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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to expect my well-off friend to not order mega-expensive drinks when it's my round?

17 replies

MrsMerryHenry · 12/12/2008 20:45

A couple of months ago I went to my friend's birthday drinks at a bar. My friend is very successful in her career and is married to a music industry boffin - I reckon their joint income is about £100k minimum, and they have no kids. We had frequently talked about my lack of work at the time (I'd been out of work for almost two years, including 1 year's maternity leave) and she has even been sending job ads my way.

So when I offered to buy her a drink (I was drinking juice) she ordered a cocktail that I'd never heard of. I assumed it would cost about I got to the bar and our two drinks came to £12! I asked the barmaid how much the cocktail cost: £10.50 because it was mostly champagne!

Whenever someone else is buying me a drink I always try as best as I can to match whatever they're drinking by price. £10.50 was a huge whack out of my Jobseeker's Allowance that week (AND I was the only one at the bar to buy her a gift!).

Am I being unreasonable to think that she was being unreasonable?

OP posts:

mankymummy · 12/12/2008 20:48

well i dont think you can expect her to order a juice just because thats what you were drinking, but if it were me i would have declined the offer of a drink and said, no no im fine. but she probably had had a few and didnt give it a thought.

BouncingTinsel · 12/12/2008 20:48

Cheeky cow!! If I was having a drink with a friend who would was out of work I would be buying them a drink and certainly not expecting one back.. well at least until said friend was earning again

beansontoast · 12/12/2008 20:48

mmmm...i sort of think you shouldnt offer.

it is very cheeky of her though...very!

roundcornvirgin · 12/12/2008 20:49

very rude of her

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 12/12/2008 20:49

Well I wouldn't expect her to drink juice, either, but a glass of wine would have surely been reasonable - and more than half the price!

OP posts:

nkf · 12/12/2008 20:49

This was a couple of months ago? I think you should have got over it by now.

bran · 12/12/2008 20:51

She probably just wasn't thinking, it's easily done when you're a bit tipsy and relaxed and celebrating. You asked her what she wanted to drink and she told you. IMO it's not usual etiquette to think about what the drink buyer is drinking and match your drink to that. If I were your friend I would rather not be offered a drink and buy my own than either have to drink something cheap that isn't what I wanted or be resented for being uncaring.

Why is this still festering a couple of months on? I think you should let it go for your own peace of mind and don't buy her a present next year to make the money back (make her fudge or something instead).

oxocube · 12/12/2008 20:53

inconsiderate but probably not intentionally rude. Must say though, if someone offers to buy me a drink, I would ever order champagne

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 12/12/2008 20:53

Yes it probably sounds like it's festering - the reason I'm writing about it now is that I saw the name of the drink in a pub yesterday so it reminded me of the incident and I thought I'd find out what others think.

Am definitely not fuming about it and I love the friend dearly - but think she was rather thoughtless.

OP posts:

oxocube · 12/12/2008 20:54

would never

WinkyWinkola · 12/12/2008 20:55

It is cheeky but TBH she probably didn't even think. I've got a friend who is loaded as well and she can't understand why we moan about tube fares and other costs.....we're probably very boring to her.

But YANBU. One shouldn't cost one's friends a lot of money.

noonki · 12/12/2008 20:56

inconsiderate cow.

UnfortunatelyMe · 12/12/2008 20:57

If she has 100 grand a year coming in she is CLUELESS to how much 10.50 might mean to someone else.
I know people who spend £50 on plant pots. Thats my weekly shop.

fluffles · 12/12/2008 20:59

Well, it was HER birthday drinks, i'm assuming this wasn't her first drink of the night, you did offer.

So she was a bit thoughtless - i don't think it's a crime and i think she can be forgiven for being thoughtless in those circs. Next time don't ask if you can't afford.

MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 12/12/2008 21:00

If it is a drink that she normally orders then I would not be annoyed. If she had ordered a cheaper drink for her round then I would be.

Sounds like she is a bit thoughtless.

beansontoast · 12/12/2008 21:02

omg just seen it was her birthday!...of course i would have bought her a drink on her irthday...even at a tenner.

Original poster

MrsMerryHenry · 12/12/2008 21:05

To give a bit more information and to be fair (to me!) I was talking exclusively to her and then wanted another drink before leaving the bar about 20 mins later. So I could hardly say 'well, I'm off to the bar but I won't get you anything', now could I?! Besides, I don't think there's anything wrong with offering to buy for one person if you're on a tight budget.

Some of you have said she was possibly thinking under the influence (still coherent, though so not leathered!) - yes, that sounds quite possible, actually.

OP posts:

Flip