...about asking the Grandparents to babysit once in a blue moon..

[ChristmasPenguin]

I don't think I am, but the situation has upset me so much now that I'm just not sure anymore. Sorry if this is long..

I have a 1yo DS, and live with DP in our own house. My sister has a 6mo DD and lives on her own in a new flat. Grandparents are practically retired, my Mum works part-time/flexi time and can usually take a day off at a moment's notice. My sister needs help sometimes, being on her own and I completely understand that.

I asked my Mum if she could do some emergency last minute childcare for 1 day, and she said no, too busy at work. Absolutely fair enough, she's not an on-demand babysitter after all, and I just had to take a day off.

Found out last night that she'd been over to my sister's to help her with something that could have waited until the weekend, and then when I called her and asked why she'd lied to me I got told I was being very unfair.

I never expect my Mum to just be available to babysit, it's just that she told me no, and then ended up going over to help my sister anyway.

I sound like a whining child, don't I?

AIBU?

I don't think you are being that unreasonable. It's more the lying that's pissed you off, isn't it? I'd be pissed off too x

No YANBU, I'd be really upset too.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Fair enough for her not to help out, but lying is hurtful.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Fair enough for her not to help out, but lying is hurtful.

YANBU. She could have had your ds and then gone to your sister's, couldn't she? It's not like you're asking a lot, and it wasn't very fair of her to lie about it.

it seems to me that she looks after GDD much more than GDS, again kind of fair enough since my sister is on her own and needs the help.. it's not so much that I'm worried about, it's when I ask her for help she just fobs me off.

The very occasional times to do ask her to babysit (when we're at their house and DS is already asleep) she just doesn't take me seriously. It's like looking after DS is making life just that little bit too easy for me or something (but sister gets all the baby bottles sterilised and made up, baby looked after at night, etc etc etc)

yes, there is an element of sibling rivalry crap here, but it's more the one rule for her, another for me, and oh yes... I'm going to lie about it too.

You are right to be pissed off. Why don't you talk to your mum, face to face and calmly about all your feelings? Somewhere neutral where it can't become a scene... I know y mum would be mortified if she knew I was feeling like this (I also suffer from the sibling rivalry bullshit, but that's a whole other thread!)

When I read the title I thought YABU as grandparents should not be expected to babysit (they should do it IF they want to) BUT after reading your thread YANBU at all. I think you should have a chat to your mum abut how you feel and where you stand.

Thanks... I do need to talk to Mum about all this, it's just so bloody difficult, and I think I should wait until after Christmas. We were going there this year but changed plans because of all this bad feeling. Not great really

Thanks though, glad I'm not just being a mardy cow ;)

I would be upset as well.

She needs to understand that its not so much that you are hacked off that she wouldn't look after your ds - like you said on your op you didn't expect her to be able to drop everything for you and were able to take the day off yourself.

Its not even that you would have been pissed off if she had actually been honest with you and said 'sorry I have arranged to help your sister that day'

Its the fact that she lied about being busy at work to get out of helping you. I mean does she think you wouldn't find out? presuming you and your sister speak that is.

god... this is all making me so miserable... can't talk to her about it before Christmas, and she's not going to take it well.

argh!!

Maybe asking her why she felt the need to fib is the right way to go?

It is understandable that you would feel a bit hurt. YANBU