to not clean or tidy DDs bedroom?

[TimorousWeeBeastie]

My DDs are 8 & 6. Their room is a pigsty, as they do not bother tidying up after themselves. I refuse to do it for them. They dont get pocket money if their room is messy.

AIBU not to do it for them? Its now at the point where they can no longer play up there or have friends over. Should I cave, and just clean up? or stand my ground?

I'd do one massive tdy and clean, during which I would confiscate almost all their toys and nicknacks. (Cos I'm mean).

Then I'd release a few toys/games/whatevers every few days if, and only if, they are keeping what they have neat (within reason!)

If at any time the room started to slip back, toys would be removed again.

Is that shocking??

I'm hard, me.

Id love to do that actually, but we are severely restricted for space, so i dont know where id store all the toys??

IME children do not tidy up because they have never been expected to.
When I was a child my mum was (and still is) very houseproud and so would tidy up immediately after me... so I never realised at a young age that tidying took effort, and couldn't understand why my mum didn't just do it.
My DD on the other hand has always been encouraged (expected to) help clear up since she could crawl. I mean just little things like helping me put toys back into box etc... and now she is 4, she knows that whatever you get out you put away.
She isn't perfect and sometimes says she doesn't want to, but I explain to her that if she gets it out and she puts away... or else she cannot do x, y, z (whatever she wants to do next).

YANBU to to not do it for them, buy YABU if they are not in the habit of doing it.

But they are in the habit, i make them tidy up all their toys downstairs. They then take them upstairs, and dump them on the room floor!

For years, i helped them with their room. But since i introduced pocket money reward for a clean room, its gone to pot.

I read that back and realised it makes me sound like some sort of a dictator... honestly I'm not.
It's just because I was so spoiled as a child, and found it such a shock when I moved out of home just how much goes into housework, that I wanted to let my DD see how her room gets to look so nice.

She may get to 6 or 8 and refuse point blank to tidy up... then I'll probably be in the same boat as you.

Then I would do what I threaten to DP (whatever you leave on the floor goes in the bin). God now I do sound like Hitler...

oh I don't know what my advice is really.

Make a day of sorting out their room with them, and then everyday before they go to bed get them to help put things away. They should get used to it evntually and soon do it for themselves when they see how much better their room looks.

they need to realise how much pocket money they are losing by not tidying their room. Maybe put the money they would have got for tidying their room into a jar in view (like the kitchen or something) where they can see it but not have it - they'll soon realise that they are losing stacks of cash if they see it piling up!

Ah yes my DD went through a stage of this, I'd give her toys to put away, but I wouldn't br able to get in her room cos she would literally just dump them on the floor.

After mummy was very cross at her(!) and left it so that she got frustrated when she couldn't find anything, I organised her room.

I showed her what toys mummy has put where, how nice it is now that everything has a place and she can never lose it again.... and that is working for me.

what are you going to do next week with all their new toys they get for xmas?

you need to be really strict about it, there should be consequences for not looking after their belongs.

would i be cruel to not give any presents for xmas? That would be a good consequence!

Yes that would be cruel... it us you ( and me- I am guilty of this) of buying too much stuff in the first place.
My DD's bedroom is absolutely tiny and we can keep on top of it at the moment, but I don't know what it will look like once christmas is here.
You just have to be ruthless and say if you want this, you have to get rid of that.
But def sort out room before christmas otherwise you will have an either harder job afterwards!

i'd take it all from them (pocketmoney) that is. if they dont tidy there rooms they get no pocket money simple as....

I already do that

your pretty cruel!!

would be a good consequence to keep all xmas gifts off them but i dont think they'd ever speak to you again.

I gut DD's bedroom twice a year. August and December. The rest of the time, I shut the door! She is 13 now, but I have had this rule for many years. They are well old enough, imho, to do it themselves and suffer the consequences if they don't.

DD does her bedroom with me and I always make her give something up for charity. (Whilst lecturing her on how damn lucky she is to have all she has and how ungrateful her pigsty makes her seem! )

They are 6 & 8?

TBH i think you are expecting a lot of them especially as I suspect their room has got so messy they would find it extremely difficult to organise any tidying up on their own?

In general (IMO) rewards work better than punishments and team work works better than being told to do something on your own.

So rather than saying "no pocket money" - which they obviously don't expect anyway if their room has been a mess for so long - how about saying "let's ALL tidy your room TOGETHER and then when we've done it we'll go swimming/to MacDonalds /to the pcitures/get a DVD out to watch."

And using this tactic once a month might keep things tidier.

They are young. You need to do it with them as at that age it is a bit to much to expect them to do it themselves.