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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated about these things that have happened with ds's preschool in the last couple of weeks?

20 replies

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 21:06

DS, 3, goes to a pre school that he's been attending since September. He goes two mornings a week, which raised a few eyebrows from the staff, I think, initially, but he has settled in well, made a few friends and seems happy with going.

At the beginning of last week, his teacher mentioned that they were having "a very informal christmas concert, well not really a concert, just a few songs really" on a day ds doesnt usually go, and asked if he would like to go too. I said he would love to, although timing might be tricky but as it turns out we we were able to get there fine. When I got there it was a full on christmas concert complete with costumes, backdrops and rehearsed performances, it was lovely. As everyone arrived, i asked if he should be with his class, and one of the teachers said he could sit with them if he wanted when they came out. When he went over to sit with the children, he ended up coming back all teary eyed, and im not sure wether he lost his nerve or if he was told to sit with me in the audience. I suppose I felt a bit dissappointed for him that his class mates were all there dressed up, and i wish they had told me so I could have taken him something special to wear too, or dropped him off early so he could join in. BUT im not really sure which children were doing the show, maybe there were just full time or just afternoon children, although there were certainly kids from ds's group there. I do want to state that its not that I wanted to see ds all decked out like joseph reciting the nativity story, I just felt for him not being included with kids he knew doing the songs hed been singing at school, he had been excited when we were going, and then seemed confused and withdrawn when we got there.

Then today, they had santa visiting school. It was agian on a day he doesnt usually go. I wasnt going to send him , as I didn want to seem I was picking and choosing days to get all the treats, but the teachers asked if he would like to go, so he did. When I went to pick up, the head teacher was just escorting santa over the road to the daycare nursery, when she said "OH! I dont think ds has seen santa! Ask his teacher and let me know!" So I asked and it turns out they forgot to take him, although the head says "of course he wasnt forgotten, he was just having too much fun playing", but he was the only one as far as I could see that hadnt been taken.

I did have a few word with the teacher to say i was dissappointed that it appears that he isn't being included in things. And she was apologetic and said it was her first time doing all the christmas stuff as she is new to the job. She is lovely, and I do really like her, I suspect all this is more just miscommunication and not her fault.They did take him accross to the nursery to see santa but I would have thought it would be more fun with a group of class mates.

THEN when i looked through his christmas cards, the school had shoved a letter in the bag not signed, saying that they would be increasing his days to five a week, if i am agreeable, with effect from January. The letter was on a scrappy bit of paper, dated the eleventh, but i only received it in his christmas stuff today, and so could nt discuss it with anyone. I have no reason for why they want to increase his days, and I feel cross that it wasnt mentioned in person.

All these things in isolation would be not that big a deal, but together have irritated me. But aibu, and a bit precious??

OP posts:
2pt4WiseMen · 19/12/2008 21:14

I think the only one I'd be cross at would be the forgetting to take him to see Santa.
I would have been ever so cross at that!!
You did the right thing in having a word with them.

The other stuff...
The Christmas concert. My DS is just 3 and started his pre-school (2 afternoons a week!) in November. They also had a Chrsitmas do on a day that he doesnt normally go.
There were lots of kids all dressed up and a proper rehearsed bit but the little ones had no outfits and just sat on the mats around the floor and sometimes joined in the singing (my DS wouldn sit on the mat so didnt take part at all lol). It sounds quite normal to not really include the very youngest children as they arent really able to take part much.
On the other hand if Your DS was the only one without an outfit (and it wasnt the case that they thought you wouldnt be able to take him) then thats not on and I'd definitely ask about it!

Regarding the note about increasing his days, I'd assume that they've reserved 5 sessions a week for him as he is entitled to them. Up to you whether you accept them or not!
My pre-school did the same, said they had 5 available and I just said thanks I'll bump him up to 3 a week for now and then re-think at Easter. Just let them know if you dont want the 5 sessions as they may have other people waiting to offer them to...

Fluffybubble · 19/12/2008 21:22

I don't think that yabu. It does sound like a lack of communication, but if it is impacting on your ds (as with being excluded from the Christmas performance , even inadvertently ) then it is probably something you should discuss further.

As far as upping the number of days that he goes, that is your decision not the preschool's. They may prefer it if he went full-time (organisation-wise / financially) but you know your ds best. If two mornings a week suits him then stick to your guns.

I don't think that you are being precious at all, and I would feel exactly the same in your position (in fact I complained and withdrew my ds from his first preschool last year , but he ended up somewhere lovely, and I didn't regret it. ) My ds is now in Reception at primary school, but I do think that preschool gave him a good grounding and social skills that have allowed him to move on to school with confidence. I think that you should trust your instincts and address your concerns with the staff. If things don't improve, maybe consider looking elsewhere?

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 21:22

I think it was just the christmas concert thing coupled with the santa thing which annoyed me. He wasnt the only one without an outfit, I just wish they'd come and asked him if he wanted to sit with the others, really, but I never said anything as I do think I probably have misunderstood who was allowed to take part or something, and it was just one of those things.
I dont know really why I feel upset about it all, silly really, i guess.

OP posts:
MorningTownRide · 19/12/2008 21:25

Pressssshhhhhusssssss.......

pippylongstockings · 19/12/2008 21:29

I can understand where you are coming from on this my DS1 goes to his pre-school 3 mornings and they too had a 'xmas sing-a-long' on a day he wasn't normally there - again we all went as invited and when we got there lots of children were dressed up and had xmas crowns on etc and he was totally left out and over-whelmed by the whole thing because we didn't know what was expected.

