to think my sil should not be buying my alchoholic partner a bottle of baileys for christmas?

[Idrankthechristmasspirits]

He has had a problem for a long time, he is now starting to get it sorted and has been very good lately.
For example, he had a work do on MOnday at a pub and didn't drink, he has a meal with clients on Friday night and is driving so he won't drink.
Two months ago he would have been slaughtered at both, probably got lost on the way home and i would have ended up with a lot of verbal abuse to boot.

He is doing so well and although he is still drinking it is far far less than it was. He knows he needs proffesional help and is waiting for this to happen. (waiting list etc)

Christmas is always going to be hard for an alchoholic, everyone will want a glass of something and the temptation is everywhere.

His sil has been told by me a few times that he is an alchoholic, she has told me i need to make more of an effort, that if i did he would be happier and behave better. Apparently i am overweight and difficult. (i am a size 10-12 and always have been, if i am tetchy it is because he has been pissed and abusive).

Their father is an alchoholic as is their brother.

Anyway, sil called to tell me she has bought him a bottle of baileys for christmas.

me; "um, he's an alchoholic, can you not change it for a book or something"
her; "oh yeah? Well that's nice, i tell you what i'll get him a bottle of coke and treat himm like a child shall i?"
me; "click burrrrr........"

Hi Holy, thank you.

I do think there is some element of jealousy there. Her son is in constant trouble at school because he is very aggressive and generally difficult. She can be really PFB with him but the school are now asking her to give him discipline rather than excuses.
On the other hand my dd is really well behaved and works with the year above for literacy and maths so i think that is a bit of a pain for her.

I think the best thing to do is to avoid her as much as possible, i feel for her because i know she has a hard time with her son etc but then again, we have been through hell as a family and I don't have the time for anyone elses problems as well.

YANBU she is a right cow. Some people I would buy her a jump out of plane extreme gift But they are expensive so maybe find her some granny sleepers

What a horrible woman. If she's overweight, I'd be tempted to buy her a humongous box of chocolates for her xmas present, but that's just being as bad as she is.

It really is an unpleasant thing to do.

I believe it is cheaper if there is no parachute included.

he he can I get one of those for my SIL

i say get her a huge lardy cake and a "consolidate your debts" application for her christmas present.

two can play at the game of "press your buttons with your christmas present"

If she doesn't like it, suggest she and your DH swap presents!

Do get in touch later if you need some moral support. I know what you mean about Al Anon - the group I started going to seemed more interested in the rules and regulations rather than helping anyone. I have recommended this before but I found the very best help was Toby Rice Drews series of books - Getting Them Sober, available on Amazon and there is a website. Have a look at it. This might help over what could be a difficult time. Christmas/New Year are never easy as it can never quite be the same for someone who doesn't drink at all.

Hi IdranktheChristmasspirits,

I won't add to the sister bashing too much, but what shocking behaviour on her part.

I just wanted to say well done to you for rejecting her unkind attempts to somehow attribute blame to you. A horrible thing to do. Sounds like she is jealous of you, and particularly of you having him. If so, she knows not what she covets - life with an alcoholic can be no life at all for some. You've not gone in to too much detail but from having an alcoholic mum myself, and an "enabling" dad, I can possibly relate to some of the hurt and frustration at the two sides of the person you get.
I'm so glad your husband is trying to break this horrible family tradition/gene.

Perhaps he would benefit from an AA meeting or two around the Christmas period, whilst he is waiting for the doctor to get back...