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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stick to my routine on xmas day? (bit long)

28 replies

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 13:35

Im prob gonna get flamed alive for this but here goes.........

My dd is 6 months old. I had pnd seem to beover it now, tried to be a relaxed mum, no routine blah blah got myself it a right mess.

Dont quite know how it happened but got myself in quite a rigid routine, my dd loves her sleep and has 3 naps a day and bedtime is at 7. It works for us and she sleeps well (fingers crossed)

We are spending xmas day with my family, my mum, step dad, bro and his daughter (she is 15) at my house at 10am for breakfast, they will leave at 12 so dd can have a nap then meet at mums (only live 10 mins away) at half 2, xmas dinner at 3 then we will come home at 7 to put dd to bed. Me and dp have an evening to ourselves.

I wish I could be a little more relaxed about timings and while no-one is complaning I am aware we are running xmas day around my pfb.

Im scared to let dd miss her nap as she will be grumpy. I know mum wants me to stay later on xmas day but Im nrvous about the whole putting her to bed at mums then lifting her into car and getting her home in case we cant settle her. We have an early start boxing day to go to the in-laws 2 hour drive away.

I feel a bit of pressure (self inflicted)as my other bro wont be home for xmas so will be leaving just mum step dad bro and his daughter at mums in the evening. I would usualy stay late and have a few drinks, play games etc.

Does anyone else stick to their routine on xmas day?

OP posts:

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 13:36

Woops this is my name for another thread, but will have to keep it now!

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 16/12/2008 13:38

Why not invite everyone to walk back round to yours for drinks on the evening. Tell them that you are worried about a grumpy baby or being up all night. I'm sure everyone will understand.

Do try to relax and enjoy your first Christmas with your little one.

notnowbernard · 16/12/2008 13:38

I think you can do what you want when you've got a 6m old

santasinmywaistband · 16/12/2008 13:40

I understand you wanting to stick to your routine, it was all that kept me sane in the first few months after having my 2.

I have no routine on Xmas day and am doing lots of moving around. ( I am hoping my 2 will have a nap when we travel from IL's to my parents at about 5.30- they don't normally nap anymore, but will mean they can stay up later without being grumpy)

If you feel happy with the situation that is fine , but one day out of routine will not hurt her.

NotDoingTheHousework · 16/12/2008 13:41

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Message withdrawn

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 13:41

Thanks.

I did think about asking everyone back here but my dp not to keen! We are sort of open plan and my family can get a bit noisy so hes a bit worried we will all wake her up

Told you she was pfb!!

I do so want to enjoy our first xmas just feel gulity I cant be a bit more laid back about the whole thing

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Merrylegs · 16/12/2008 13:41

If they only live ten minutes away can't they come back to your house for an evening of game playing, bit of festive tea, etc (perhaps giving you time to settle baby first?)

misshardbroom · 16/12/2008 13:41

Well, I'm always deeply in awe of anyone who actually every had a routine, because I never managed to do it!

Reading between the lines of your post, I wonder whether you're less worried about your dd's routine, and more worried about what might happen... would it look like you can't cope? would it make you feel panicky and as though you can't cope?

None of us really follow our normal routines on Christmas Day. Why should a baby be greatly different? She'll inevitably need somewhere to sleep, so make sure you've got a pram / travel cot or something to hand, and put her down if she looks like she needs it. But if she has 2 sleeps instead of 3 - is that going to be the end of the world?

And I suggest you say to your mum that you're going to play it by ear regarding when you go home. Say that you'll probably need to leave in time for dd's bedtime, but if she's not too shattered you might stay a bit.

Babies really don't get themselves out of a routine in the space of one or two days (presumably she'll sleep on the 2 hour drive on Boxing Day... so that's not her normal routine either, is it?) so don't let worrying about this spoil your first Christmas with your baby girl (because believe me, in a very short space of time they're all hairclips and attitude and High School Musical )

WalkinginWaynettaWonderland · 16/12/2008 13:42

Is there any reason why you couldn't put DD to sleep at your mums (in a travel cot perhaps), and then when it's time to go home you could lift her (sleeping) into the buggy / car seat to get her home.

I fully understand routines (my 3 DSs were all routine babies) and I know you can sometimes feel that if you slip from the routine once you will somehow 'break' them, but it doesn't actually happen! Perhaps you could do a dry-run over the weekend and go to your mums, put DD down to sleep there and then bring her home at 10 and see how that affects her?

Having said that, you need to do whatever keeps you feeling strongest, and if that means sticking to your routine then so be it.

I would strongly advise giving my proposal a go though, although it doesn't necessarily have to be for Christmas day - could next month if you want. You'll find it opens up loads of possibilities.

Good luck.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 16/12/2008 13:43

The first Xmas we pretty much worked around DDs routine as it is more fun for everyone if the baby is happy.

Could you decamp to your house after the meal so that you can put her to bed when she wants to go.

Alternatively, put her down for her sleep at your mums. Chances are she will be so overstimulated that she will sleep fine.

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 16/12/2008 13:43

for one day it won't matter

babies are much more adaptable than you think and i really wouldn't worry about it too much

easier said than done i know

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 16/12/2008 13:45

We have had parties and the DC have slept through them.

Or do you just want the peace and quiet in the evening? If so just do what you want and go home.

