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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that grandparents should keep their promises?

20 replies

merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 11:03

every year there is a model railway fayre by us. we took ds last year and he loved it, spent hours watching the model trains going around. we had planned to go today and parents were supposed to pick us up at 10. 10.30 they rang and asked dh if i was still in bed and told me that they couldnt go after all because they were taking lil bro back to base. they were going to take him after we had been. ds knew we were going out today for a "surprise" and has been excited all morning. he's 3 and put his coat on at 9.30 because he wanted to go to his "surprise". money is tight at the mo, been made redundant from job after just 3m and dh is a student, so this was supposed to be one of his xmas treats.

this isnt the first time they have let him down like this, and im fuming. neither dh or i drive (i know we should, but i have been having sporadic lessons but health has been pretty poor) and we cant afford a taxi down there and back. tis not an easy place to get to.

Im so cross. they are supposed to come with us to see santa next week but ive a mind to tell them not to bother.

OP posts:
ISawMumiKissingSantaClaus · 07/12/2008 11:16

Oh YANBU! And they didn't even let you known until past the collection time either. So sorry for your little DS, he must be so

NewKnickersFromSantaOnMaHead · 07/12/2008 11:19

Oh no

Lauriefairycake · 07/12/2008 11:21

that's truly crap

I think you should tell them exactly what you have told us about him putting his coat on and about how hard it is for you to get there

ffs - really annoyed for you.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 07/12/2008 11:23

Is there a local park or something you could take him to instead, one good thing is he doesn't know what his surprise is so make it something really nice, outside and FREEEEE!!!

It can be done and at that age he will love the time you spend together whatver

PS YDNBU but put it behind you and have a lovely day

( Maybe you could do something christmas related??? I'm not good on inspiration but I'm sure the good ladies here could think of something!

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 11:24

the worst of it (well, not the worst but still pretty bad) is that i sent them a text at 10.20 to ask if they were n their way. so they werent even going to call. we had confirmed it last night too. have told ds that we will take puppy for a nice long walk and put the tree up instead. im fuming. wis i'd had a go at them but i revert to being a scared little girl around them.

OP posts:
StephanieByng · 07/12/2008 12:23

that's the key though I think, merry. If you don't tell them, they will carry on.

I do realise it's very very hard to speak up; but your ds is three now - if you can't do it for you, do it for him; TELL them how he was hurt so that they won't do it again. If you don't speak to protect him, who will?

Go for it! they were outrageous.

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 07/12/2008 12:25

that is crap

so sorry for your DS lissie

i think you need to tell them how disappointed HE is as well as you

or, they will carry on

i can't believe they weren't going to even tell you - that is such bad manners

Fillyjonk · 07/12/2008 12:26

no that is REALLY BAD

is it your parents?

I think you need to tell them how you feel.

They need to see that you are angry too

can't your brother get HIMSELF back to the base?

spookycharlotte121 · 07/12/2008 12:30

If your too scared to have a go at them face to face or over the phone then txt them.

Tell them about ds putting his coat on at 9.30 in anticipation and how exctied and then dissapointed he was by them canceling right at the last moment, and had they let you know sooner you might have been able to make some other transport arrangments.

I hope you have a nice day. Sorry that your ds was disapointed

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 07/12/2008 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piscesmoon · 07/12/2008 12:34

Tell them face to face- I believe it is very important to DCs-if you promise something you must keep to it.

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 12:52

thank you all so much, we have taken the puppy out for a lovely walk and dh is cooking sunday lunch now, while ds and i watch the polar express, am going up into the loft in a mo to get decorations down. will definately talk to them about it, im so cross. they have asked me about the santa visit next week, its at blists hill so we will walk around the victorian village complete with carol singers. they want to know how much it will be, and have said they dont know if they can make it because other lil bro may have to get into work ffs. i am sick of being last on their list. and even angrier that ds comes below two grown men who are capable of getting about themselves!

korma am in shropshire.

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 07/12/2008 13:09

Do not ever ask them to join in any fun stuff with your ds again. I allowed my parents to let my dc down for years and it was shite

She used to promise them days out etc and then let them down at the last minute (or not even phone at all) because my db needed something or they would do something with db's dc instead.

My dc and i have come bottom of the list for years so i know it feels crap. I had it out with my mum early this year. I asked her to please promising the dd's that she would be visiting on Tuesday then not turn up as dd's would be upset/cry etc.

So now they visit every 3-4 weeks for an hour or two instead of every week. They think they are getting back at me but they are punishing the dc. My 2 ds's (17 ans 13) can't/don't speak to them now after years of shite from them.

Don't let them do it yo you for years,it simply isn't worth it!!

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 07/12/2008 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 17:21

thank you anyway korma, that was v lovely of you.

agal, that sounds crap. think you are right and i will just have to be stricter with them. its their loss after all. ds may well be their only gc.

OP posts:
soapbox · 07/12/2008 17:52

I think that part of the issue is that you need to be less dependent on them for ferrying you about everywhere. I don't think that the parents of adult children should be responsible for them to this extent.

I think it was awful of them to let your DS down though, and would not be giving them another chance to do that again, anytime soon.

Just make plans to do things as your own little family, without your parents being there. If you don't rely on them for anything, then you won't be let down!

aGalChangedHerName · 07/12/2008 18:18

Merrylissmas since i stopped asking my parents for dinner every Sunday,to dd1's nursery xmas singing thingy and any other family events life has been soooo much easier. I can do my own thing,this year we are even doing xmas alone for the first time in 18 years.

If you have no expectations they can't let you down. I know what you mean about it being their loss but it is shit for the dc too. My ds's learned the hard way that nana had favourites and were hurt/let down over and over again

Get some supportive friends around you and when able to get driving!!!

Hope you and ds are ok xx

tiredsville · 07/12/2008 18:48

Next time you see them, explain to them how excited your DC was and if they don't think they can commit to an arrangement, don't bloody make one in the first place.

Ok, a one off fine. But to keep reoffending is a piss take.

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 21:04

soapbox, i certainly dont rely on them to ferry me around. i dont ask them to take me anywhere. they offered. i was going to put some cash aside and get a taxi until they offered to take us. i would never ask anyone to take me anywhere. i dont drive, therefore its my responsibility to make alternative travel arrangements if i want to go anywhere. my issue is that they let down ds. why promise to do something if you are going to renage on it?

OP posts:
Original poster
merrylissiemas · 07/12/2008 21:04

oh, and they offered to take us because they wanted to go!

OP posts:
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