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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had a go at 2 old bats in the supermarket?

52 replies

sb6699 · 15/12/2008 14:19

Just back from supermarket with dd's 1&2 (age 4 and 2).

While I was standing looking at a shelf dd2 was running round my legs singing. These two old bats walk by with their faces contorted saying in a loud voice "that is so awful" - wtf.

Rather than ignoring them I turned round and said "is the noise from a 2 year old child singing really that awful". Their reply was at 2 years old I should be telling her to be quiet and that the supermarket is not a playground!. My response to that was basically to tell her if that was her opinion she should think of staying at home with doors and windows locked and cotton wool in her ears etc, etc.

Fair enough she was getting rather loud and I was about to ask her to pipe down but is it really that bad to hear a child trying to sing?

I am so

So was IBU?

OP posts:
poshwellies · 15/12/2008 14:43

[snorts] at soh-you should see them at the 'reduced price' section in the supermarkets..like packs of wolves they are

CarminaBanana · 15/12/2008 14:43

I would have ignored them.
I tend not to get into unnecessary confrontations in front of my children.

Original poster
sb6699 · 15/12/2008 14:51

Thank you MAP - and no there was no swearing/shouting etc.

CB - I understand about confrontations in front of the children and totally agree - but both DD's obviously heard her being nasty and they need to be aware that as their mother I will not allow another adult to be nasty to them especially in a situ where it's totally unnecessary. Like I said before, if dd was being destructive I would have probably hung my head in shame and skulked off.

OP posts:
CarminaBanana · 15/12/2008 14:54

I didn't realise the children were aware of her comments.
In that case, fair play to you, sb.

StephanieByng · 15/12/2008 14:55

I agree that sometimes you DO need to set the example of speaking up. It's not good for our kids to see us always avoid confrontation. We need to teach them how to stand up for themselves. Speaking back assertively is different to 'getting into conrontation' IMO.

I have had to reach for my pills and fan myself down though at the thought of your two year old "running round my legs" in a supermarket.....Am I the only cruel parent who ALWAYS had ds at this age, restrained in the trolley? Simply the thought of him wreaking havoc gaily running round.......

pinkmagic1 · 15/12/2008 14:58

In general I find females over retirement age the rudest most obnoxious people out. Of course I am not saying all old ladies are horrible but if I had to specify the catagory of person I find the rudest I would have to say them. Like devout sceptic said they seem experts at the passive aggressive remark.

Yanda · 15/12/2008 15:05

I had something similar, I was walking around Sainsburys with DD 2.5 who was being very well behaved as she usally is at the supermarket - she just loves shopping. We always go between 8 and 9am so its quiet and DD always holds my hand except if I ask her to pick something up for me. We were just walking down a very quiet aisle when an older woman pushes her trolley right into DD. Now I appreciate that it might have been hard to see her and if it were me I would have been mortified and apologetic. DD was crying and the woman just tutted really loudly, manouvered the trolley around DD and as she was walking away said loudly "She should be in a trolley, not in everyone's way". I scooped up DD, walked over to the woman and said "Actually her name is A and she enjoys shopping with me. She is too big to fit comfortably in a trolley and she was not doing anything wrong. I appreciate that you didn't mean to hit her with your trolley, but your rudeness was on purpose and far more badly behaved than she was being aged only 2." and I turned and walked off. One of those moments when you manage to say something effective rather than think of it 10 minutes later and I like to think it was assertive rather than rude.

YANBU.

Original poster
sb6699 · 15/12/2008 15:07

Normally when we go for the "big" shop she goes in a trolley but I'd only popped in to get some bananas - wish I'd gone without now!

I live in a small town in England and stick out like a sore thumb with my Scottish accent - bet when I go and do the school run someone mentions it and asks if it was me

OP posts:
JoyS · 15/12/2008 15:29

at Yanda's old lady! She runs over your daughter and then says it's her fault? Good for you for speaking up.

nailpolish · 15/12/2008 15:34

good for you yanda

i had an experience like this a couple of years ago, dd2 was 2 and we were choosing a book in tesco

it was VERY busy for some reason and the aisles were packed. a woman couldnt get past dd and stood and tutted and eventually SHOVED my dd out of the way. i stopped the woman and said

