to be fed up with taking food for DS (now aged 2) to MILs everytime we visit?

[kwaker5]

MIL/FIL and SIL (who lives with them) don't seem to cook. Whenever we go and stay for the weekend, we always get ham sandwiches and takeaway fish and chips. Last time we went, I only took one 'meal' for DS with me for the evening we were arriving and assumed we might be able to eat together after that. I also thought she would probably at the very least have a tin of baked beans somewhere (doesn't everyone?), but he ended up having crumpets/cheese on toast every meal!

I don't know what they must live off when we are not there. The cupboard is just full of cakes and biscuits.

I'm not precious about what he eats but just think it would be nice for us to eat together for a change. The meal I almost always take with me is pasta with leftover bolognese sauce because it is so easy to prepare! Now all I seem to get from MIL is comments that all he eats is pasta and how his cousins are also really 'fussy'.

We are going there for Christmas and did ask whether we could have Christmas lunch a bit later (after his nap) or even at 5pm (when they normally eat dinner), which was met with a 'no'. There will only be me, DH, MIL, SIL and FIL, so not as though there are loads of rellies to accomodate. The thing is, he will be getting really grumpy by 1.30 if I try and keep him going, plus usually eats at 12/12.30 but if he snacks too much to keep himself going until 1.30, he will just refuse lunch becaue he is tired or not hungry, and then the comments about fussy eating will start.

Does anyone else have the same problem? Maybe I am BU in some respects but really just need to vent somewhere!

oooh sympathies.

we always go to my parents on xmas day. their schedule is totally different from ours. they normally get up about 9 or 10 on xmas day, champagne, relax, put the turkey in, dad and brother go to the pub (yes! on christmas day!!) come back about 3, eat about 4.

this totally messes up dcs (very very unstrict) routine - too late for lunch, too early for dinner. tbh i am normally over the hunger by then too having cracked open the chocolates!

my parents then criticise me for not getting the dcs to eat xmas lunch with us - "oh isn't it a shame the dcs won't have anything to eat, won't they have a roast potato, poor dcs only having pasta / beans on toast / whatever..." grrr

annoys me no end but i couldn't ask them to change their plan, even though there's normally only 6 adults plus my dcs... they would think i was a totally neurotic uptight child-centred control freak... i am many things but that i am not... anyway. i don't think you can ask in laws to change their xmas plan, unfortunately. it's their house and if they are not sensitive / caring enough to ask when would be a good time for your family to eat, it's not your place to mention it really. just take food with you and feed your ds whenever he needs to be fed. good luck! xx

They just sound like they don't consider your son at all, I guess that the take-aways are ordered when he is asleep. YANBU to resent it, maybe for taking him there at all.

Thing is, it's also much easier on the parent(s) if everyone at least starts off the meal together as the small child will sit for a certain amount of time to eat. If small child has already eaten, he is running around daft needing assistance and supervision (and you;re a lucky devilif you had a 2 yr old who napped for 2 hours) and so the parent(s) get no peace to enjoy teh Christmas dinner.

When I have grandchildren, I will definitely arrange Christmas dinner aournd the children if I invite them.

My children napped for two hours as 2yos. Think DD could still do with doing - but as 4 1/2 yo it is not practical. You can mess around with children's mealtimes, you know. DD is going to a party on Sunday which is 2-4 and will be getting tea at 3.15. I can work round that even though usually she eats nearer 6 on a Sunday. Christmas dinner will be at 2 at my Auntie's. I can work round that too.

YANBU! Your PILS should want to accommodate their grandson on Christmas Day and should also make a little effort to get something nutritional in the house when they have invited you all over for a visit. If they aren't cooks they can always ask you to prepare the meal for your DS! Wouldn't worry too much about the timing of the Christmas meal though - a little snack should stay him and if he falls asleep just hold some back for when he wakes - no doubt your PILS possess a microwave!

Hi,

YANBU about wanting food in and for them to adjust to your ds's meal times (even if the adults just have snack with him)

I think DingDongMerrilyonPie we must have the same inlaws. Everytime we went, WE were expected to make a meal at 9pm from nothing or the best one "there's a whole chicken in the freezer"
I refuse to go now too. I'm afraid that if you cant't feed us after having driven 3 hours, we are obviously not welcome.

MY DD is almost 11 months. At Christmas we will feed her as normal at 12 ish and put her to bed, and then we will stick to our normal Xmas plans and eat at 2pm ish. She can have Christmas "dinner" at her 5pm tea time.

It would be nice to eat with her but we cant eat too early nor too late (I wouldn't feel it was fair to change things around her)

My DD also sleeps 2 hours but she is half their age, not sure what most 2 year olds do.

2 things: the lack of food is fairly inhospitable imo. Take away once =fine when there are visitors, but no standby provisions in the home whatsoever is a little strange especially when there's a 2 yo around.
Timing of lunch: they are being inflexible here but useit to your advantage - give ds an early lunch (yes even though you'll be bringing the ingredients yourself !) and put him down to nap during the adult meal. if he wakes during, no atter as you'll have had a chance to relax and eat for a bit without having to deal with a small child.

and you are going to the ILs for Xmas because......?!

My mum is the same. DS is offered fishfingers on every visit. I take whole milk (she thinks it fine to give skimmed to him), cheese, tomatoes, cucumber, veg, well all his food needs for the weekend. Sad, but necessary. I have to eat her crappy food though. We don;t see her often. Last time I had food poisoning!!

We don;t go to my mums for Christmas, as cannot stomach the thought. We all eat together for Christmas meals and invite her over. She always likes the food and makes a big fuss of it, but makes no change to what she buys and cooks at her house!