To think that I am right and you are all wrong?

[CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

My cleaner made a phone call during working hours so I'm sacking her.

I saw a woman shout at her child in the street so I called the Social Services.

There was a young mum who hadn't even bothered to put make-up on, so I pointed her out to friends and we all tut-tutted at her.

I got a Christmas card from neighbours and they spelt my name wrong so now they're not getting one back.

I hate all newbies, how dare they post on Mumsnet, they should study all the rules first and make an effort to suck up to the oldies.

And very dare you even THINK of disagreeing with me!

What - you mean she'll have to get a turkey from (I can hardly bear to say it) TESCO!!!!

It won't be organic or anything!

Gotta go, school just phoned, ds is now ill too!

She's a pale imitation. She has electric lights on her tree. ffs. What's wrong with candles.

Oh dear, poor boy. At least an excuse for a slatternly day for you.

you should just chill with a sausage roll and fruit shoot!
leave the kiddies to watch tv - in their bedroom, on their giant plasma tv!

I am eating bacon sarnie and snaffling chocs whilst kids stew in front of CBeebies!

Honestly though - our first night out together since we moved here and now I've got dh ill, dd ill and ds ill! I've just cancelled the babysitters and plan a night in mopping up spew, lovely!

Where's that Goddarn Phillipino nanny?

shagging your limo driver no doubt!

Cliff - she's probably taken your kids to McDonalds

So they've got food poisoning! Oh no! Now they will grow up to be obese - I must go to the hospital and get their stomachs pumped at once!

That slut of a nanny is fired!

Jeeves? Jeeves! Bring the car round immediately!