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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone (anyone) else to do Christmas one year?

38 replies

Quattrocento · 20/12/2008 00:19

Every year we have two Christmas things. One for my extended family around now (tomorrow in fact) and one on Christmas day.

The thing is, apart from the DCs no-one actually helps at all and it gets quite chaotic.

Take tomorrow. A meal for 14. Canapes, starters, main course, puddings, coffees. It takes a lot of shopping and organisation and stuff. Not to mention the cooking. And no-one blardy well helps.

My cousins roll up cheerily with a bottle of wine, head for the living room and merrily get plastered. Aunts and uncles ditto. Mother ditto. Great aunt ditto. When Great Aunt has a sip of wine she is given to making Pronouncements which offend nearly everyone in the room.

So in between sorting out the food I have to run inside and defuse the atmosphere created by a Pronouncement.

I would really really like a member of my family, or anyone elses for that matter to offer to do Christmas. For one year. Or maybe just even help clearing the table ...

AIBU

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:23

So why aren't you getting leathered then?

Because then, tbh, and I mean this in the nicest way possible because you know me of old, it would probably all sit nicer if you did.

If it's been this long, no one's going to step up to the plate.

So may as well get leathered like the rest of them and somewhat enjoy it.

Then you'll be bold enough to proclaim, 'Hey, you, you and you! Come help me clear the table.'

And they won't care and they'll do it because they've all be drinking your auntie's wine.

You so can't tell me you stay sober through this!?

Quattro, you're missing a trick.

wrinklytum · 20/12/2008 00:24

YANBU,sounds tiring.

My parents have gone down to DGM for Christmas,so it is just us for a change which is quite relaxing.

Hope it goes OK tommorow,and Pronouncements aren't too inflammatory

ChasingSquirrels · 20/12/2008 00:25

why do you do it?

Original poster
Quattrocento · 20/12/2008 00:29

Thanks both. Blinding flash of inspiration Expat, that's so clearly where I've been going wrong.

See, the unfortunate thing is that my Mother is given to tutting every time she sees me glugging drinking so I tend not to. Which means that I am mostly quite sober. Yes indeed. Get drunk, that's what I should do.

And you are right - no-one is ever going to step up to the plate

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:29

my folks wouldn't care, that's the beauty part.

if only they didn't live in fucking HOUSTON and my mother hold my goddamn inheritance over my fucking head like all fuck and i just don't give a fuck anymore because i'd rather fucking starve to death than live there and when will she just fucking get it now the dollars so trumps on the pound but who cares its not mine and i'm still in the same fucking situation as always.

and the hell with it, quattro, buy yourself a Very Nice bottle of Burgundy and open it up and if they are not happy say, 'Oh, I am ever so sorry . . .' and feed them a nice dessert made by someone else.

Cloudhopper · 20/12/2008 00:31

I understand completely. That is why when my SIL suggested going out for Christmas dinner this year, I just had to agree. Who wants to spend the best part of Christmas looking after relatives?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:32

Oh, my MIL tut tutts, too, when I drink.

What is this, a Baptist convention?

This is my house, for now.

I bust my ass when people come over.

Guests are a Big Deal to Southerners.

Friggin' nice soaps and fresh scented sheets and get up to get the coffee on and have the gammon in the slow cooker by noon and what not.

But I swill my wine in the utility room and if she smells it then she'd better go ahead and pray for my hell-bent soul!

Quattro, you're a good host.

A bad host would'nt give a damn.

Original poster
Quattrocento · 20/12/2008 00:36

LOL at Baptist convention ... I will think that tomorrow when I am swigging away at the wine. In the kitchen.

I don't know why I do it really. Family stuff I suppose.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:36

Seriously, make a list.

Delegate.

Don't like it, tough.

You Brits do too much.

There's no 'I' in 'team'.

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:36

Seriously, make a list.

Delegate.

Don't like it, tough.

You Brits do too much.

There's no 'I' in 'team'.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/12/2008 00:38

Agree with the drinking (well, I would, I'm Scottish )

I do Christmas every year, and don't mind it too much. I pre-prepare as much as I can and leave the rest to fate. I start drinking the minute I start cooking on Christmas day- that way I miss out on none of the fun, and if things aren't perfect, well, I don't care! One year I slaved over 4 different types of potatoes, then managed to forget to put 2 of them out on the table. Ah well- everyone got fed, we were all nice and relaxed, and it was a bonus not to have to cook potatoes on Boxing Day.

Again on the plus side, if you DO get tipsy and screw up a little, maybe someone else will think THEY might do it just as well next year! Maybe everyone thinks you are SOOO good at Christmas dinner they could never follow in your footsteps. You might need to lower your standards a little!

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:39

Arrggh!

Why the double posts?

Honestly, Quattro, lay down the cat o' nine tails!

NO ONE cares as long as they are fed and watered.

