to wonder why it is men who always help out women with babies rather than other women?

[HolidaysQueen]

I know we whinge about men being crap, but I've recently noticed that they are far more helpful than women when I am out and about. Pretty much every time when with my baby, I have had the door held open for me, someone helps me with buggy up steps, someone rushes to my aid when I fall over with baby in carrier like I did today (we're okay!) etc. and it is always men. Old men, young men and even a surprisingly large number of teenage boys with hoodies and bum fluff (their mums should be really proud ).

I get help pretty much every time I am out, particularly on the tube, and only once in the past 8 months has a woman actually helped out, carrying my buggy up the escalator while I carried my baby. When I fell today, two men rushed over to check we were okay while 3 women just stood there watching. On the tube the other day I was passed on the stairs by 5 or 6 women, but the first man past helped me out.

I used to help out whenever I saw a lady with a baby, but now I'm wondering if I was one of very few women who did this. I don't expect help - I know people are busy or don't notice - but I'm just amazed that it is always men that I do get help from.

AIBU to wonder why women are so much more unhelpful than men and be a bit surprised by it?

Yes I agree with op actually. I had the sweetest guy help me through a door yesterday whilst out shopping. He was no older than 20. I smiled and said thanks and he gave me the biggest grin and said 'you're welcome.'

Very rarely get helped by women unless they've got a pushchair themselves.

I asked a young woman if she wanted a hand to get her pushchair and baby on the train last week. She looked up and said tartly, 'Yes please, as it seems MY HUSBAND HAS JUST LEFT ME TO IT!'

Embarrassed young bloke hastily shuffled back down the carriage to the door apologising profusely...

I always help women on buses, tubes etc but if i am out with dp then he will do it instead, but the majority of the time im alone

OTOH know what you mean about women stopping to let you cross etc

Ha ha ha Lancelottie!

I haven't found out what happens yet when you go out with a baby, but I find that only women have offered seats on the tube or train to me (now obviously pregnant). Seemingly, men (on the line I get to work) will do anything other than notice pregnant or old people looking stressed and squashed standing up.

There are different degrees of "help" though aren't there? I always hold a shop door open fully and wait until a person with a pram has passed through, rather than holding it and then walking off IYSWIM like I do with able bodied unburdened people. But I probably don't always help with prams on stairs. But being out in the sticks that is not often an issue.

I live in London and trust me - hardly anyone ever asks if you need help. Tourists with maps are quite good (they are really looking for directions though) and there was a scary lady with purple hair who grabbed the front wheels as I was bouncing down the stairs (quite expertly I though) and dragged my along, wobbling the pram alarmingly (I thought baby would tip out) as I am bleating 'no, really, I can manage...'.

I do offer to hold doors open, hold onto other children or bags etc. Have also grabbed a child as he dived nto the road as his mum charges after his bike which he'd thrown in the opposite direction.

One thing that infuriates me is when there is only enough room for two people to squeeze through a door so basically not enough room for two + buggy and I stand there with the buggy while a whole stream of people come from the opposite direction. And actually it is usually women I find - generally young ones who obviously don't have kids.

When I say helping I mean up and down stairs on the tube and I honestly have only had to do it once or twice on my own - I too find teenagers with hoodies are very helpful indeed

Def had the opposite experience when pg. Always women who gave up their seat.

Rarely needed help with dd in buggy as it wasnt difficult to carry a P&T up adn down steps if needed once I had the knack but think offers of help were pretty much equal tbh. Def got more understanding from women tho.

In my first pregnancy I found that I got offered more seats by middle aged women than anyone else. This time round in the mornings I get on the trains which start from my station or which have a few seats as at over 7 months I can shame most people out of snatching seats off me (though not all, and some pretty mean ones are other women). But in the evening on tube or bus I've had to stand for substantial parts of lots of journeys quite recently. The Victoria line is made worse on nights when Arsenal or Spurs are at home - one night the tube was suspended and I had to stand on a bus until we were nearly at the Arsenal ground area, and then I was right at the back of the bus.

Georgiemum, really? I lived in London, and found people very helpful more often than not - but then avoided travelling at 'peak' times as much as possible.

I also found that men were more helpful than women, generally. However, I put it all down to shoes. When I am carting my DS about in the pusher I always wear sensible shoes. If I am out and about on my own I might not necessarily have the most sensible shoes on, and wouldn't feel overly confident in helping a woman with a pram/pusher down a steep flight of stairs!

at that daft DH on the train, Lancelottie!

Although it is men who help now, it was always women who offered me a seat when I was pregnant.

Anyone want to start a thread on how misunderstood teenage boys with hoodies are? All the ones I have come across are so sweet and helpful and polite. I really hope my DS is like that, though maybe without the baggy jeans and daft trainers

Men (young and old) have definitely offered me more help with carrying double buggy up and down steps at tube stations etc. When i was pregnant, I found men and women equally kind in offering seats. And yes, teenage hoodies are often the sweetest - one once argued with the bus driver to let me on! And it worked!

Agree on the teenage boy thing - was on a bus recently and a gaggle of them all politely moved to make sure I could put the buggy in safely, one helped me off at the bus stop, and another, who had got off at the same tube as me helped me down the tube stairs. Even though he was going to another platform. Bless.