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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be hacked off with ils about - oh so many things!

12 replies

longhardlookinthemirror · 10/12/2008 18:06

Ok here's the deal - sil and bil have alot higher paid jobs then us and are very careful with their money - fair enough right!
If we owed them 50p they'd ask for it back. if we used one of their nappies they'd ask for one of ours back. I get the feeling they always feel like they are being 'done' by us.

For instance, once (years ago but still going on about)my lovely dh borrowed sil's portable cd player(which was offered by her), when he returned it she said it wasn't hers. Hers was a sony and not a goodmans that dh was returning - she was trying to emply that dh had kept her more expensive cd player and got her a cheep one!!!!
I couldn't believe it and dh was so angry and humiliated that she would think he'd do something like that.

Anyway a few months ago we went for a meal together with all the kids. Sil offered that MY dh would pay for the meal on his card and they'd pay us back.
A few weeks past and it was never mentioned (i feel really embarassed asking people for money) and if it was anyone else we probably would have let it go. But if know if it was the other way around they'd be wanting it straight it away and probably ask for interest!!!

I was adament not to let this go so we plucked up the courage and asked last week. Oh and by the way we have (foolishly i'll admit) let other things pass by unmentioned.
Anyway They said they'd paid for something else for us since then - which they could not remember!!! Now I know for sure that we have not been anywhere with them apart from each others houses since the meal so could not have.

We really are normally quite generous people and would happily pay for a meal for a friend or family but they are just so damn annoying (I really could go on and on and on). I really feel about this. It makes me not want to see/do/ go to anything with them anymore. But they are dh's family and the only family that live anywhere near us. Should I just bite my tongue AGAIN?

But apart from that they are lovely

OP posts:
pamelat · 10/12/2008 18:13

How weird!!!

Did your DH used to borrow a lot from his brother or sister? Maybe pre you?

That would be the only explanation

My SIL would be similar but she is broke.

hollyivypoppy34 · 10/12/2008 18:15

they clearly aren't lovely -can you not just keep things to a minimum as they are family - ie going to their house /yours but not out, lending stuff etc. some people are just congenitally mean and twattish

queribus · 10/12/2008 18:27

I would avoid them like the plague. But if this isn't possible, stick to each other's houses, or if you do ever go out with them again, take cash and insist on paying for your half, that way no-one owes anyone else and this won't come up again.

SIL sounds like a real nightmare, TBH. Avoid if poss.

StephanieByng · 10/12/2008 19:01

I agree with not taking anything from them at all. Don't borrow things, don't go out for meals with them. Even if you pay half you can guarantee they will sit there and argue that you had this and they didn't have that etc.

I'd tell them you've decided to keep everything seperate. I am not too tactful so I would tell them that their keeping tabs on everything makes you uncomfortable. But if you're tactful you could say that you find it stressful having to remember to pay back/hand stuffask for stuff back so you'd rather take nothing and lend nothing.

longhardlookinthemirror · 10/12/2008 19:04

Yes we now do try to avoid, but it rarely is possible as she is always organising something or other - she calls herself very 'family orientated' but I prefer 'control freak'.

OP posts:
Salleroo · 10/12/2008 19:10

Life is too short. Dump . Forget control, she is a freak plain and sinple and a tight wad to boot.

WinkyWinkola · 10/12/2008 20:03

Lovely? They sound horrible! Fancy begrudging you or anyone a sodding nappy.

Stinginess is something I cannot bear in people however many other good qualities they may have. The meanness creeps up and overshadows everything else.

I'd avoid at all costs!

prettybutterfly · 10/12/2008 20:29

Yuck. Toxic people. Bin them, or if that's not possible pay for nothing, borrow nothing and lend nothing and only ever meet at houses.

Yuck yuck yuck!

countingto10 · 10/12/2008 20:35

Just try and avoid them as much as possible. My BIL and SIL are EXACTY the same. Can't abide mean, tight people. I had a 40th BD party, paid for everything, didn't expect anyone to contribute, just wanted everyone to have a good time, SIL had a 40th bd meal (which would have cost less than my party ) and charged everybody. She also arranged a small party for ILs wedding anniversary and charged us for the food. I would mind but BIL is a partner in an accountancy firm !!!!!

We have decided we will only see them at Christmas and family BDs - can't be bothered with it anymore. MIL would rather we were all like the Waltons but it's not going to happen.

TheCrackFox · 10/12/2008 20:44

Sounds like my Sis and her DH. Always have good, well paid jobs but have always suffered from "short arms, deep pocket syndrome". I learnt at the age of about 15 never to borrow money from her because you end up paying 5 times over for it.

Never borrow money from them or pay for anything for them ever again. It is pathological and nothing will mend their stingy ways.

longhardlookinthemirror · 11/12/2008 11:30

Thanks everyone, I think you are all right. We will have to keep our distance from them and say 'no' with more conviction.

The sad thing is we moved house and jobs so we would be closer to family, cousins for kids etc....we hardly ever saw them before that...sodding 'grass is always greener'!!!!

OP posts:
MerryMadMarg · 11/12/2008 11:34

This might be a bit OTT, but consider getting a notebook and recording all 'outings' with them, the cost who paid, etc. Make a point of writing it down in front of them, and 'checking' the details with them. If they are going to be so tight, then it's the least they deserve!

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