NotDoingTheHousework · 16/12/2008 13:45

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expatinscotland · 16/12/2008 13:47

i know where you are coming from!

i suffer from PND and like you, i need my routines or i get very, very anxious.

so YANBU.

if you want to loosen up on it for one day, however, can you get your GP to prescribe you a light tranq?

i have to use them every now and again as i also get panic attacks pretty badly.

when you have PND, it's hard for others sometiems to understand why you can't 'just loosen up'.

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 13:52

expat- I do have some diazepam still from when i was geting very anxious my dp did suggest I have one on xmas day as it may help me relax a bit. Dont think it would be advisable though with the red wine!!!

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sazzerbear · 16/12/2008 13:53

You have done well to get your dd into a routine, messing it up for one day is not worth it..she's not old enough to know what's going on yet so do what YOU want, don't go mad trying to please everyone else!

MegBusset · 16/12/2008 13:59

Your day sounds fine to me, but seeing as your mum lives so close, if you want to see them longer in the evening could you go back after DD is in bed at night, leaving DP at home?

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 13:59

Thanks everyone for the words of wisdom.

I take on board its the faffing about that may well be more irritating than just saying wee off home at 7 and thats that!

Im gonna stick to what I have planned for the day, breakfast at mine, dd has nap then we go to mums.

Just the evening to figure out now.......

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Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 14:08

Mme, I realy would love to be able to have a friend or two round one evening. Our stairs are in the lounge so all open plan to upstairs and I feel worried that she would be woken up. I know it all stems back to the first few weeks with her when she just literally screamed all night every night (bf probs, poor thing) and I still get anxious at nightimes, Im getting much better now though.

I know I need to loosen up a bit but maybe xmas day, with all its added pressures is not the best day to start!

NDTH, I take on board that you are frustrated about your boxing day plans and will give my mum a definate plan to avoid the faffing about irritation factor!

I suppose I feel (selfishly) bit sad that we cant have our traditional xmas evening. Dp I think would prefer to come home and it just be the two of us so I have to factor that in as well.......

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ummadam · 16/12/2008 14:09

For eid in October DS was 8months and we were in a fairly flexible routine - exact times varied but we had a clear pattern of eat, play, sleep, mummy collapse and drink tea then repeat. We had a lovely day at my PILs but did end up going home for a few hours in the middle of the day for him to sleep in his own bed (luckily only 20min drive) as he wouldn't settle there at all.

The second eid of the year was last week and he is now 11months. We decided in advance that we would have a few quiet hours at home in the afternoon for him to sleep and this took the pressure off lots - we all enjoyed the day more for it and he was able to stay up late, dig into a family dinner and open all his presents!

Do what works for you but be prepared to be a bit flexible. You might find all is well and you don't feel like sticking to your plan... or the excitement may be a bit much and you need to go home a bit early. Whatever happens don't let it stress you out- it is only one day and there are hopefully many more christmases to enjoy later.

pamelat · 16/12/2008 14:24

I think I am a bit like you. I have never been diagnosed with PND but am a fairly anxious person in general.

My DD is 11 months.

Until DD was 5 months old we had no routine at all, and I felt very anxious and out of control. I really didnt feel that I could continue like that.

From 6 - 9 months she had a very structured day and was much happier for it. GF style.

Its only recently that I have really tried to be more relaxed about it again and more often than not, I can't. Today it has back fired for example because we got stuck in the super market and then in traffic, she has got over tired and groucy and just fallen to sleep at 2pm! (We are meant to be meeting people at 3pm, it makes me feel very anxious and crap as a parent).

Christmas I am prepared for her to miss her morning nap and we are going to the inlaws at 9am until 1130am.

I am then going to feed her en route to my parents (45 mins) drive and put her to bed as soon as we get there (hopefully for 2 hours).

Waking at 230pm ish she will be able to join in with our day there and we are all staying over so that she can be asleep by 630pm.

I think its important to have sleep options at a parents (for your children if not yourself).

I think its normal to not want your child out past their bed time. I would not be happy with loading my DD back in to the car asleep. I tried this once on holiday and she screamed until 4am, literally.

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 15:33

Pamelat, thats what im afraid of, dd waking up and me not being able to settle her. Think Ill just be firm and stick with my plan of leaving at about quater to seven, come home dd to bed then me and dp can watch a film, put on pjs and have cheese and crakers. Put like that it sounds quite nice!

Thanks all for advice, i heart mumsnet!

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mrsgboring · 16/12/2008 15:40

At six months postnatal you need to pace yourself to get through Xmas anyway, I'd say. You and your DP won't be fit for much by late evening anyway.

It doesn't sound like your routine is going to be that disruptive to your family anyway.

minxpinx · 16/12/2008 15:47

When we go for dinner at friends I put DD to bed in her push chair and then wheel her home asleep when we are ready to go. It works very well -she has quite a rigid routine too. She sometimes stirs when we put her into bed, but never a problem. As you live so close could you do something like that?

Original poster

notnewbutshy · 16/12/2008 15:59

Thanks mrsb, I feel bit better about coming home now, want to enjoy our first xmas without too much pressure (im aware its all my own doing)!

Minx, I would love to be able to go out in the evening as atrial run to a friends house. Do you just put dd to bed in another room in her pram? I just know dd wouldnt settle in the same room as us?

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