Sorry, this will be long. Bit nervous about submitting this - hence name change - as I suspect I'm BU ...
DB and SIL have been together for about 6 years, living together for about 4, and got married earlier this year.
SIL is Jewish, we are not religious at all.
SIL's birthday is on Christmas Day and has a long-standing tradition of going to her aunt's on Xmas day for a family BDay celebration. Ever since they've been together, DB has gone along with SIL to this, effectively giving up his 'proper' Christmas as they don't celebrate it and SIL's aunt is a vegan and - according to my DB - a crap cook so the food is terrible. But DB wants to do what SIL wants, and she is rather precious about her birthday.
This year, DB will be doing the same but kindly invited me, DH and our child for boxing day along with my parents. I don't have a great relationship with my parents, we weren't speaking for several years (and at one point they weren't speaking to DB either) but have worked towards reconciliation this year. It's at the point where my mother visits me at my house, but my father seems only comfortable seeing us when at DB's, so the few family lunches we've had at DB's have been the only times my father has seen DD this year. So DB's plan for boxing day would be the first time my family was all together at Christmas for over 6 years - a big step in the right direciton and a chance for DD to see her grandparents who she is fond of. I accepted the invite thinking it would only be us, my parents and DB and SIL.
But now SIL has invited her parents and brother too and turned the boxing day into half-Christmas, half-Hanukkah as apparently she doesn't get to celebrate Hannukah much with her parents, even though she'll see them on Christmas day There will be Hanukkah practices and food. SIL is a vegetarian and wants me and my mother to provide dishes. DD will be the only child there. I'm put off this for three reasons:
- Their flat is v. v. small and so we will be squashed together with half the people sitting on uncomfortable chairs and no room for DD to play with her Christmas presents she'll get from DB and my parents.
- I do not want to celebrate Hanukkah in any form, and feel uncomfortable about this.
- SIL's parents are nice but do dominate the conversation, so won't be the chance for my family to bond that I was hoping for.
So, I've left DB a message saying I feel a bit uncomfortable about the Hannukah stuff and maybe it's best if I don't come and that I'd like to discuss it with him; he hasn't called me back yet. Am I being reasonable in not wanting to go or should I just suck it up and go?