to be in a panic that DS doesn't have enough gifts?

[poetmum]

So, I started unpacking, wrapping and sorting the boxes and bags tonight. DH has tons of stuff (some of which he ordered himself.) DD - age 22 - has boxes and boxes of clothes and things. She has been awful, ungrateful and sulky all year. (To the point where DS is nervous about being around her.) But, I did find some "coal" chocolates to put in her stocking.

DS has some lovely wooden puzzles and educational games from Santa. A few books, some craft things (not top of his list) and a remote control helicopter from us (DH and I.) But, nothing big!

The problem is that DS is grateful. He feels perfectly confidant that he will get what he needs and when we can do it - he will get of what he wants. He didn't even want to make a list this year! So, I'm stumped.

It appears as if DD - who is awful - will have loads and loads. And DS who is thoughtful, cooperative and content will have very little. I think we need to find a something big and special for him. What do you think? The message is naughty, sulky, self-indulgence gets loads of rewards. But, cooperative, not greedy, sweet behaviour gets very little?

How old is he? Is that really the message he'll get?

Can you keep some of DD's stuff to one side and save it for another occasion? Or agree to do something lovely with DS - a day out, trip to the theatre or something?

DS is 5 years old.

I have to admit, that, I had ulterior motives in mind with DD. All of her clothes were "modified" when she decided to be an "anti-establishment punk." Now, that she is ready to turn her life around - after a shattered wrist, no ability to hold a job until she finishes physical therapy, and no suitable clothing for volunteer work - I want to help. (After cutting her off completely for awhile.) She's willing to do some gallery sitting and administrative work for a cool art organisation. But, she has to have the things we got her to pull it together.

Fortunately, we can afford a something wonderful for DS. Christmas should be about him. (Not his sister's Robert Frost moment.) Or am I being unreasonable?

If you can afford it, get DS something wonderful! It should be about him. Although I suspect he won't be too upset that he doesn't get a pile of clothes, like his sister. Toys are much cooler than clothes.

Unfortunately, he does care about clothes. And he knows the value because we home educate...so he is there with his calculator in hand. And I don't ever dare buy anything for DD without his consent. (I've even had women in shoppes say "Oh, he has such good taste!!" or "Honey, do you think this will look good on me?" It's awkward, but he is is father's son. Think Prince's "If I Was Your Girlfriend." and you'll get the vibe."

But, your advice, SuperBunny rings true. I just don't want to get caught up in all the hype and consumerism. But, looking at the colour coded packages makes me rethink that idea. (Yes, I colour code the gift wrap, please feel free to call me neurotic.)

Suggestions still welcome. (And thanks SuperBunny...you are super)

xmas is a fecker - thats why I dont do it

Get him tickets for something.
A day out is much MUCH better than clothes.

Get him one of those big wooden castles; Early learning have them I think. Make it on Christmas eve and wrap it then - it will look huge and I think would seem like the biggest present in the room to him!

Also don't get too worried about this; your DS will probably be too taken with playing with his new stuff to care about his sister getting a bunch of boring clothes - he will feel sorry for her if anything! For the 5 yr old boys I know, clothes are not a present - more an insult!

get him osmething that comes in a mahoosive box.

Day out with just the three of you,without the ungrateful moody brat. What kind of stuff does he like? Maybe a motor museum or transport! Maybe with a couple of his friends my DS loves that instead of toys.

'And I don't ever dare buy anything for DD without his consent.'

he is only 5!!!

Lego comes in gynormous boxes but is easy to store afterwards and lots of scope for play - imaginative, cognitive, small motor skills etc

Take him for a special day out.

I doubt you'll ever be able to get parity when you're buying for a 22 yr old and a 5 yr old.

I wouldn't be too concerned tbh.

Thanks for the great idea about a mahoosive, gynormous box. That will do it. And a child always needs more legos. And ice cream machine - what a great idea!

And Compo - he is an unusual 5 year old boy. He has incredible taste in clothing. The moment I actually started listening to his advice people kept saying how wonderful I looked. And DD always likes what he picks out for her.

Thanks everyone!