to think that people should be polite in my house to my invited guests, even if they are small

[vezzie]

On Saturday DP and I celebrated his birthday with a party for family and friends, including lots of small friends and relations between about 2 and 9 years old. They were all very good: some suitably festive boisterousness, but no fighting, breaking things, destructiveness, tantrumming or any any kind of obnoxious behaviour. They didn't know each other before and they were all really nice to each other.

One of DP's (adult) friends was sitting near the drinks when a little boy came into the room and said, "Please can I have some lemon squash?" He said, very rudely, "No." I was just on my way past the door when this happened and wasn't sure I had taken this in properly - I came back a few minutes later to find out what was happening and the boy had some squash and was talking to someone else, so I kind of forgot about it.
Background: he considers his nose severely out of joint about people in his / DP's group starting to have children and can't understand why they get so much attention, and I have noticed him before saying things obliquely critical of their presence at other social events. but I don't think he has ever been to an event where there were so many kids relative to adults before (I hardly know anyone who doesn't have kids, now).
The next day, DP told me that he had overheard another child asking about what time it was, and this same curmudgeonly "friend" had said, "time you went home". DP tried to pick him up on it - gently - and apparently didn't get anywhere with that.
I am furious. this man has been slightly, vaguely rude to me for years (as he is jealous probably - he and DP used to be closer, and I think he is a pretty lonely guy) but I don't care that much as I don't like him, don't mind if we are not best friends, don't have to see him much, and can't be bothered to engage with the issue. But this has really put my back up! he would never dare be so blatantly horrible to adult guests he didn't know and didn't like having around. (also he has made email comments to other people since about the "racket" that day.)
If DP and I invite people over, they stay till they want to leave, and other people can't suggest they are not welcome! Am I totally over-reacting? It makes me want to not invite him to anything ever again, if he can't keep his bitterness to himself.
Should I: a. just get over it (yes, probably); b. take it up with him; c. not invite him to things at our house (which I don't want to anyway but he is a v. longstanding friend of DPs).
sorry this is so long, just wanted to rant to people who don't know him

YANBU, though I don't have any advice. If it were me though I would have got Dh to take him to one side and tell him that if he wasn't going to be polite to other guests then he was welcome to leave.

I know not everyone likes children but if you are invited somewhere and you know there are going to be children there either don't go or do go and put up and shut up basically.

Yanbu. The guy's a turd.
'Ask' dh to meet the turd alone and outside the house from now on!

Don't invite him to stuff like this again. If he asks why, tell him it's because he obvious dislikes the company of your guests.
YANBU and he is an idiot. A soon to be friendless idiot if he carries on like this towards their children.

ha ha "friendless" yes, that is his problem (I think, playing with my amateur psychologists' set) - he feels lonely and that all his old friends don't pay him enough attention, yet can't work out why people don't like to have him around, although you don't have to be a genius because:
he never invites anyone round
when other people invite him, he takes a couple of beers and keeps them in his bag for him alone to drink
at barbecues or other parties with food he times his arrival to coincide with when the food should be coming out and positions himself to eat as much of it as possible when it comes off the grill and never passes it around
he never takes any food at all to barbecues, picnics, etc
he takes his own crisps to pubs as they are cheaper and doesn't offer them around
he hangs around the bar waiting for people to buy a round and then never offers a drink back
One of the few things I saw him hand money over a bar, it was during a BOGOF happy hour and he drank both drinks himself!
he always dominates the conversation to be about what he wants to talk about and gets stroppy if someone introduces a tangent
he is always weird with new people and ignores my friends and family completely, except small ones whom he feels free to insult

By the way some of my best friends are scroungers but only because they are skint and usually contribute something else. And some of DPs other friends are really broke and extremely generous, and watching him just turn up to social events as if they are free canteens - ignoring people and tucking straight into the food as if he wishes he could take a doggy bag as well - really gets to me as he has a better job than most.
anyway yes I think he is increasingly feeling left out of things and DP feels sorry for him.

Good lord, does he have any redeaming features? He sounds like my FIL.

I like what the others have suggested that you not invite him anymore, he is gonna be one sad, lonely, old man if he carries on like this. You do not need people like him in your life or around your or your friends DC.

Also how hard is it to bring along something for the host? DH and I are skint most of the time but when we are invited to events like this we always take a case of beer and a couple of bottles and contribute to the food also.

Sounds like a guy I used to know. Note used. He was eventually kind of edged out of our group because of this kind of behaviour plus being totally obnoxious when he had a drink (racist remarks, very crude innuendo in front of young children - but not innuendo enough so they didn't understand)
Next time he comes round give him his food on a kiddies party plate and tell him as long as he behaves like a kid, you'll treat him like one
And tell all the little ones he's a grumpy Gus

theres a guy like this in our group of friends and hes a pain in the arse/ gets up my sodding nose/on my tits/etc and i wish he would bog off. he has this weird attitude towards kids and long term partners..steming from his childhood, his parents were hippies, hes the oldest of six kids and they lived in orkney and he seems to be against any sort of familial bond.

he is starting to cut a bit of a sad figure heading towards 40 when most of us are on our 2nd or 3rd child and hes still trying to speed date etc

What a pleasant chap!

No,seriously, he sounds very immature,bitter and down right rude,friend of your dh's or not,I would not tolerate that passive agressive behaviour towards children so imo,he would not get invited again.

I wouldn't invite him again. I don't think it is right to be rude to DCs just because they are little-it doesn't cost anything to be polite.

ugh, horrible. Don't invite him again. Tell DH why.

If this were me I would tell DH I wouldn't have him in the house again. DH can meet him seperately if he wants, which it sounds like this guy would prefer anyway.

He sounds very immature; OK some people don't like kids, that's fine. But as a grown up, you bite your lip and/or you don't attend family things.

Or, for a laugh, you could invite him again but tell the kids that they're free to give him as hard a time as they like !!!!

It's nice of your dp to be loyal to this bloke.

I think he sounds like he might have some sort of medical/personality issue, actually, and it can only be fair to everyone not to impose situations on him which are stressful (which then produces this sort of behaviour) & in which his needs can't be looked after - so no need to ask him to children-heavy get-togethers.

But please do encourage your kind dp to keep including him where he can be fitted in.

thanks everyone who told me he sounds like a nightmare.

however I probably ABU because now I look at it all written down and thinking about some other things I think Bink is probably right and he has some kind of medical type thing and I should probably be kinder.

However I can't help wishing the "kindness" could take the form of offering some helpful advice on being nice to have around so you have more friends.