I think there is often mixed messages maybe they assume you know things - as my DS1 really doesn't tell me what has happened in a day so I had no idea they had been properly practicing a christmas concert.

He turns 4 in Jan but I have no plans to up his hours I think 3 mornings is enough.

27 · 19/12/2008 21:29

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

It does sound like a bit of a lack of communication. I've found with nursery that it helps to be really clear about what is going on ie making sure that I dont feel vague or uncertain about what they are planning. I suppose in any situation with a lot of staff like that there is potential for everyone to think that someone else has told you, or to only give part of the information because the rest seems obvious to them.

I dont think you would be at all unreasonable to discuss your concerns with the nursery.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 21:32

I think it is a pain for them probably that he goes two mornings a week, but as I am a CM, i just feel there is no need for him to go more, hes happy with going for two and we do load withthe other kids the rest of the time.
2point4, maybe the letter did mean they have more space available, but it was worded that they would be increasing his hours, and I felt annoyed that they'd decided that without discussing it with me first. But I will take your approach and discuss with them as was thinking of increasing to 3 anyway!
Thanks, MOriningtownride, thats helpful!

OP posts:
lou031205 · 19/12/2008 21:34

It may be that the preschool aren't used to having a child that goes a small number of sessions. My DD's preschool has children that go between 2-5 sessions, on different days, some funded, some unfunded depending on age, so they are quite used to it.

What generally happens is that a sign is put up on the notice board saying that x is happening on such and such a day, and telling parents what time to bring their children if it is not their normal day.

I think that you should work out if you still want your son to go 2 sessions, or more, and let them know on first session back.

Re: communication, be proactive and make sure that you are clear on what is happening, but also make it clear that you are keen for your DS to be involved in anything 'special' that is going on on the other days.

YANBU, but there are probably very easy ways around it.

MorningTownRide · 19/12/2008 21:37

YABU - looks like the pre school are damned if they do and damned if they don't!

They have made sure he is included and you still complain!

DD had the same concert type thing at her pre school.

They practised and practised the songs (I assume they did, she came home singing a different ditty every week!)

He seems to be missing out on stuff so the school have sent out what is probably a standard letter - DH gets DD in her backpack as opposed to having it placed in his hands.

I'm trying (badly) not to sound like a bitch but you do seem to be over analysing it.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 21:47

Actually I really like the school on the whole. Yes they did ask if he would like to go to these things, and I was really pleased that they did. But he wasnt really included in them, and that is what has annoyed me. DS practiced the songs at school too, he also came home singing them, and lots of them he knew anyway.
The letter was dated way before any of this happened, no one has mentioned that they think he is missing out on stuff. If that was their concern, they should talk to me about it, so that we can decide the best course of action together - they are meant to be working in partnership with parents under the new EYFS now, after all.
Morningtownride, you dont at all sound like a bitch, just because you have a different opinion to mine doesnt make it a bitchy one!!

OP posts:
jollyholly · 19/12/2008 21:52

With regard to the five sessions - if he's funded, and they've not got a waiting list full of other children wanting the sessions, what's to stop you from accepting all five but then picking and choosing the days he goes, depending on what they are doing/what you are doing/whether you feel like sending him? We did this with dd2 - signed her up for all five sessions, but often dropped a session or two each week (particularly the friday afternoon session!). Could be useful if you find he's ready for more sessions before Easter - if you've only signed up for two or three you won't get funding for any extra sessions till next term.

MorningTownRide · 19/12/2008 21:52

Hmmmmm.

No clue what EYFS is!

Dh never talks to anyone at dds pre school.

He is in and out!

Maybe your ds could go 5 mornings? DD does and is thriving.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 22:01

jollyholly, thats a good idea, did the get annoyed though that you had booked five but didnt use them?
eyfs, is the new foundation stage curriculum that all early years settings follow.

OP posts:
jollyholly · 19/12/2008 22:03

No, they didn't get annoyed as it meant they got the full funding for her, and as always with preschools any extra cash is welcome! I wouldn't do it though if they had a long waiting list, it's not fair. Nice name, btw!

jollyholly · 19/12/2008 22:05

If they are funny with you, tell them that although you feel he's not ready for extra sessions now you feel he might be before Easter, and so you want them to have the funding now to reserve the place for when he's ready.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 22:09

Thanks! I was planning to increase to 3 after christmas and then increase to four the next term, to get him used to going somewhere several days in a row in time for reception in september. I dont mind if they want to keep the days open for the funding, just wish they would TALK to me about it!!! I dont think that there is a waiting list.

OP posts:
OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 19/12/2008 22:12

The nursery cannot claim the funding if the sessions are not being used. The LEA can re-claim the funding if you are booked in for sessions but don't use them. It is effectively fraud. Nurseries are paid for the number of sessions that are attended.

Obviously illness etc. doesn't count.

piscesmoon · 19/12/2008 22:14

I think it is just that it is very hectic. They asked him for the specials which was nice, they could easily have not bothered if it wasn't his day.It just sounds as if in the thick of things they forgot to slot him in.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 19/12/2008 22:32

You are right, Piscesmoon, i did think it was very nice that they asked him, i was really pleased. I think that is exactly what happened they were busy. I know its not the end of the world, it was just disappointing.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 19/12/2008 22:42

I know how you feel but I really think it was just an oversight. It is very stressful with DCs that age, speaking as the mother who always had DCs who sat on my knee instead of the stage or remained steadfastly silent when others were singing!

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