to expect my DH to back me up when the kids are rude to me?

[coochybottom]

He just raises his eyebrows and listens to me ranting on without actually backing me up. I feel he needs to "be a man",get some balls and be on my side!! I think the DCs know this as it usually ends up with him arguing with me FGS!!

I know the feeling,have just started a similar thread about being big bad wolf mummy.YANBU!!!!

Where is your thread wrinklytum ?

pROBABLY DROPPED OFF ACTIVE CONVOS,WAS IN PARENTING!

No you are not bu, dh does this to me as well

Oh my goodness ... don't RANT!! It's fatal.

You need short sharp sentences. Issues and consequences. When you lose your temper you lose your authority.

Don't let DH distract you. Do the discipline on your own if you have to - you don't need your hand holding do you? You're a big girl now!

If you don't know how to manage it, get a book like 'How to talk so children will listen, and listen so children will talk' from Amazon or the library and read it.

Yabu. Sort yourself out!

He wonders why sometimes its like they have no respect. I think he wants them to like him too much. Its me he's married to FFS! Hasn't he ever heard of playing one parent off against the other? Pointed out to him that his Dad would never have allowed him to talk to his Mum in such a way!

I bet that helped

So what should I have said to him then?

Well, very firmly and calmly refuse to let him distract you. Ask him to wait until you deal with the issue of the children's rudeness. If he's trying to undermine you, tell him you'll discuss it later, when the children are in bed. Then tell him off too!

Really DON'T start bickering with him when you are trying to discipline them.

Do you think that ideally all the discipline should come from the man? Lots of women are uncomfortable with it. We want to be popular too! But you can do discipline and be popular ... if you do it right you will be MORE popular!

The book I suggested is good. Try it.

Best of luck,
PBxx

I want prettybutterfly to tell ME off

Maybe you are ranting too much and he feels sorry for your poor kids.

I do know it is so easy to get into a nagging loop, but sometimes you have to step back and consider if what you are saying really is that important!

I agree with PB, and I too have read the book she suggests - it does make so much sense.

Oh, so it is obviously all my fault then.

yes agree with all PB has said. It sounds as if your reaction is so over the top that he wants to defend them.

Agree you need consequences, not rants. Agree that your authority is gone the moment you just stand there ranting.

No, it's not all your fault. If the kids are rude to you then he should back you up, but I agree with the point that ranting just gets their backs up and you don't really get anywhere - I know this because i can rant for england, but when I'm calm and rational I get much further with ds!

However, that is easier said than done!

It's the naughty step for you Skidoodle!

No, no, no, you are NOT in the wrong!

We have the same problem in our house it's called DH burying his head in the sand - a technique he learned at his mother's knee (blanking out her nagging, etc)

He even smirks when he catches himself doing it, then when I have given hin the evil eye / words, he backs me up.

He is your partner and as such should support you. It is no wonder the DCs wont take you seriously if he doesnt seem to. Bet they behave better when he is not there,dont they? When you feel you are not being listened to you are bound to feel like you are going on and on. YANBU xxx

They do behave better when he is not there. I do set out consequences and see them through. It is my Dh who makes idle threats and doesnt carry them out. Perhaps he should read that book.

DW and I find that a "good cop, bad cop" approach works surprisingly well, as long as you vary the roles.

But things always go much more swimmingly when one of us is out for whatever reason, and whichever parent is in charge has free rein to do things "their way".

In the early years, I did find that dh not backing me up tended to lead to me ranting. In his case, he was simply following MIL's parenting style.

She told me once, in his presence, I should try to be dd's bf (as she was to her children - er no you're not, they can't stand you). I told her dd would be able to make friends any time, but only had one mum and that was me. DH seemed to understand that, and stopped trying so hard to make dd like him. (And stopped crying when she was cross with him; bless .)

Very interesting. I remember feeling embarassed at our eldest DS's parent eve when my DH said "oh,I treat him just like a friend".I thought to myself, no you are not,you are his parent.