To not stay at my mothers house over christmas because the bed is so damn hard..

[rodgershawk]

We stayed last week as we had an appointment nearby early the next morning. We did not sleep at all. I ended up on the sofa only to find my mother standing over me demanding why her spare bed was not good enough. Heard her later saying to my dad that I should have put up or shut up!
What can I say for not staying over at Christmas? dont want to offend but dont want to end up doubled over with bad back..

How old are you and do you actually have a history of back trouble? If you are under 40 and have a normal back, then I do think YABU. If you are older and/or have back trouble then no, it's not unreasonable to not want to sleep in her bed. Backs are remarkably resiliant; low level pain from a bad bed will only last a day or two at most, and can be easily ignored if you take some Ibuprofen. I've spent years doing that whenever I stay with my sister. TBH, I think having a family Christmas is probably worth it. But I am an acknowledged Christmas fan, I know it's not quite that big a deal to most folk.

PS - should have said, I do think your mother is being unreasonable to be offended by you moving to the sofa!

YABU, you were prepared to stay with her when it suited you for your appointment and now you don't want to stay for Christmas because of the bed she has for you?

YABVU, and very ungrateful!

I stayed in a fantastic b&b in Edinburgh recently, great price too and lovely owner. Was ruined by a too- hard bed though, so I couldn't stay there again. Yanbu, but this is family, so you should try and fix it. Can you take a mattress topper or a blow-up mattress?

I can so understand where you are coming from on this. I stayed with a friend last weekend, and everytime i forget how bloody uncomfortable the bed is. You look forward to a good, childless nights sleep then you wake up every hour to turn over cos your side has gone numb. Ho hum. Can you take a mattress topper with you or an air bed to put on top to make it more comfy? Its hell if you don't get enough sleep, specially at christmas, where your sleep will be limited anyway. I think it'd be wrong for you not to go, but i do understand.

Lol x posts with bitoffun

whats a childless nights sleep?

I do understand about how bad beds can ruin your day(s) - I feel the same about pillows and always have to take my shaped memory foam pillow when we go away.
I think you should be honest with your mum and look for a solution. Tell her how much you are looking forward to staying with her etc. but have recently been suffering with a bad back that is easily "upset" with the more firm style beds. Tell her you are taking a topper/extra duvet to lie on top/blow up bed and hope that she understands. Stress it is not a criticisim of her lovely bed, more that you want to enjoy your time fully and not be grumpy with a bad back. Surely she will be cool with that?

Lol sicksanta, its one of those very rare occasions, when you get an all night babysitter and get to out and get plastered with your mates. Then you spend the next day wishing you hadn't stayed up quite so late and feeling nauseous on the train home.

How can anybody say he OP is being unreasonable Who in their right mind wants to have a bad back.

This is one reason why I never go to other peoples houses .

OP, just tell your mum you're not going because the bed is too hard. At least you've been truthful. Xmas in your own home can't be beat.

People don't stay on their own spare beds, so they'd have no idea! I expect she was embarrassed it was so uncomfortable and covered it up with grumpiness.

Mattress topper/duvet unimprovable on as advice.

Do make it up with your mum and go there, since she's probably bought lots of Christmas groceries already. Good will to all men, and mad mums too!

Thanks,
Lemontart,dingdongmerrilyonpie, prettybutterly.
mm22bys - we stayed, even though they are only an hour away as the monday morning rush hour from ours would have taken more like three.. we didnt realise how bad the bed was otherwise we would have got up at 4am to drive from ours to the appointment.
The appointment was an immigration medical test (the end of 3 long years of waiting to hear if we have been successful to emigrate) and walking in bent double is not very good..
I have had problems in the past with bad back after having "a good kick in" at work.. (Im a police officer and one night someone who was on the run for a serious sexual offence decided that when I stopped him he thought his best bet was to beat me and run.. hey ho, its comes with the job..)
Anyway, we still have not said we are not coming, although we will go early Christmas morning so as to have a full day.
My main concern is that it is my sons first Christmas, and now, (hopefully) our last in this country (if doc has not written us up with bad backs!!)
Ding dong you are right, Im just going to come out with it..

I've had that medical too!!!!!!! We are off to Canada in 2009, yay

dingdong, thats great. when are you off? when did you have the medical? where are you going?

Next Summer, can't wait. Hopefully Vancouver. Now it's so close though I've changed my mind and would rather go to New Zealand!!!!!!!!!!

No way! Canada is a very good choice.Its also so central. Have you got the date through then? How long ago did you do the medical? we did ours on the 5th December and are not sure how long we will have to wait..

Can't you stay for one night and fill yourself full of wine...??

rodgers, you can swap with me if you like. the bed at my mum's is unbelievably soft - i get a bad back too! wouldn't stop me going as we always have a fab time but tbh i would kill for a nice hard bed

no yanbu

BreevandercampLGJ - spoke to them today and we are going there Christmas morning and staying Christmas night.
The hope is once baby is in bed at 7 (he is good and usually sleeps through to 7) then I can crack open the fizz and then be able to post what a lovely bed it was!!
asics - shall we swap? would be interesting!! Christmas in West London is not so much though..

I ahve a similar issue with the bed I'm sleeping on over Xmas, problem is it used to be mine!!!1 Guess I've just got used to a softer one and didn't even notice.