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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to my work christmas meal tomorrow even though I have said I will go and paid a deposit.

21 replies

willibelucky · 15/12/2008 19:20

Work christmas meal tomorrow at a posh restaurant costs £25 per head not including drinks. One person in the office, who is relatively well off, arranged venue etc I would have preferred somewhere a bit cheaper (ie pizza hut!). Checked my bank account today and I am officially skint. Don't get paid til the end of the month and am wondering how I will afford to pay train fares to work, weekly shop and ds childcare. Normally I manage OK (dont have a rock n roll lifestyle, live quite frugally...) but with it being christmas, enough said.

Wondering if I can save myself £20 (have paid £5 deposit, which I will lose) by just not going tomorrow? This is £20 towards childminers bill, train fare etc. Is it socially unacceptable to say I will go and then change my mind? If it was a friend I'd just tell the truth, say I'm skint etc but with work colleagues a bit different. Bit worried my boss will offer to pay if I say I'm not going because can't afford it, potentially very embarrassing... and I would definitely not want to take him up on his offer either!

OP posts:

Seabright · 15/12/2008 19:23

You may find the restaurant will charge anyway, especially if it's a set (ie Christmas) meal.

You could have a sickie I surpose, I can't think of another way you could get out of it without explaining your financial situation.

To be honest, I'd go. But that's just me.

KatieDD · 15/12/2008 19:24

Well if you haven't go it you can't go end of really.
I would tell your boss and let him pay if he offers, hardly going to break his bank is it ?

thenewme · 15/12/2008 19:24

But would she enjoy it knowing she can't really afford it?

Say something private has come up and you can't go.

MerryMadMarg · 15/12/2008 19:25

If you are really skint, then make some excuse and don't go (childcare falling through should be a good one).

But are you sure you are not going because you just don't want to?

JacksFirstChristmasMama · 15/12/2008 19:25

I'd tell your boss the truth. Lots of people are in this situation, don't be embarrassed. And if he offers to pay and you feel you can't accept, tell him that too. Truth is usually best.

Waswondering · 15/12/2008 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuthaHoHoHubbard · 15/12/2008 19:27

I would say you need to tell someone you aren't going rather than just not turn up so that they restaurant don't prepare you're food - if it's not cancelled they may well ask the full amount to be paid.

Eilatan · 15/12/2008 19:28

Your boiler broke, no heating, you had to wait in for the boiler man. Your partner's car broke down just before this occurence and was stuck on the M25...

Hateful affairs anyway, all about self promotion and oneupmanship.

I couldn't go to mine because I'm a strict vegan fruitarian and T total...

Now I'm off to the fridge to get another can of stella!

Merry Xmas!

redhotredhead · 15/12/2008 19:31

Christ no, YANBU at all! Life is too short to feel you HAVE to go to work do's that you really can't afford and don't sound all that bothered about missing. The bill will be much bigger than £25 by the time all the drinks are added on. I agree with the others - make an excuse, stay at home, save the cash and put your feet up in front of the telly!

Original poster

willibelucky · 15/12/2008 19:35

Yes, I'm not planning on drinking either. Hate drinking at lunchtime, makes me feel knackered and plus its expensive. Everyone else will be getting sozzled and running up an expensive bill I suspect.

OP posts:

queribus · 15/12/2008 19:42

I'd be up front with your boss and say that you can't afford it. Perhaps next year he'll take more notice and make sure that the xmas lunch is somewhere cheaper. This happened at my workplace last year, and several people said they weren't going at the booking stage. There was a huge row, but the person who booked it went ahead anyway. In the end, the directors paid a ste amount per head for all non-management staff. It worked out in the end, but left a bit of a cloud over the whole affair.

Save your money. £25 is a lot of money for lunch, and, let's face it, these work do-thingies are usually ghastly, anyway.

Good luck!

nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 15/12/2008 19:43

ring in sick tomorrow - watch dvd's, indulge yourself and dont go.....

hotbot · 15/12/2008 19:52

go to work but say child is ill so you cant come out ........

jumpyjan · 15/12/2008 20:04

I opted out of mine after paying a deposit due to childcare arrangements. I didn't feel too bad about it tbh.

I don't think YABU at all - agree it would be good if you could be honest with your boss about not being able to afford it but totally understand if this makes you feel uncomfortable.

The fact that you paid a deposit shows you were originally up for going so its not like you are snubbing them or anything.

YaddaYaddaYadda · 15/12/2008 20:52

YANBU

Thanks for all the good excuses ladies, I've got my work xmas meal tomorrow and I don't want to go. It's not the money, I just don't like my colleagues and I don't want to have lunch with them (especially my boss who I hate)! I'm just a miserable old grump with no xmas spirit....

andyrobo237 · 15/12/2008 21:10

Any excuse about childcare or broken heating (as long as you have kids or a boiler that isnt brand new put in last week!!!). They cannot force you to go on a works do - out of 23 of us there are about 5 who are not going, but they never go. Is it a big do, or a small one, if it is evening, then you can come up with better excuse than a lunchtime one, as you would be in work and then not going out with them. Throwing a sickie is not the best option though!

I always use the childcare one - they cant say anything about that! If you say you are skint, then you would suffer the enbarrassment of your boss paying for you - but would it be a loan, and how would you pay for drinkes, etc, as that can soon add up in a group!

Update us as to what you chose to do!!

Original poster

willibelucky · 15/12/2008 22:00

unfortunately it is a lunchtime meal which means difficult to make excuses, as I would be at work anyway, although this way I get to pay the privilege of shelling out £25 for a meal rather than doing what I usually do for lunch and bring in a homemade sandwich...

Its very clique where I work and I know it would be held against me if I didn't go, regardless of reason. There was a works meal out last week which I didn't go to, partly because I couldnt afford it and partly because I didnt want to as I spend enough time with these people (some of whom are OK) at work.

At the moment swaying towards going and taking £20 out using my credit card. Feel depressed just thinking about it.

OP posts:

MERLYPUSSEDASAFART · 15/12/2008 22:31

Just dont go. I hate these affairs. All that sucking up. Vastly overpriced, normally vile, christmas dinner. Bleugh. Either say you dont want to go coz you hate everyone or feign a toothache.

Uriel · 15/12/2008 22:43

Go home ill, mid-morning. Crippling migraine, feeling sick etc.

Notbig · 15/12/2008 23:58

Dont go. I didnt go to mine. Decided id rather spend my money and time going out with my real friends than work ones. More excuses :- What about needing to go home for delivery. Need to get xmas shopping done and only chance you'll get. You need to meet friend who has recently been dumped, distressed, depressed. Need to pick someone up from airport?

dizzyjingles · 16/12/2008 00:01

am not going to mine either for all the same reasons

pull a sickie/family crisis/broken down car etc

its not worth putting yourself out for

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