To think my MIL is a selfish pain in the a*se?

[daisydora]

Apologies for another MIL rant....

...my MIL lives approx 10 mins walk from me and DH. I had my second baby 3.5 weeks ago by c-section. I cannot drive at mo, and am at home all day with new DS and DD (2.4). DH back at work and works shifts often 8 till 8. My MIL has been to my house once the week after I was home from hospital. She has never once asked if I need anything from shops, need a break from DD, or anything. I knnow for a fact she 'nips' to Tesco nearly erery day.

She rang earlier to ask if she was going to see my DC soon I pointed out I cannot drive, I have no double buggy and DD is hit and miss if she'll walk all the way. I cannot manage my pram and DD if she has a tantrum and wants picking up.

Yet when MIL is ill the whole world has to dance to her tune, run round with meals etc. AIBU in thinking she's a self centred so-and so???

yanbu, tell her to come and give you a hand.

To add my own mum has recently had surgery on her hand and cannot really help me out, or drive herself. MIL knows this too...

Perhaps the lack of sleep is getting to me.

Have you asked her to help you?

Ah sorry your having a rough time Daisy, congrats on the baby.

I do think that some people just cannot see the wood for the trees, and you will maybe need to ask for some help. Perhaps if you rang her and said, "would you mind, next time your going to" "its such a struggle at the mo, with the new baby, my mums poorly " blah blah she may just realise and keep asking you.

YANBU - she really should offer to help.

I too had a section with my DS & DD was 2.1 when DS was born (This was in August) I found it very hard to do the normal day to day things so roped everyone in to help!

MIL was more then willing to help & was a Godsend.

Your MIL could at least offer to pop round & entertain DD for an hour so you could sit down & rest!!

oops x posted with ilove

I mentioned it to DH who did ask her. She has to him on a couple of occasions that she will call round. She has cancelled both times...

Yes, she is a selfish old cow. Hopefuly your husband can see that too. I would just think what goes around comes around and don't let her selfishness spoil these precious first few weeks for you because you can never get them back. And when she needs something, say you'll do it, then cancel, several times.

It wouldn't have occured to me to ask for or expect help from my in-laws tbh.

Has she ever been helpful?

I didn't get help with any of mine. It sucks doesn't it?

I comfort myself with the vision of her on her own at Xmas time in years to come. Or in a home. I sure as hell won't be helping or doing anything for her and DH has said the same!!

congratulations on the baby! what a shame she's not offering to help you out a bit, YANBU

People don't seem to realise that when you have a newborn they come to you, not the other way round!!! I would never expect a mate of mine with a new baby to out herself out, I would go to them and at least make tea, take the toddler off their hamds for a bit.

You're right sbout the walking I only have 1 dc (dd2.3) and a 10 minute walk without the buggy is stretched out to half and hour at the very least!

I was acussed "of not making any effort" after dd was born my MiL and BiL because i didn't drive over the pennines from Manc to Halifax to see them when on mat leave. It's ridiculous people should put their own needs to one side sometimes and think about other peoples predicaments.

She's family don't wait to be asked just tell her what you want from the shop and when she brings it round hand voer the baby!

When my baby was born my mil wanted us to bring the baby to her, I think some of these inlaws have screws loose, anyway i told my husband to tell her that I was not coming out with a new born baby in the cold and she would have to make her own way.
If you really need the help then ask, if the relationship is a civil one.

I think YANBU to thin she might offer to help.

However she might worry that she is overstepping the mark and being too intrusive.

If you oculd dowith her help why not give her a call and ask he to get X Y and Z for you next time she is at Tesco and would she liek to spend a bit of time with the dc's when she drops it over

Can't xpect ehr to know you need help if you don't ask. And you don't know exactly what your dh said to her -he might have been a bit vague about it.

Good luck x

Does your MIL work or have a busy social life?

I would echo Alicet - perhaps your MIL is unwilling to be intrusive and does not want to bother you at this stage - she may be waiting to be invited round?

Ring her and ask her round for a cuppa.

Assuming she comes - ring her a second time and ask for a hand.

If you get no joy with that then you know that this is how she is and YANBU. If she comes and starts to slowly relax and help and play with dc's - then it was some issue or other you were expected to mind read and didn't because it's impossible to do so despite what the older generation seem to think.

No YANBU. Even if she doesn't know what help you specifically need, she doesn't need any intelligence to just ask if she can help.

I think some people in life are givers, and others are takers. Perhaps she is a taker?