My Mother In Law is driving me mad!!!...

[dottiepeas]

I had always thought my MIL was a lovely person, very helpful and kind UNTIL dd came along!!

She stayed over for 5 days, when dd was first born...which I thought was such a nice gesture at the time....until it got to the point, where I found her overpowering, and taking control of everything!!!

She thought it was better to bottle-feed, as it didn't do her children any harm! (Which is fine as its her choice...but that doesn't mean I should do the same!!!)

Now she comes and visits us every other weekend...which is O-k-a-ay....except, if we had plans for that particular Sat/Sun she planned to visit, she would not be happy!!! Which means basically, we end up planning things around HER.

She says things that I find really annoying, and talks to me like a child...my dh tries to tell me, she doesn't mean it in "THAT" way, and that I shouldn't take it to heart!!..She sometimes changes my dd clothes when she comes to visit, as if she's her OWN daughter!? (and no, the clothes were not wet/dirty!!)....Even though I am trying my hardest to like her....at the moment, I really can't stand my MIL!!!

Today, on her regimented fortnightly visit...she asked what I had got dd for xmas, and I said we bought a wooden play kitchen, and some wooden vegetables to go with it! She then proceeded to OPEN the present- which was boxed...and took it all out to look at it!! I probably wouldn't have minded if she had asked first??...but I would NEVER go to someone's house, and open someone's present!!!! I just felt it was wrong....and yet again, one of those things, that I keep to myself.

She stays all day on her visits...and if dd was having her afternoon nap, she would even go into her room and wake her up on purpose!!!...just because she was leaving!!!!

I know its only because she loves her grand-daughter....but I can't help finding her annoying!! Does anyone have the same issues with their MIL and tips on remaining calm when she's around!!!! :-D

what is the aibu question?

She sounds like a typical MIL. There's not much you can do rather then ignore it then come back on here and rant and bitch about it to make yourself feel better.

Is this .... CHAT???

You need to have a serious word with your DH/DP and put a stop to this now before it gets really out of hand

Okay...well, I'm guessing from your responses, this is all completely normal for everyone!!.......and that I should just deal with it!! I guess I am just letting off steam!!

I have LOADS of issues with my MIL. When DD1 wasa baby she thought she should have a dummy - I was BF very happily, explained that a dummy might affect this and that I really didn't want one. One day she just went out and bought one when and tried to get DD1 to take it while I was out! I was livid, but was not brave enough to do much other than mumble that I did not want it. Luckily DD1 didn't want it. She never really listens to what I say or ask for - I could go on all night about things she has done. In the end it all came to a head when she accused me of putting my job before my children when I went to work when one had chicken pox ( about 5 spots and no temperature, I only worked 2 days a week at the time). DH had to stand up to her and nowadays when I have had enough I just send him over to have a quiet word - they are my children , not hers. I just wish she would realise that if she pushed us less we would feel able to let her in more.

I would be livid if my MIL did this, you have to stop it before it gets worse. How does your DH/DP feel?

just like my mil was, all i can say is good luck, you're gonna need it

you need to put your foot down now!!! otherwise she's going to walk all over you

talk to her calmly and explain that you think its rude (re present) & disruptive (re waking up)and offensive (changing clothes)
maybe dont use those words but explain that her actions are becoming intrusive and would she mind letting you just get on and be the mother you need to be rather than just doing as she pleases and ignoring your routine, clothing choices etc

step 2 is get your dh to talk to her
step 3 - just go to her rather than her come to you, or restrict visits as deemed nesscessary

You need to make it clear what is and isn't reasonable. Have a chat with DH & make sure he will back you up, or better, will talk to her & you back HIM up.

As has been said, put a stop to this or she will walk all over you. Be firm!!

I suggest that when it's next time for her visit, say "We've got friends coming, can you make it the following week?" Invite the friends (or whatever you decide is your excuse) and stick to your guns.

Remember: your house, your child. She needs to be made aware that she is stepping over the line. Don't just roll over and accept it.

Good luck!

Dottiepeas your MIL is obviously making you unhappy and you need to do something about this, otherwise the resentment will grow and grow. You mention that you keep your frustrations to yourself, so she might then feel that what she's doing is absolutely fine (or might say this in her defense later).

Have you tried being assertive with her in a really kind but firm way, being pleasant the whole time - 'you really don't need to change her clothes thanks, I like her in the ones she's wearing' then take dd briskly from her arms?

Good luck with this one. If you can get things back on your terms then she won't miss out on the relationship with her dd and you will get the kind of support you want.