to blow off visit from friend tomorrow... serious advice needed please

[MrsSeanBean]

I haven't been feeling well but a couple of weeks ago I fixed up an evening with a friend - she is due to come to my house for the evening tomorrow. For various reasons (possibly depression) I really don't want her to come. I just don't want to see anyone at the moment, I don't feel up to socislising and would rather sleep.

I have cancelled a visit from her in the past when I've felt ill. Will it appear rude if I cancel again? I feel guilty about letting her down at short notice.

If I do cancel what can I say? I can't say 'I'm depressed' can I?

Maybe the visit is just what you need? Force yourself and you may have a good time. I have felt the same myself and been unable to wriggle out of arrangements and been pleasantly surprised by the results.

My (ex) friend was always cancelling on me and it is very upsetting, especially the Sat night before Xmas when she may have had other offers which she has passed on to see you. If i was her, i would think if you were depressed then it would be nice to spend an evening with a friend sharing a bottle of wine so would be quite miffed

Do you think the thought of it is worse than actually doing it? You might actually have a lovely time, relaxing, chatting, chewing the cud, rather than being alone with all your (depression) thoughts running through your head

Sorry if i'm way off the mark - i've only been on the receiving end of this

How god a freind is she? Wold you feel comfortable if she visited and you just sank into the couch and said 'i feel sh*t'?

Haver seen your other thread, msb, whether your friend visits or not, think you might want to visit your gp? do you think this could be (delayed) pnd or baby blues?

Oh, I thought you meant to "blow off during visit with friend"!

Sorry, must put down the Guinness!

Actually reading these replies with my alternative thread title for you should cheer you up! It's quite funny!

You could chat and say that you feel a little moody and under the weather. I have a bit of sympathy. My BF has invited us to her house for NYE with our 4 year old. 2 month ago I said we(DH and me) shouldn't be so precious about travelling with DS in the evening, she only lives 1 hour away. We agreed then Ds could sleep in her spare bed until we go home. Sadly I'm not to keen on this idea now. I just want to stay at home put Ds to bed and maybe, only maybe have a couple of neighbours around for a couple of drinks. What do I say to her now? Sorry just think I'm in sort of the same boat!!

She's not that close a friend. Not the sort I could open up to or would understand, she is hard to talk to at the best of times.

Could I have PND 18 months after birth? I am SAHM and feel very bored with my life at the moment. Sorry if that sounds selfich as I know I have it easy compared to a lot of others. But I do feel s*it and the feeling isn't getting any better.

sorry you haven't been feeling the best. if she is a friend i think you should tell give her the censored version: that you are not feeling very well, no need to be specific, 'worn-out' or something similar.

i suffered from depression from many years and unfortunately i would lie outright sometimes to avoid friends.

i should also add that even though we all need our space sometimes depression is an isolating disease and at times you have to force yourself to see people. more times than not you do feel better afterwards.

in addition it may seem rude and if friends do not know what is wrong with you then regular cancellations will leave them confused and maybe hurt. i know it is very difficult though and my heart goes out to you.

look after yourself.

x-posts.

good advice above! i don't know when the post-natal cut-off is, but you certainly could be depressed, with or without children, at any stage.

ahem, sorry about the inappropriate blow off post there.

If you want to keep her as a friend, PLEASE don't lie. My (ex) friend blew me out as she said she was working late and i walked into the local pub and she was there. Then she blanked me as though it was my fault. SHe had many ishoos and was always cancelling things with people, and lost all her good friends as a result. It was all a terribly sad situation and we would rather she had been honest with us all.

pnd, to the best of my limited knowledge, can be delayed, so i would definately think about getting an app with your gp. Being bored is one thing, but feeling down, alone, teay, no interest in your family (part of a sentance from your other thread implies family not brilliant?)bare indicators its not just boredom. Is your friend likely to stay late or would she get the hint f you weren't being extremely sociable? As a prev poster has pointed out, its the last sat before christmas and your friend has arranged to spend it with you so she must want to see you, just how you can dictate the evening, eg will it be a long boozy night or a couple of cups of tea and then she's off? what have your family said if anything about your general demeanor or haven't they noticed

If she's hard work 'sack her off'. Get a nice comfortable book/dvd and snuggle up!

Oh shit! No, I don't mean that I mean to blow off the post, I mean that I didn't mean to post about blowing off. I misread it and thought it was silly and anyway, thoughts out loud and all that. No-one has blown off. Sorry.

Oh and good luck with the friend thing.

The problem is, she's not the sort of friend I ever feel relaxed with, she's the sort of friend where you feel have to sit 'bolt upright' in a chair, not just relax and slump.

I just feel I don't have the energy to pretend to be stimulating and interesting/ interested when I have barely been able to drag myself out of bed all week let alone cope with daily chores.

Don't worry cliff, it would have cheered me up on a better day.

mmmm, drag out of bed.... I think you should have a chat with a GP as I believe that's a sign of depression.

It's not just boredom I feel, I have no energy, losing interest in my appearance, getting behind with chores, not eating properly, and hate going out. I feel like I am vegetating. I have no stimulus anymore... just drudgery. DP is useless, no support whatever. He won't / can't talk to me.

I feel bad about letting 'friend' down as she may have had other offers... I usually just go ahead and put myself last. But I really do feel on this occasion ,ike I can't cope. And yes it will be a long boozy evening, she always stays really late.

If Cliff's posts didnt raise a smile, you must be feeling bad

I would just be honest with her if you dont feel well. Book a doctors appointment, then you can honestly say you are going to the doctor to make it clear you are not lying. But please do do something about the illness - a couple of weeks feeling bad, could be a virus?

"sit 'bolt upright' in a chair, not just relax and slump. " - see, read that in relation to blowing off in front of your friend, 'tis very funny!

i think you should ask cliff.. to come along, that might help!

Seriously, you can either make a limp excuse to cancel and decde to worry about what your friend thinks or shrug your shoulders and think 'so what' or bite the bullet and put up with having company, and see how the evening unfolds.

You do sound like you really need to talk to someone, though, please do this as your posts imply you need some support which you're not getting at home.

Maybe Cliff's posts are not so far off the mark. I have had awful indigestion all week as well. Maybe it's a wierd virus which is sapping energy and messing with my head.
I suppose if I go ahead and conversation falters I could always 'let rip'.

Thank you for all the advice, it's made me feel a bit better.

I'd better get to bed as I need every second of sleep I can get!

I did this recently. I know I always cancel, but I also overcommit myself and arrange things that if things are going well I can cope with, but if things go wrong (illness etc) I just can't manage it all.

Just go with your instincts. A real friend will understand if you have to cancel because you just don't have the energy.

I think I'd just text her and say that you are not feeling great and will explain when you see her. Get in touch when you feel better and explain then!