..to think Dh drinks far too much?

[littlegirlblue]

I am forever nagging Dh to stop/ cut down on drinking...he drinks most evenings at home, often a bottle of wine or a bottle plus a few cans of beer. He is often drunk. (Though only in an annoying, slurry, slobby way...I usually go to bed and ignore it). I hate it, but then I rarely drink at all. He has had enough of me nagging worrying, but I have had enough of him being a drunken wreck on the sofa of an evening, and hungover the next day. What do other Dh's drink? Is he being unreasonable to drink so much, or am I way way out of touch on the drinking scale?! We've been together for 10 years and he has always been the same (though perhaps better than he once was).....I'm amazed he still has a liver left! incidentally it was his idea to post this because he thinks I will be told his behaviour is totally normal and acceptable

YANBU - DP drinks a pint of coke and whisky after work each day and it annoys the hell outta me.
Doesn't affect him but I worry for his health.

He is drinking too much. He shouldn't need to drink every day. That is not normal.

Since you asked, my DH drinks vey rarely in the house but might have a blow-out once in a while at a party or on a night out. He likes his drink but knows he can't drink all the time cos of hangovers etc plus the weight he'd put on!

He is drinking to much. Drinking everyday is not normal. Also a whole bottle of wine is way to much.

I am a recovering alcoholic.

So, although this is only my opinion, I think i speak with a certain amount of authority.

The quantity and the frequency are both red herrings really (though, vague though your figures are, it does sound like he's drinking about double the Govt's guidance on what constitues heavy drinking - worth thinking about).

What really matters is whether you put drinking above other things in your life. A single 17 year old girl might get drunk every night and it could mean nothing. A 40 year old woman with a family, who gets 40 yr old hangovers rather than 17 yr old ones, and whose boss is giving her a hard time because her work's slipping, whose partner never stops crying and shouting, and whose children are frightened or embarrassed by her, might drink exactly the same amount as the teenager, but have a serious problem. Obviously the age, gender and situation are illustrative only.

The key AA slogan is, "if your drinking costs you more than money - THINK!"

Let me know if you want to know anyomre about my story and I'll gladly chat to you or your husband via email.

MIFLAW (hope that's right) what a very sensible post. I think that sums it up perfectly.

Thanks for that post MIFLAW....I've just switched on the pc this morning. Very helpful. I think this is where I get stumped, because he goes through phases of cutting down a bit, I stop worrying and think 'Oh phew, He's not an alcholic then, he's got it under control' only for it to start to creep back up again. Last night he drank a bottle and a half of wine and was not a pretty sight. This morning I feel very angry with him, and then he gets nagged talked to more than usual, and he gets annoyed. I just can't reason with him, and I do admit to finding it really upsetting. Although, for the most part, he seems to manange to deal with it somehow. I, on the ohter hand, find the best way to deal with it is by ignoring it, because otherwise it's huge amounts of wasted energy and upset for me that gets me no-where.
Thanks for all the posts. Yes Thisisyesterday, that is what upsets me most. He doesn't seem to realise it does have any effect on me at all. . Though I do, obviously, love him to pieces. In many many ways he is a wonderful Dh.
I think he began to read this thread last night. I will try to encourage him back on here later x x

Hi, have read only the OP's posts but thought i'd add for your DH to read.....

Me and DH have been together for 7.5yrs... when we first met we were both young (me 17, him 19) and we used to go out clubbing on a saturday night, other than that we never drank really... now we have got married and have DC's its even more rare that we drink...

DH will normally have maybe one or 2 bottles of beer in a week... and i dont have that, not even when not pg... DH has never ben drunk at home before... not even on xmas day!!

If my DH were drinking that much i'd seriously say he had a drink problem.

I thinking the culture of drinking at home is a tricky one - it kind of sneaks up on you. There is no one other than yourself or your partner to regulate you or tell you when enough is enough.

My DH used to drink a bottle of wine a night every night and I would polish off about half a bottle.

We got all credit-crunchy about it when moaning about the cost of christmas and feeling like we had no money. We added up that we spent nearly £35 a week on booze. 10 weeks later and I have lost half a stone in weight and we have £350 sat in a savings account. We both sleep better and feel much better mentally.

