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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School runs and child safety. I'm NOT being unreasonable, I'm NOT I'm NOT!

39 replies

kitbit · 15/12/2008 15:08

grrr

We share the school run with ds's friend, same age, who lives around the corner. They are lovely, the little boy and his mum and dad.
Last week I was on "collection", and picked the boys up as usual. When I got to A's house there was a car outside and an older couple got out. They said A's mum had been delayed so had rung them to ask them to meet me, they were his aunt and uncle. A did seem to know them, was very happy to go with them etc, but I asked them to wait while I phoned A's mum.
I asked if it was OK to hand A over and she was quite taken aback and obviously surprised I was calling, so I explained she'd given me charge of the safety of her 4 year old son, I wanted to double check that it was OK to give him to 2 people I'd never seen in my life.

She confirmed and was fine, but as A was getting ready to get into their car the woman was really grumpy with me, shaking her head and tutting, and eventually said she thought it was appalling that I was challenging a family member, a respected older family member at that, and that she wasn't impressed.

I've been stewing on it in a PMT kind of way all weekend (note to self: Get Life), was I being over cautious? I wasn't was I? A knew them but maybe they weren't allowed to see him or something? I didn't bloody know. Would you have wanted me to phone you and check if you were A's mum?

OP posts:

PenelopePitstops · 15/12/2008 15:10

you absolutely did the right thing

squeaver · 15/12/2008 15:10

No you're not.

But why didn't your friend call you to let you know what was happening? That would have been the most obvious thing to do.

crokky · 15/12/2008 15:11

You did the right thing. What a stupid woman being grumpy about you trying to protect her nephew.

3littlefrogs · 15/12/2008 15:11

You did exactly the right thing IMO. You were put in a very difficult situation.

Most reasonable people would be glad that you were checking up and taking your responsibility for the safety of their children seriously.

Original poster

kitbit · 15/12/2008 15:12

We are in quite a rural area, things are a bit more easy going here I think, and they already regard me as a bit of a loon because I insist on a proper carseat for ds and won't drive using my mobile! Oh, and I don't feed him donuts and chupachups for breakfast

OP posts:

sitdownpleasegeorge · 15/12/2008 15:12

I would have applauded you for your safety check and would have been very pleased to have received your phonecall if they were my children.

You didn't know these people and you were just being careful.

Go to the top of the class for being alert and following standard childcare safety guidlines.

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 15/12/2008 15:13

you did the right thing, she was a twonk.

Original poster

kitbit · 15/12/2008 15:13

meant to say, I think that's why she didn't phone ahead and tell me

OP posts:

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 15:13

You did absolutely the right thing.

You had no way of knowing all the family's circumstances. Supposing A's parents were estranged from his aunt and uncle and they had turned up to meet him out of the blue. She would have been livid if you had let him go off with them.

I presume the aunt either does not have children, or her children are much older and she has forgotten all the things schools and pre-schools do to make sure 4 year olds go home with the right people.

In your place I would have done the same. Over cautious - maybe, but with someone else's child you bet I am cautious.

mrsgboring · 15/12/2008 15:13

I think you have to do it. It's expected these days, even if it may seem a bit OTT to the more relaxed older generation.

Original poster

kitbit · 15/12/2008 15:13

oh dammit, just realised am late for today's school run PANTs sorry to post and run
but feeling better already thank you!

OP posts:

WhereTheWiseMenWent · 15/12/2008 15:13

You did the right thing, it's what I would have wanted you to do if it was my child,, and I agree VU of friend not to have let you know in advance.

wickedwitch81 · 15/12/2008 15:15

I would have wanted you to ring me, you weren't to know of any family feuds etc... Could the other mum have not rung you to tell you about the change ???

So IMO you are NBU

thegreatescape · 15/12/2008 15:16

the consequences of you being too polite to question these people could have been horrendous. Well done you, your friend should have warned you though. If the woman was older, she is probably just a different generation where things a bit more laid back.

loobeylou · 15/12/2008 15:18

You are absolutely NOT BU and they should thank their lucky stars they have someone as vigilant as you bringing DC home for them.

MerryMadMarg · 15/12/2008 15:22

Can I have you as a friend ?

YANBU - you are a sensible and wonderful friend. The Aunt is loopy! How the heck would you know if she was a 'respected' family member? She could have been the outcast from the family for all you knew!

loobeylou · 15/12/2008 15:24

people react badly in these situations because they can't think past you suspecting THEM of something dreadful. When they SHOULD be realising you would be careful with ANYONE who tried to get the DC to go with them, and should be glad.

bogwobbit · 15/12/2008 15:25

Of course you did the right thing. Don't fret about it.

Brangelina · 15/12/2008 15:27

Don't you live abroad? People outside the UK are a bit more relaxed about such things, although where I am you sign innumerable pieces of paper to get the school to release your child to someone else. I know if I did the same with an Italian they'd think I was nuts too.

Sektslurper · 15/12/2008 15:27

Stop sharing the school run. If she thinks it's ok for you to leave her child with someone you don't know, what is she prepared do with yours!!!!

Flibbertyjibbet · 15/12/2008 15:38

You so did the right thing.
The mother should have rung YOU to tell you that these people were coming, and maybe some details like their type of car or something.

spicemonster · 15/12/2008 15:42

I'd be very happy if you did that but can also understand the reaction of the old lady. Older people can have rather funny ideas sometimes ...

Hulababy · 15/12/2008 15:50

You did the right thing.

DaidiNaNollag · 15/12/2008 16:01

You absolutely did the right thing. The grumply woman sounds like my MIL, that would be exactly how she would react, wuth a face like a lemon!

thenewme · 15/12/2008 16:04

I would have phoned to tell you myself anyway, but you absolutely did the right thing.

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