to want some sleep or some help with ym son??????

[jennybensmummy]

My other half stays up at weekends til around 12 and weekdays til around 10-30. he gets up 10 minutes before he walks out the door for work during the week and at weekends doesnt get up til around 10 yet has no sympathy for the fact due to my sons needs (he is autistic and has major sleep problems even on medication!) im up so early with him, for example this week i have been up at 2.30 one day but the rest were 4am and thats awake those times for the rest of the day. between him going to bed and waking up at these ghastly times he wakes in the night too!!!!! yet i ask my other half to get up earlier so i can get dressed on my own while he watches my son etc and he says whats the point im used to it now!!! I cant go to bed much earlier than i do as i need some me time. my son often doesnt go to sleep til 8 (only as he has his medication - otherwise it would be 10/11!!) and then i have to have my tea, tidy up etc and sit down to have time to me before going to bed about 10/10.30 then sleep is broken numerous times by my son before being up for day again anywhere between 2 and 5 (if im lucky!!). am i being unreasonable to expect my child to sleep or to have more support from my partner???? incidently he doesnt sleep during the day either and due to the way he is with his autism he rarely even sits down so its a full time job running around after him and so so tiring - wish he was newborn again that was easier by a mile!!!

You must be exhausted

Of course you are not being unreasonable to expect some help.

Is your dp your ds's dad?

no hes not his dad, we met when ds was 9 months old though and he was 3 last month. he doesnt see his biological dad though so thats not an option either!! i am so tired but as i am so used to it i think people forget how i look when im fully relaxed and awake and the only jenny they know is the one in a zombie state!!!

could you eat your tea and clear up while ds was up then me time as soon as he goes to bed then you could go to bed about 9? not ideal i realise but might help?
does he go to any sort of playgroup/preschool? could you rest then? any relatives around to help? also explain to dp that you are not "used to it" and need help.
YANBU btw

Have you explained to your dp that sleep deptivation will turn you into a raving, hysterical loon? (Just speaking from my own experience).

I have child who sounds like dream compared to your situation, but lets say she doesn't need a lot of sleep and has regular nightmares.

I know how you feel when you hae got up for the day at 4am with no prospect of sleep until 10pm. I'm also lucky I work, which means I get some me time some days at my desk!

Maybe if your dp could see how his life would improve if he helped out? Eg a happier, nicer to be with you, more sex, more time together etc. he might help out more?

Are you happy with how he is with your ds generally when he is around? Does he find it hard to interact with your ds - or doews he just not want to do the night shift?

I would def have tea with your ds. It transformed our lives when I finally persuaded dh to eat at 5.30. It meant we could spend our time together in the evenings, not me in the kitchen, him watching Top Gear. He said if he'd realised sooner what a differnce it owuld make to us he wouldn't have insisted on having dinner at 8-9pm

YANBU at all! Does your DS go to nursery at all? Are you entitled to any respite care? Have you been offered any help with his sleep?

He might not be your OH's son but if you're living together as a family he should help out more. Maybe take it in turns to lie in at the weekend or something.

It sounds like your DP is not interested in your DS. Sorry.

Some men don't realize that the woman they love and her child come together as a package. Maybe you should remind him that.

you poor thing
don't know about the DP issue sorry, but you do need some help, from someone, soon, is that possible?

well, my son is on medication to help him sleep and this is what we get, it was worse before!!! We dont get any respite and whenever i have asked for anything like that we have just been turned down! And until i can find a suitable nursery where they will manage with him and he will cope i cant send him to nursery - even when i find somewhere i will need to wait for the funding issue to be sorted as he needs one to one care while he is there and they need to apply for the funding for that!! it just seems like a no win situation at the moment and just getting worse and worse!!! Yesterday i could barely keep my eyes open in the afternoon after having had 3.5 hrs sleep which was broken twice by him waking!! We cant eat when he is us as he really doesnt cope with that and he spits in our food, throws his everywhere and generally its a disaster - its not really something that would improve the more we did it though either as we did it all the time a while back and it just made our lives hell, we still do occasionally but its just not a viable option unfortunately!! im dreading christmas dinner as it will be the same fiasco, he just cant cope with it all and will more than likely make himself sick!! i dont take him to any groups except support group type of things as the people there understand, bens behaviours are very extreme and were just not accepted at other groups really and get constant nasty comments from people so i dont go as it makes things all harder really,
anyway, i know this has just become more of a moan than an aibu so sorry just ignore me!!

I don't know what to suggest, but just wanted to offer my sympathy. It sounds really dreadful - I don't know how you could have warm feelings for your dp in other areas, considering what he is like in this one - that attitude is nothing to do with being a 'partner' - sorry but he sounds totally selfish.

sorry jnm it really is a tough situation. Sounds like your dp is avoiding becuse it's too difficult to deal with. Others may see it as selfish, but to me he is trying to find a way of coping. Unfortunately it doesn't help you much.

Hopefully things will improve when you can get more help. Lack of sleep is a killer (says me sho's been up since 4.30 - again). I'm going to work today, so I can get some rest.

Its probably the case that your dp can't help much at night, but maybe you could discuss him doing some stuff in the day. Cooking the tea while you look after Ben, for example. Or pushing the hoover round. Even small things canmake a big difference

moan away - you deserve it! I can't believe you don't qualify for respite

So sorry to hear your story, no YANBU.
Autism is more than a challenge and you are basically having to cope with this as a single parent.

Have you contacted your local children's centre, or similar? Local Autism society? Local education inclusion department? Insist someone sees him and look into statementing asap- any teacher will tell you it's best done now.

Tell your GP you're on the edge- cos you certainly sound like you are, and ask him/her to refer you for practical help. Which doctor gave you the medication for your son? Can you call them and ask them to help you out?

I know it's Christmas but these services have to help you. The people who make the most noise tend to get the most help.