They're happy.

March you off to M&S and get that 'Full French' and 'Full Italian' house crap for a fiver a litre and pour it down your throat as well as yours and just make friggin' merry.

Your food's good. Your company's good.

What else do they want?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:41

I'm not Scottish, either, but I've lived here for 7 years.

The neighbours next door never had children.

So come one, come all!

Mulled cider, roast turkey, biscuits made from a boxed mix and all!

Bring your guitar, show me some new stuff, I only know 5 cords.

the place is a tip, the wean wakes up half the night and it's no' my night sit watch with him, so let's sing till all hours.

What's Xmas for, anyhow?

Original poster
Quattrocento · 20/12/2008 00:42

The only problem with starting drinking as soon as I start cooking is that I start cooking at 7am. And I don't stop until 30 minutes before they are due to arrive when I have a shower and stuff.

Erm, I can't possibly start on burgundy at 7am. Would have to be champagne ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Quattrocento · 20/12/2008 00:43

Oh Expat I want you to come with your guitar. Would be fun. You would shock my Great Aunt though

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:47

I'd leave off till 2PM.

That would be my rule.

I am crap at my guitar. Next door neighbour, retired software engineer, has to teach me.

I sing, he plays. Now I want it to be the other way round.

Will spend all Sat. baking for them and the neighbours on the other side.

This is our last Xmas here, gotta have those mincemeat biscuits make an impression and keep both girls busy at the same time!

Honestly, Quattro, they are here to see YOU. They are here for your company.

So make that the focal point and open up the Burgundy once the clock strikes 2.

Like the Germans say, Business is Business and schnapps is schnapps.

Get the one out the way first!

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:48

and be not afraid!

'Oh, dear! I've had a drop overmuch I(giggle). Who can help me [insert task]?'

they'll step up, trust me!

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:55

you've got to let.it.go.

it's christmas, not world peace negotiations.

delegate. lighten up and call the day before and say, 'i've gotten in above my head. can you go to M&S and you get . . . XYZ?'

because really, it's about the company, isn't it?

isn't about how lucky they are, having their real family close by and here and not thousands of miles away?

isn't about a song and a laugh and crackers that are meaningless?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:55

you've got to let.it.go.

it's christmas, not world peace negotiations.

delegate. lighten up and call the day before and say, 'i've gotten in above my head. can you go to M&S and you get . . . XYZ?'

because really, it's about the company, isn't it?

isn't about how lucky they are, having their real family close by and here and not thousands of miles away?

isn't about a song and a laugh and crackers that are meaningless?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:55

you've got to let.it.go.

it's christmas, not world peace negotiations.

delegate. lighten up and call the day before and say, 'i've gotten in above my head. can you go to M&S and you get . . . XYZ?'

because really, it's about the company, isn't it?

isn't about how lucky they are, having their real family close by and here and not thousands of miles away?

isn't about a song and a laugh and crackers that are meaningless?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 00:55

stop.this.double.post.crap!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/12/2008 00:58

I like your style, expat!

Seriously, Quattro, if these relatives of yours are any way human they will prefer coming to a house with a happy, laissez-faire host, than having an a1 meal served by a red-faced stresshead!

My gran used to do Christmas dinner every year, and she fretted and fussed about it so much that we all hated it. She got uptight about the soup getting cold, about the turkey being too dry, about evrything and anything, and it kinda ruined the day. Probably the reason why, since I started doing it, I have taken a very laid-back approach- cos I knew how much my folks hated all that palaver and fuss.

If there are 14 people coming, I think it could be reasonable to ask them all to do a bit for the meal. I had 16 to a pre-Christmas "the kind of Christmas dinner you would have if only you didn't have family" dinner. I did the turkeys, someone else made soup, another baked his own bread, someone did a fish course, someone did potatoes, another couple other veg.2 people did puddings. The boys made punch and brought crisps/ dips/ nibbles for later. It was one of the best meals ever, because it felt so great that everyone had contributed- compliments were flying, everyone got their own "bit" out, and relaxed the rest of the time. Worth a try?

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 01:01

Texas style!

My mother is a host extraordinnaire.

If I won the lotto tomorrow, my first wish would be to be closer to her and MIL, for all they both drive me crazy!

Pot luck.

And delegate.

And they are here for your company, Quattro.

A true guest always is and acts accordingly.

It's Christmas, not hostage negotiations.

expatinscotland · 20/12/2008 01:03

People like to do their own bit, IME.

'I made the starter.'

'Oooo, whose dip is this?'

'Lovely crepes, who made?'

Brits beat themselves up too much, IME.

Delegate. They like it, everyone likes it, it makes for a fun day.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 20/12/2008 01:05

Exactly, expat! people like to feel they have contributed, IME. It means you can have a realy special meal that everyone feels good about- and if they help with the washing up, so much the better!