Can your DH give it up for a longer period than a few weeks? It really will have health & financial benefits.

YANBU. Can he not limit it to having it just on a weekend, rather than every night?
This is way over the recommended units per week. His health will suffer, which will mean financial implications if he can't work due to ill health. I have seen people suffering from liver damage who drink less.
Its about respect as well. He knows you don't like it but still continues to do it.
Compromise.

Thanks for those...Dh has been on here and now looks a tad sheepish. Really hope this helps him. MIFLAW, I would be very glad to hear more of your story, how you came to recognise you had a problem, and how you bravely made the first steps to recovery. That seems to be the major stumbling block. How do you admit to yourself/ everyone else that there is a real problem there?

Yes, it must be costing us a fortune, and it doesn't do him any favours in the looks/weight dept either...very hard on the physique drinking so much!

I wish he could jsut limit it to weekends...but he seems unable to do this...the msot he has managed ove the 10 yrs we've been together is to not drink 2 or 3 days a week. But it seems to creep back up again. THe longest he's ever had 'off drinking' is two weeks. He looked amazing, and felt fantastic, but it didn't last.

Small steps are a start - can he say commit to not drinking monday to thursday ?
Put the money to one side and at the end of a month you will have enough for the two of you to have a meal out or something ?

I have found the reward of a lump sum very motivating.

my dad drinks every night ..rather a lot in fact and manages to keep down a day job. he insists he doesnt have a problem because alcoholics drink in the day and he only drinks at night but he will drink himself to sleep every night and it upsets my mum. He gets twitchy about half 5 and is usually asleep by 8..not much of a life really. I like a drink every now and then but I am very embarrased by my dads behaviour and would hate to be my mum...I have no advice how to stop them though becauase if he denies a problem he wont seek help.

littelgirlblue,

Your H sounds like a functioning alcoholic. I sadly note that the longest he's ever been able to stay off the drink is 2 weeks.

Al-anon help family members of problem drinkers. You need to contact them as they can help you.

Like it or not you are also playing a part in his ongoing alcoholism; how many times have you made excuses for him, asked him to stop or tried to protect the children from his drunken excesses?. Many women in these situations end up as their partner's enabler. Children growing up in a home where one parent is alcoholic can bring to them their own set of problems as adults.

Do his parents drink ?

I know with my DH his parents have always drunk at home. He remembers his dad always coming home from work and the first thing was a very large scotch and water not a cup of tea!
They are still like that now, his mum is amazied if you don't have a drink of wine with a meal even if it lunch.

if you feel he is often over the driving limit the next day. perhaps it would be worth getting one of these.

home breathalyser

if he's drinking late enough and in large enough quantities. he'll probably be over limit in mornings on the nights where he has a good ol drink.

does he need to drive in mornings? to work? or take kids to school?this could be a good way to get it thru to him that he could loose his lisence/cause and accident?

probably not make him quit. but will force him to cut down and/limit it to weekends.

Mmmm! A lot to think about! His Mum doesn't drink much. His Dad, I'm afraid, drinks rather a lot too. In fact, when we see them his Dad actively encourages him to drink more than he should. Which I find very annoying. His Mum doesn't seem to think it's a problem.

I will maybe look in to the al-anon family members thing...because I'd hate to think I was contibuting to the problem. I just want to help him as I worry so much about his health! Hoping this thread has at least opened his eyes a little bit x

I can be contacted here and am happy to talk from my personal experience about what things were like, what happened, and what it's like now.

BTW being able to stop for weeks or even years is another red herring - what matters is whether, when you finally do drink again, it's different from before or exactly the same. As they say, the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting a different outcome.

Sticksantaupyourchimney, are you a friend of Bill W's?

MAFLAW: not sure. I used to know a couple of blokes called Bill but don't remember sirnames. Can you give me a context?

Bill wilson. From New York, spent a lot of time in Akron.

If the name doesn't ring a bell, don't worry - I've obviously got you mixed up with someone else.

I think you have me mixed up with someone else: the three Bills I know are all English. Never mind.