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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In considering not allowing DD2-4yrs to stay at grandmas over holidays

27 replies

pushchair · 19/12/2008 09:24

Mil's house very grubby,has medication left lying around,scissors and broken glass, that sort of thing. Oh and dry poo on the loo roll holder and wall behind it.
Thats the negative.
On the positive side-
I know she would love to go,would have her big sister with her-9yrs, I would drum hand washing and don't touch any tablets into her and grandparents don't get to see much of the LOs at the moment as cash strapped and petrol costs.
I am not comfortable with it but feel that the time will be right soon. It is difficult to find a diplomatic excuse too.

OP posts:
heather1980 · 19/12/2008 09:31

yanbu. i don't allow my dd to stay at my pil house either.
they have 2 massive dobermans and the house stinks of dog. everytime she comes back from there she is filthy and smelly and i have to was all her clothes and give her a bath.
i think it upsets my mil that she often stays at my parents house but my mum was a nanny until 3 years ago and is really good with kids whereas my mil last experience with kids is my dh and he's nearly 30!

heather1980 · 19/12/2008 09:32

wash!

LIZS · 19/12/2008 09:32

why would you let one go and not the other - it is either acceptably clean and safe or not.

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 09:38

Other one is 9 and relatively sensible. Not likely to eat tablets or try and cut fringe with scissors left lying round.

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/12/2008 09:40

I would n't even take that risk personally - 9 isn't old enough to assume all would be ok.

Anna8888 · 19/12/2008 09:41

pushchair - your MILs standards of hygiene and safetey are totally inappropriate for a 4 year old to navigate. Do not send her to stay.

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 09:46

Ok. I didn't need much persuding but any suggestions of diplomatic way of saying yes for 9yr old-who has stayed before, but No for 4yr old. Have already said I'm not sure she is old enough yet and it would be hard work for mil and fil.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 19/12/2008 09:49

My MOL wants DD (4) to go to spend the night with her.

DP just says that she isn't ready. MOL has no clue about DD and thinks she should be able to boss tell DD around what to do, according to MOL's desires.

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 09:56

MOL-is that mother out of law? LOL
If so that's what I have too.
Thanks

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 19/12/2008 09:57

Yup, Mother-Out-of-Law.

ilovetochatupsanta · 19/12/2008 10:05

sounds like my POLs house, filthy, smells of dog, covered in dog hair, no drawer fronts in kitchen so sharp knives half hanging out, bleach bottle on floor, tablets and coffee cups on floor.
no way dd will stay there, she is 16 months and i can't even let her run around.
MOL actually got her tablets out the other day and said to dd "you don't want to eat nanny sweeties do you". FFS.

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 11:34

makes you wonder how their children survived or do you think they have just forgotten what it's like?

OP posts:
ilovetochatupsanta · 19/12/2008 12:04

dp says it wasn't as dirty when he lived there but he moved out at 18 and has always been embarassed of the house.
it's like they can't see the dirt.

Yanda · 19/12/2008 12:22

Don't send either of them. Why would you consider sending your children into that? Just invite inlaws round, I'd rather pay some petrol for them than send my 2.4 year old there.

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 12:47

If they visit us it's for the afternoon whereas a visit for DD is for a few days-nice for her and gives me a break. TBH I trust my DD1-the 9yr old, to cope with them better than I trust them to cope with her and the state of their house. For her it is worth it because she enjoys that bit of independance but for DD2 it is not worth the risks is it?

OP posts:
whonickedmynickname · 19/12/2008 12:51

tell them you don't think your 4 year old is ready to spend overnight time away from you yet. My eldest was invited to SILs place - shes great but her partner is a twat and smokes like a train. I said he wasn't ready for that kind of trip yet.

I wouldn't send either of them personally - its the pill thing that scares me. althogh tbh isn't that what alot of elderly peoples houses are like? Hmmm......maybe they need a bit of help with some things?

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 12:54

Mol and fol both scatty but not in an alzheimers sort of way. They just don't see the need to bother- I think.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 19/12/2008 13:05

yuk..i wouldn't send either and i would also point out the shit behnd her toilet - sorry but she needs to know

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 13:07

Yes 'crapped' out of telling her last time.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 19/12/2008 13:14

I know it's difficult, but perhaps t would be better comingfrom DP...if he points out that they seem to have 'lapsed' in their hgiene and safety awareness she may make more of an effort ...?

whonickedmynickname · 19/12/2008 13:20

i agree dropdead - it has to come from DP that sort of thing - he could do it in a kind of "i'm concerned about you" way - if pushchair does it then it will probably sound critical - just because they're the Inlaws

Original poster
pushchair · 19/12/2008 13:21

DP sees some of their lttle ways as a problem but not all. He did not believe me about poo and I had cleaned it off then. However I have made warning sounds to MOL about younger DD not being old enough etc so have a get out ready.

OP posts:
ilovetochatupsanta · 19/12/2008 15:27

you know i wouldn't even send your eldest if i were you, our 8 yr old niece stops at the POls house and she does enjoy it but she sleeps in dirty conditions with the dog on her bed and drinks from dirty cups and it's not healthy for her.
i would just have them at your house more, that's what we do.

MillyR · 19/12/2008 15:37

Could you just tell MIL that you think 4 year old is too young to spend a night away from you? You don't have to say it is because of the house. Then send her when she is older and knows more about risks and how to avoid them.

babylovessanta · 19/12/2008 15:48

YANBU. There is no way I would let my 4 year old stay there.

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