to want to lock all the doors after xmas and not let the in-laws anywhere near the place

[west3]

Long story I'm afraid. Will try and condense it the best I can.
Few weeks ago MIL announced that GMIL was going to come down to stay with us for a few days after xmas (please note told not asked if it would fit in with what we had planned)they would bring her down so at least we didn't have to do a 4hour round trip to collect her.
Well after hearing nothing more on subject dh and myself asked if plans were any further forward re dates etc. We were told to let them know what suited us, which we duly did basically arrive 28th and we would return GMIL to her home for New Year and stay overnight in order to celebrate with her. Somewhere in between I would cook big family meal for 9 as we have biggest house so can accommodate all plus room for kids to run around.
Sent plan to ILs last night having carefully considered all options which read something like
29th all arrive meal at our house, all stay over (MIL,FIL & GMIL)
30th I would take GMIL shopping (as requested by GMIL)whilst MIL&FIL visit other relatives nearby
31st family lunch at ours (us 4, MIL,FIL,GMIL + 2 other relatives)
After lunch load car and take GMIL back home and stay overnight to celebrate the New Year
1st we return home
They have come back today with a revised plan that now involves me having to do big dinner on 30th instead of lunch on 31st. Which must start by 6pm as relatives don't want to be out too late. It is not poss to do lunch on 31st cos it would mean that we wouldn't be at GMIL's house until evening (we are doing the driving, ILs aren't involved in this bit)not a prob for us or GMIL but apparantly totally impossible!!
I know I can rise above this and prepare all food in advance to make life easier but it is just the annoyance of being asked what suits us best and it then being disregarded and we have to fit in with them. Other suggestion was MIL would do meal in relatives' tiny bungalow to save me cooking. You couldn't swing a mouse in there let alone do a meal for nine (two of which are children and might like to play whilst adults are chatting) HELP!!!!!

I should also add that the ever changing list of food likes and dislikes is starting to get ridiculous

tell them the original plan sticks or you'll be doing thus every year from now on

seems you;re doing a lot here and they're just being rude

Whats the point in asking what suits you and then saying they are going to do it thier way anyway? Bite your lip and do it this year - at least you have christmas to yourselfves Next year go away or pretend to go away and stay hidden at home lol

I would pass the whole problem ,especially the cooking, over to your dh. His relatives therefore his responsibility. They are out of order and HE needs to tell them so. Why does your Mil think she is entitled to TELL you to have (her?) mother to stay ??

Let your MIL do the meal at the relatives - it was probably a bluff, and a way of getting you to do what they want. It might be crowded, but it's not at your place, and if your children get ratty or out of control its a great excuse to leave early yourself.

Well after much discussion with dh last night, who is as annoyed as me about this, we have decided to grin and bear it as much as possible but do things on our terms ie. menu and whether children are expected to sit and listen to adults instead of enjoying their toys (something my MIL insists on is that children are not allowed to play elsewhere if guests are in the house and what they do play with must not be disruptive)
DH has voluteered to at least attempt to cook the big evening meal on the 30th (I will do prep before hand and leave list of cooking instructions etc to do whilst I take GMIL out shopping) I have to say he is being very supportive and I think realises that I am trying my best but am battling against it.
The other thing we have thrown into the mix is that we aren't going to set off for GMIL's house until teatime on the 31st anyway so we are still going to have a nice lunch in their absence on the 31st, which GMIL has offered to pay for so will be VERY nice with lots of yummy treats (at GMIL's insistance as a thank you for our hospitality).