in telling my friend who keeps

[WinkyWinkola]

making the same old mistakes with men, over and over and over for as long as I've known her (18 years), that it's pointless her in talking about her dating life because nothing ever changes for her? And that she should get some cognitive behaviour therapy.

Am I so mean because I'm just not interested anymore in hearing how he wouldn't respond to her 150th text of the day or how mean she is to him because he isn't "strong enough" to stand up to her or how she shouldn't have slept with him on the first date?

It never changes - every single time she meets a new man, she behaves obsessively with compulsive texting and 'phone waiting if he's not into her or if he is, her being hard and snappy with him.

Are friends supposed to be there no matter what or does a sympathetic shoulder get a bit worn out when the same issues keep on arising?

I'm thinking that I may have to be blunt with my friend, TBF, because she's driving me mad. She'll probably fall out with me for being unsupportive.

I know I have Groundhog Day Syndrome but I've got DCs under 4!

I'd be sick of it too. I hope I'd find a way to approach friend about it without causing a rift, but she does sound a bit ... erm ... mad, sorry, so she might not take it well at all. She'll think you're being disloyal or something possibly.

If you make the same responses over and over then you are enabling her repetitive moaning. It might be that the friendship either stays exactly as it is or stops altogether - like all her other relationships by the sounds.

I might actually phase this mate out, unless it was impossible.

Yanbu, btw. Ghastly

i think you should say something - eg you are fab and lovely but you need to get a grip with your lovelife - dont take it so seriously - just enjoy it

or something along those lines

else you will just get sick of her which would be a shame if you get on well the rest of the time

I personally would not tell her she'd benefit from seeing a counsellor!

Just be honest with her about it and tell her how you feel

If you cant be honest with your friends, who can you be with?

But make sure you tell her I will always be there to support and listen to you, but here is where i think you are going wrong

I am amazed you've held out this long. 18 years? My word, I had a flatmate/friend who did this for 4 years (admittedly with the same guy)- 1 year before we met, then the year we were friends and 2 years of being flatmates. And I couldn't take it.

Sadly, although she's getting better about her dating strategy (although she still also obsessively texts not just the man she's interested in but the ones she's recently broken up with and the ones she'd like to date, even though they're ENGAGED), our friendship has never recovered.

Well, no-one wants to be told to get counselling. And I bet this friend would take it spectacularly badly.

It's hard (been there)

I would start changing your behaviour toward her, rather than telling her what she might/might not benefit from

Set some limits and boundaries around it. Ie, listen for no more than 15m about the latest drama. Don't offer advice - just listen and say something wanky like "that sounds like a difficult situation for you, I hope it turns out the way you want it to". Then change the subject, move on

If necessary, tell her that talking about things over and over doesn't seem to help... but maybe you could meet up and catch a film or something

I have found that letting someone like that go on and on simply allows them to off-load and feel marginally better but leaves you holding all the crap... it's pants

PB,You don't have to scream "go and get some councelling you freak!" at her though,

Maybe suggest she takes the current man to relate, then say "oh, he won't go?! They'll prob see you on your own if you like" -then she thinks she's addressing "his" problem first.

Don't know. I've had friends like this and had to leave them to it. I sympathise.

I disagree that counsellors aren't as well-trained and only suitable for minor issues. They can be trained in cbt and all sorts of different techniques- just ask what when you ring.

I would be quite brutal with your friend,OP, and say something like "Groundhog Day, much?" If she wants you to elaborate, do. That's what friends are for- you would only be honest because you care, otherwise you would just nod politely

Good god YV, I know that!

I think however the OP wraps it up, her mate's going to sniff out some kind of offense in the suggestion, and than the fat's in the fire.

Fwiw, I reckon tell her that Bitoffun's approach is probably wisest.

The friend sounds a bit co-dependent actually

She could access support groups if she wanted to (though she's probably not able to admit there's that much of a problem with her atm)