"even though she is a child she can understand you if you say EXCUSE ME" the woman ran off red-faced

stupid old bat

devoutsceptic · 15/12/2008 16:02

my nearly four year old dd and I joined my sister at a Christmas even in London yesterday. DD was cooing over all the things on the stall and being very gentle, had perfectly clean hands, and all the old ladies were just lovely with her - two gave her presents! - but one was so aggressive - 'don't TOUCH! Don't touch ANYTHING! Anything AT ALL ANYWHERE!' than she nearly burst into tears. I didn't say anything just picked her up adn walked away.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 16:14

A supermarket is not a library. Your DD was running around YOUR legs not theirs. If singing is that rude, how come I hear old gentlemen going around the supermarket singing like booming giants and construction workers whistling away at the top of their lungs. Whistling annoys me intensely. So what? That's my problem, not theirs.

They should not have said anything, and that passive agressive, talking loudly to the friend thing should be confronted in my opinion. If they're not brave enough to say it flat out to your face, then they know they shouldn't be saying it at all.

Well done to your DD1. It sounds as if she replied in the right vein. Well done to you for having well behaved children too. I have seen whole packs of them running up and down aisles and getting things off shelves. That does deserve a comment as they can get run into with trolleys and hurt.

How are children expected to learn and practice good manners when adults they meet in public treat them worse than they would treat a pet dog?

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 16:15

And at Yanda's, nailpolish and devoutsceptic shopping experiences. Poor children.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 16:15

I missed a few 's in the previous post. Please add where you feel it appropriate.

CrackopentheBaileys · 15/12/2008 16:36

Something wierd happen to folk once they get inside a shop. I'm sure there's something dodgy in the air in my local sainsburys.
I had this awful woman, really quite passively angry at me, you could see her going red and fuming, because she 'thought'that I had pushed infront of her in the queue (a bit of a long story tbh, culminating in the fact that I hadn't, of course). But she made me feel so bullied, I guess thats the word, because I refused to turn around and confront her about her behaviour (She took that as a sign of weakness I think)
And on the way out of the store, she started moaning at her patner about hpw rude people are and that I deserved a smack!
It took every fibre of my being not to go craaaaaazy at her, but I think I held the moral high ground in refusing to be goaded into an arguement.
To this day I think of all the great things I could have said, but as many have said on here, it's best not to perpetuate the arguement

MrsMattie · 15/12/2008 16:38

I lover having a go at old bats in supermarkets. Tis sport to me

mayorquimby · 15/12/2008 16:38

"Fair enough she was getting rather loud and I was about to ask her to pipe down "

when a parent says that when they are defending their childrens noise levels i'm inclined to think that they were being very loud but because it's your kid you don't mind/think it's adorable.
yabu for not getting your daughter to be quiet and getting into a slanging match with them
they are being unreasonable for not just getting on with it.

Umlellala · 15/12/2008 16:45

Yes, YABU

The other day (in stressy Morrisons) I had a woman weirdly go to me 'oh, is this YOUR pram' (I was putting things on checkout at the end, next to pram, the queue was full of people and buggies) 'I said, yes, oh sorry is it in your way' and she said 'well, the baby isn't being looked at, you are facing the other way'

I got a bit huffy and started saying 'well, look, where am I supposed to go?' then thought, oh get over yourself, life is toooooo short for misery and huffiness, Umlellala. So I smiled and asked her if she wanted to go before me (she had two things, I had a whole basket) - she then smiled and we had a weird strange supermarket woman nice chat. Left in a great mood rather than if I had gone down the route. Smiles are infectious you know.

God, I am such a hippy!

FunnyLittleFrog · 15/12/2008 16:49

YANBU.

You were right to confront them as they obviously intended you to hear what they were saying.

Some older women are just HORRIBLE to litte children and their mothers. I wonder why? There are far more annoying things to get worked up about than litte children singing and playing.

FunnyLittleFrog · 15/12/2008 16:51

that's little children, not litte children!

FioFio · 15/12/2008 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

crumpet · 15/12/2008 16:56

I have to say I do not like this generalised slanging off of old people. They are not some homogenous lump! And some of the "passive aggressive" could have something to do with the fact that they may be getting deaf and do not realise how loudly they are talking...

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 15/12/2008 17:04

I didn't mention their age in my responses crumpet.

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 15/12/2008 17:19

Yay for Yanda, what a wonderful stinging response. I have never met anything but polite old people when out with DS, but will try to remember that if I come across an exception.

Umlellala · 15/12/2008 17:24

(PS Yanda, your response was perfect btw. Poor dd )