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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have given this girl another chance?

18 replies

shootRudolphinthehip · 12/12/2008 18:21

Right, I tutor from home and pay a childminder to look after my LO's one day a week so that I can do my preparation. I have been doing this for a couple of years and have been badly mucked about so this year I decided to make my pupils pay for blocks of lessons so that if they missed one I was still covering my costs. Fair enough. The girl in question comes on a Sat morning. Not ideal for either of us but it was the only time that she could fit me in. I agreed to be more flexible because I would have to miss the odd Sat (I still want to have some kind of life).

So far she had only paid me on the day (and not in advance) and has benefited from my reduced rate despite this being for those who pay in advance. My choice to let it go but I didn't know then what I know now (IYSWIM). I have had her cancel on me 4 times at short notice (eg that morning) and only found out she wasn't coming last weekend because I phoned her to find out what we were doing as she had cancelled the previous time too. I do not get paid when she doesn't come and I have refused several other kids because I only offer 4 places. She is taking up the place of another kid who could guarantee me the income.

I left it last week when the Mum told me she was ill as she said she would call me during the week this week. Nothing. So I called about 10 mins ago just to cancel her completely. I've had enough of being messed about and am free to take on another pupil. I just feel like they are taking the piss and I am not covering my costs re childcare which is not their problem but what is the point in me doing it if it's costing me money?

This said, the parents have not taken it well. I was given a hard time because I have cancelled (I didn't, I let them know, in advance, that I was going to my DSister's leaving party - she's away for a year and a half- and to my cousin's wedding). I was told did I not know what a big commitment they have made coming to me as their DD already has 4 other club (WTF?) and it didn't really suit them either to come to me every weekend.

I just amn't sure if I should have given her yet another chance and maybe warned her I would need to give away her place or just chucked her the way I did (although I did try to speak to the Mum last week and explain that I need the income).

Also- turns out she WAS going to cancel me for tomorrow anyway as her DD is still a bit ill even though she has been at school.

so tell me, AIBU?

OP posts:
kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 12/12/2008 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdventCandleQueen · 12/12/2008 18:24

no way. Parents of girl totally U.

tiredsville · 12/12/2008 18:26

YANBU

Original poster
shootRudolphinthehip · 12/12/2008 18:26

Thanks so far- just feel really crappy about it. They are nice people with a nice DD but I mean, I need the money. (Won't lie and say that the WHOLE day with no kids isn't enough of a reward but still )

OP posts:
NowICanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 12/12/2008 18:27

No, say good bye and hello new pupil ... I think you should give a discount for a block booking payment!

I mean, my dd does ballet and irish dancing and I have to pay for the whole term. that's just what you expect! you wouldn't be UR to expect full payment for term ahead.

Original poster
shootRudolphinthehip · 12/12/2008 19:08

I know that I pay in advance for my LO's too.

OP posts:
wotuhohohoinat · 12/12/2008 19:13

YANBU. I've worked as a private tutor and it can be very frustrating and some parents (thankfully, only a small minority) treat you as some sort of servant - they don't seem to realise that it takes time to prepare for the session, aside from organising childcare.
If I were you, I would tell them that, as a result of poor attendance on their part, you have no choice but to discontinue the partnership.

piscesmoon · 12/12/2008 19:24

YANBU-don't give it another thought!

Original poster
shootRudolphinthehip · 12/12/2008 19:26

thanks hoho, I was badly mucked about last year and the year before and was hoping to avoid it this year. I do feel like they feel like they are doing me a favour as opposed to it being a business arrangement. I know that I am probably not BU but because the Mum had been so pointed in her responce to me I was wavering and DH out 'til tomorrow so I thought I'd better ask on here . Cheers.

OP posts:
duchesse · 12/12/2008 19:27

Sounds as though this relationship is not working for either of you. You need commitment on both sides, and she's certainly not committed. Ask her to find a different tutor, and arrange your next pupil's lessons at a time that will not leave you feeling resentful about the pupil. Furthermore, FWIW, as teachers we should lead the way in courtesy, so you should have notified her mother that you would not be able to do your sister's leaving party weekend, whether you were certain she was coming or not. If you do not take your role seriously, you can't really expect the pupil to.

JulesJules · 12/12/2008 19:28

YANBU. You are better off without them.

Original poster
shootRudolphinthehip · 12/12/2008 19:51

Duchesse, thanks for your input. I did let her know in advance that it was a previous arrangement and rearranged the session- which she cancelled. It meant that I was going to see her later in the same day as I would normally as I would not be back at the normal time. I should also clarify- it wasn't a party like booze and dancing- I drove down with my sis, my Mum and my brother to see her in to a Missionary Training Centre as she has gone on a Mission. So I was in her leaving party as opposed to getting lashed. I wasn't going to miss that or my Cousin's wedding, both of which I knew about and told the parents about when I started seeing her in Sept.

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 12/12/2008 19:55

YANBU, they are taking the piss. My daughter has horseridding lessons on a Saturday morning and there is a BIG discount for block booking. But if we don't turn up for a session withour 24hr notice then we lose that lesson.
You should tell that pupil to hop it and maybe in the future make sure that EVERYONE pays in full per term then they have to make sure they turn up and then you won't be out of pocket.
Make it your New Year's resolution

thenewme · 12/12/2008 19:57

I couldn't understand a lot of your post but I would say YANBU.

mm22bys · 12/12/2008 20:01

YANBU, you have been more than accommodating.

I have been charged when I have cancelled DS's appointments (when he's been sick of course), and that is fair enough, they have their costs to cover.

When I was at school I was "dumped" by a SALT, maybe she wasn't happy with our "commitment", or maybe she was just too busy, and I was delighted (can't remember my parents' reaction....)

YANBU.

ThingOne · 12/12/2008 22:14

YANBU at all. I expect to pay for any activity in a block and it's tough shit for me if we miss a session.

Pantofino · 12/12/2008 22:17

No YANBU. My dd only does one out of school activity and for that I paid a term in advance.

ravenAK · 12/12/2008 22:27

I would expect to pay upfront, or at least be committed to paying whether my dc made it or not.

What do you teach?

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