to think that inlaws should forgo football match to come to DS's birthday party?

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Am fuming. It's DS1's birthday party next weekend. FIL can't come as he is working (fair enough). But MIL has suddenly said that she can't come now because there is a home footie game on, and she is a season ticket holder so will be going to that.

Surely she can miss one fecking football match in the bloody season so she can come to her grandson's birthday which only happens once a year?! FIL also season ticket holder and can't use his as he is working and she is also moaning that she will be struggling to get someone to use his ticket as the usual people who'd use it (rest of family) will all be at DS's party!

Am also annoyed at the fact that DH doesn't see much wrong in it all, and the fact that he's annoyed at ME for saying that if MIL mentions the whole thing to me, I won't be able to just sit quiet - I'll have to tell her how I really feel i.e. very let down on behalf of DS. DH: "Oh, great, put me in the middle, why don't you?"

BTW, the party is a family one and something we do every year, DS will be doing something little with a couple of school friends after school on his actual birthday during the week. MIL has said that she will pop down during the week to give DS his present, but to me, that's not the point. She feels it's more important to go to a football match than go to her grandson's birthday party.

I have to say that me and MIL normally get on very well and so I'm particularly hurt at this.

It is a bit strange to go to footie match if the rest of the family will be at the party. How old is your ds?

Dd has never had any of her grandparents to any of her birthday parties. Children's parties are for children, not grown-ups, and I don't think there should be any necessity for grandparents to attend them.

Your child wouldn't even know they were there even if they did come; he will be too busy playing with his friends to give his grandparents another thought.

Let him have his birthday party with his cousins or whoever the family are. He won't be bothered whether they're there or not. People who don't support a football team don't understand the need for it, but ds1 has had to leave 3 parties early already this year as they've been at the same time as football. So YABU for having the party at the same time as the football (especially as you muct know they're ST holders .

Well to be honest.... You could have arranged his family party to be on a day/time when the footie wasn't on..

If it is something that your MIL always does, then I can see why she wouldn't want to miss it...

That said, I can see why you would be p*ssed off as she has made her priority clear, the football.

Will you have other family members there? If so then don't worry about it, your son probably won't miss her anyway...

YABU think that inlaws should forgo football match to come to DS's birthday party. FGS they are adults who are entitled to prioritise their social events. If you know the match is more important to them and you still want them there you should have your party on another day.

YANBU to be annoyed that she is also moaning that she will be struggling to get someone to use his ticket as the usual people who'd use it (rest of family) will all be at DS's party!. This is insensitive and makes her as bad as you in thinking that YOUR event should be OTHER people's priority!

YABU - It's traditional for grandparents to visit on actual birthdays, not parties.

Were I a season-ticket holder these days, I'd be loathe to miss a game unless I absolutely had to. They're too blardy expensive to do otherwise, tbh.

I would not arrange something important when there is a match on because my dad has a season ticket, and would afford the same courtesy to my FIL.

Am curious as to which team it is.

If your MIL accepted the invitation to the party and then changed her mind, YANBU. If she declined the invitation straight away then I can definitely see why you're annoyed - I've never seen the attraction of football! - but I guess that's why we invite people to parties - so that they can decide in advance whether to go.

My parents missed my opera debut because they had Lord's tickets. They have never attended any of my children's birthday parties, or made an effort to come to see them.

Actually morethanasong has hit the nail on the head.

The whole point of giving someone an invitation is so that they can decide whether or not they wish to go.

It is not a command to "be there or else"

Thanks for the replies. Shitehawk: this is definitely the same type of family-only party at home that we've had for the past 4 years (DS will be 5 this year). Am taking him and a few schoolfriends out to soft play place on his actual birthday mid-week. We have done the separate family-only party at home the past few years as it is just before Christmas and has been nice to also use occasion as a pre-Christmas family get-together.

I agree that GPs don't have to come to kids' birthday parties when it's the manic, all kids from his class, soft play place/hired hall kind of party (no money for that this year, otherwise we would have done that, and avoided this bloody palaver by not having the flipping family party at home!)

Despite what some people have suggested, we DID consider other people when arranging the time and asked whether morning or afternoon was more convenient for people. Would have had it on a Sunday when it might be easier for more people, but I'm at work then. The fact that a football match is on has not been mentioned at any time until today - if MIL had said ages ago that there would be a match on and she'd like to attend the match then we would have worked round that. Believe me, there are enough footie-mad people in the family to want to avoid a clash of dates! Why only mention it at the last minute?

Also, there is an option for season ticket holders to put individual match tickets up for sale at the mo and as far as I know she isn't even considering this. Just makes me for DS.

But you are right, when he's having fun running round with all his cousins and his brother at his party, he will probably not miss her. I think I'll just have to fume silently about this one. Still don't see why a bloody football match should take priority though......bloody football.... She'll probably try and insist on visiting on his actual birthday and then get a big mood on when I say we will be out with his friends at soft play!

Seems it was all just poor organising by DH who was in charge of liaising with his side of the family about the party. Typical bloke - piss up in a brewery and all that..... When arranging the party date, it never crossed his mind to check whether any matches were on. And apparently his mum is useless at checking these things too and only just realised. She must be feeling a bit as she's asked DH on the phone tonight if I'm upset with her (don't know how he got round that one!)

Anyway.....next year, we are going to have the kiddie-tastic hired hall and entertainer type of mad, chaotic party, and GPs can come if they want or not as they choose.

I still think blardy football though!