your twins are 3, are they taking their free sessions in preschool?

Dont take away from a man the only spare time and exercise he has. Try and find a way for you to get some too!

ooh try doing all this when you are a single parent, and nobody ever comes home to help with the kids..

allgonebellyup, that is not a very helpful comment is it?

Just because someone else might be having a harder time than you, doesn't make things more bearable for you.

well i dont see what the prob is

Can't you just do the simplest of dinners for the twins on Sat nights? Like, sausages & toast? Done in 5 minutes, they eat by themselves, and you focus on feeding the baby.

I get the feeling that the problem is not that you can't cope but that you don't want to, given that the very kids' father is out having fun. This kind of resentment is normal but not helpful in a relationship.

Instead of depriving him of his fun, make him babysit sometime and go shopping, see friends, etc.

I ALWAYS cook the tea, he just dishes it out and serves it, eating his tea with the girls... then I have mine after settling baby.
I totally do NOT want to take away the thing that he enjoys - that isn't constructive or positive... BUT What I do want is for him to not be committed to going to Footie every saturday for the next 6 months. He can then be more helpful to me.... THEN he can go back to it as per normal - as baby will be 10 months at start of next season - and things will be so much easier.
I have lost ALL my hobby time. I used to go to the gym and exercise classes... I am now up 2 dress sizes from pre pregnancy - and can't go and exercise cos feeding myself and boobs won't let me!! A lot of my feeling low is due to weight gain that I hate.
I can cope 80% of the time, but then get this overwhelming feeling of not being able to cope.
Think it's exasperated by the fact that he has been out several times since baby born and got drunk and left me to handle all 3 kids... And then been totally useless the next day too -- cos of hangover.
Where is my free time??!! I agree with what people saying - I need to find time for me. That will DEF make things better..... it's just hard cos there seems to be little available time. (And I have very little energy as baby feeding x 2 every night still and I am living on 4 -5 hours of very broken sleep!)
I do totally know that I am luckier than lots - esp single parents.....
however- we BOTH chose to have child number 3 and yet my life has change beyond recognition - whereas his is slightly more sleep deprived, but apart from that remains the same.

Anyway - thanks for your comments. It really does help to put things in perspective.

I think you are at that difficult stage with baby being 8 weeks. THey are still a bit random and erratic but by 12 - 16 weeks they usually settle down more and you can find a routine.

Have you thought about putting your kids in the creche at your local sports centre so you can exercise in the day? That is what I do. Drop my eldest at school, then 9.30 - 10.30 twice a week I go swimming and my younger two are in the creche. Though it does make for an expensive swim with their creche fee on top.

Or take it in turns with a friend to have have the twins and put the younger one in the creche.

So far as the football thing goes. If it is his only hobby and he isn't proppping up the bar every night, I would let that one go. Everyone needs an outlet and if all he does is work and then come home and parent, you will suffer in the long run! Don't take his hobby away from him, just try and find a way to get some time for yourself too.

Good luck!

can you take some time to yourself on the sunday and leave him in charge?
you are being unreasonable if he is willing to accomodate you having some time to yourself once a week as well. as he has already offered the compromise of taking half of firday off to make up for the time he will be missing.
you are not being unreasonable if he expects to have time off every week for footie leaving you in charge but is unwilling to reciperocate by staying at home with the kids for a similar amount of time while you go and do something you enjoy.(or even just sleep)

thanks saggyhairyarse and mayorquimby....
more food for thought!

The reason I think that I got so cross with him is that he has recently had about 4 heavy drinking nights (unlike him) and I am stuck at home with young baby... and the twins - feeling fat and sluggish - and like I have no time to myself.AND I can't have a drink STILL!! been a long time (although had 3 units over xmas!!!

He has agreed to come home for 5 - 5.30 after footie - as I struggle on a Sat to do the tea and feed baby... and girls are tired and crabby after busy day on Sat.
SO -just for the next few months... then back to normal.
AND - yes - having Sunday to do something is a great idea. I love doing stuff as a family - but I could leave him with them all and have an early morning swim after the first feed or something. then still have famiy fun time!
THANK YOU all - really putting things into perspective. Great to have other points of view xxx

also great idea re the baby in creche....
will do that when girls back to nursery...will leave them with a grandparent for an hour or so. They'll love it!

THANK U again. x