To not want my family to all give each other cheques for birthdays and Christmas?

[rony]

My family have some weird ideas about present giving, they feel like they have to spend a certain amount of money on a person, and this usually involves giving a cheque as well as a present. I find this really unnecessary; I spoke to my mum about it but she got all offended. DH and I refuse to do this which means everybody probably thinks we're mean, even though we try really hard to buy nice presents for them.

I am dreading Christmas this year as the whole presents thing is such a big deal for them, they're like little kids about it all. We've been living abroad for the last few years so it hasn't been such an issue - I just can't face the inevitable arguments and moods because our presents aren't considered "good enough".

YANBU - that's weird.

So they give the cheques to 'make up' the difference?

That is strange.

I mean, we have a budget for everyone, but not to the very pound and we won't spend for the sake of it.

Poor you.

oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it weird!

There isn't like an "announced" budget but they always ask what you want, get you that and then give you a cheque as well.

For my birthday recently they each got me a couple of bits of Clinique stuff, which I wanted and would have been totally happy with, and then I get cheques from them all as well! (my mum and her two equally barmy sisters)

With the inlaws it tends to really vary from year to year depending on what we see that they might like etc, some years we spend more, some less and then it just evens out I guess.

I just find the cheques really embarrassing.

I watched with at how many fabulous gifts (well over a grand's worth) my brother gave SIL last year. And it struck me the gruelling training programme she must have put him through to get to that point. I mean, I grew up with him and there's no way he would have chosen high-quality leather/suede/cashmere/cosmetics/perfume etc... otherwise. So how many times had he given her sub-standard gifts and been met with disapproval?
Makes me uncomfortable, and takes all the pleasure out of choosing gifts if you know they're for a very fussy recipient who will turn their nose up at them, or wonder how much you've spent.

very weird. I even hate being asked what I want, it seems so mercenary. Adults giving money to adults is just wrong imo. Maybe a token tenner in a card so you can treat yourself but otherwise no!

I would get some really original presents for everyone, don't ask them what they want and see if you can change the family tradition!

YANBU- I hate this. My in-laws don't do presents- they just send cheques, which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I'm not sure of the protocol- I prefer to send pressies, but they live far away, and I have e-mailed my sil twice to try to run some pressie ideas by her, but she hasn't answered, which means I will probably have to send vouchers, but which means they know how much we spent, and we know how much they spent! AS we have 3 kids and they have 2, I feel I need to guess how much she will spend on my 3, add it up and divide by 2!! Bit pointless all round: we might as well decide to each keep our own money!

Do you by any chance have a blankety blank chequebook?

I know, why don't we all just exchange bank account details and be done with it!

My mum says she doesn't want to waste her money buying something which you don't want, so she gives money so you can choose something you really do want. But I just think you do your best to get people what you think they would like, and if they don't like it, they don't like it, you've done your best, no big deal.

Last Christmas my mum had been banging on about how she needed a new kitchen knife so Dh and I bought her a really decent one. She made it totally clear it wasn't "acceptable" as a present, and later in the year when I borrowed some kitchen stuff from her, she included in the stuff she lent me the same knife, still packaged up in its box!!

Or not bother exchanging gifts at all and spend the money on yourself!

Of course YANBU

I would ignore what they do and do what you want for their presents. if they can be so ungracious as to give you back something and tell you that it is not acceptable then sod em quite frankly.

I have been very creative this year and managed to get some real bargains which has been really helpful as we are relatively skint as I have been on maternity leave for a lot of this year, we are trying to do up / sell our house and we have 2 small children. I just don't get the exactly how much it costs mattering - all that matters is that you buy something roughly equivalent in value to what you know they get for you i guess but if you manage to get a £20 present for £10 it would be stupid to give a cheque for £10 as well ffs!!!

Get one of these

Hehehehehe