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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be appalled that my 4yo thinks only men can be doctors?

36 replies

fadingfast · 06/12/2008 15:21

And that only women are nurses?! I really have no idea where this is coming from. He is going through a stage of distinguishing 'boys' things and 'girls' things so I suppose it is all part of learning about gender identity. I was (am) just really and a bit that somehow these gender stereotypes are still filtering through.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 06/12/2008 15:31

well, surely he is at an age where you can still influence him and show him this is not the case.

TheFalconInThePearTree · 06/12/2008 15:32

Don't worry about it. You can teach him that his beliefs aren't true.

He's young and the world is very black and white to children of that age.

shitehawk · 06/12/2008 15:35

They will only filter through if you let them go unchallenged.

Talk to him. Find books to read where traditional gender roles are reversed. Make sure he grows up knowing that there is no such thing as a man's job or a woman's job.

He will learn about gender identity from you, and from seeing other people doing other jobs.

MrsSeanBean · 06/12/2008 15:36

Appalled is an over-reaction I'd say. He is after all, only 4.

And there was me being told on a 'MN is sexist' thread I started earlier to 'worry about more important things!'

basementbear · 06/12/2008 15:37

My just-turned-five year old thinks only men can drive!! (my fault - because I don't drive ). Even when he is playing games he always puts the lady playmobil figures in the passenger seat

Ivykaty44 · 06/12/2008 15:37

I used to think at aged four - that dogs were male and cats were female, that is how I thought in my own mind things were.

Not on a sexist level just in my own 4 year old head.

So perhaps it may be the same with your dc, he may just think that is how it is in a none sexist way.

AlistairSim · 06/12/2008 15:38

Are you equally appalled that my 3.5 year old thinks that only women can be doctors and was most suspicious at seeing a male doctor last time we went?

Ivykaty44 · 06/12/2008 15:39

ask your dc what gender is a chef?

pagwatch · 06/12/2008 15:41

it isn't a big deal. It is just a four year old has a very small frame of reference.

I am slightly more that you are so wound up about it.

My DD thought men do all the cooking and shopping and only women were allowed to drive when she was that age - just based on what was happening during her little day at that age.
She still thinks all Doctors are women as she has only ever seen female Paeds.

thegirlwiththecurl · 06/12/2008 15:43

don't worry about it - dh and I are both nurses but dd (6) still sometimes thinks dh is a doctor as men are doctors and women are nurses!!! We also have many female doctor friends, yet dd was not convinced - even when her own godmother was a female doctor friend. Amazing how these gender stereotypes are so strong

Gorionine · 06/12/2008 15:50

I would not worry to much He probably saw a picture of a nurse (woman) and a doctor (old man0 in a book in nursery or at school . Just explain to him it is not always the case.

When DS2 was in nursery, I got pulled on the side by the teacher one afternoon she said to me "DS was very rude with the TA this afternoon, he said to her can you help me "woman"? to her" I was bit surprised as it is not really what we do teach our children, but, after a converstion with DS (3 1/2 at the time of event) things got much clearer :
"I could not remember her name and she IS a woman" he managed to say between two tears. I realised then that the teacher had overreacted and should maybe have asked him what he meant instead of asuming he was being "sexist".
I told him that in the future, in any doubt he was to say "teacher" rather than anything gender related, more for his sake than the teacher's really.

I think we tend to read far to much in what children say because WE do have a lot of experience. Our DCs have yet to go through all the process of reading between lines and learn Political correctness. Must admit I am not too exited at the prospect...

LynetteScavo · 06/12/2008 15:53

Well I did hear of the son of a female GP who thought only men could be doctors......

Gorionine · 06/12/2008 15:54

Political correctness meant in the sense of saying the things you mean in a carefully thought about way, not as not being allowed to say something you thing because it might hurt someone sensitivity i do not think they make the difference whrn so little.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 06/12/2008 16:02

I have had this from my daughters too and from the neighbors' DS's who are all about 4 - 7.

I just point out that men and women can be whatever they want to be. They seemed accepting of that information. It is when adults tell them this stuff over and over again (such as a thread I saw last week about a grandfather telling his grand-daughter she couldn't play with 'boy's' toys) that gender stereotypes get reinforced.

Whenever I see a woman in a traditionally male role - construction, scientist etc. I make sure the DTDs have noticed her. I don't mind if they want a traditionally female job when they are older, but I don't want them just assuming they can't do certain jobs purely based on their gender.

Incidentally I was told (at age 18) that I shouldn't study engineering because I was female so no one would want to employ me. This was by a woman from the Windsor Careers Service too. That was in the early 80's.

simpsonsChristmasSpecial · 06/12/2008 16:10

My brother (now 21) thought all doctors were men too at around 4

I remember my mum taking to the docs (female) and little bro said he thought doctors were men and the GP replied that all the BEST doctors were women!!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 06/12/2008 16:12

I've had this as well, but it was the other way round! My 4yo dd looked at the male GP, turned to me and said "Mummy, where is the doctor? Doctors are ladies!" So I guess it just reflects their experience

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 06/12/2008 16:15

appalled is bit strong.and its your job to teach him otherwise.

prettybutterfly · 06/12/2008 16:19

My 4yo was horrified by the first female bus driver he saw. He almost didn't get on... argh! Needless to say, he doesn't even notice now.

Fret not!

Mercy · 06/12/2008 16:19

Yes, YABU.

He's 4 not 14

StephanieByng · 06/12/2008 16:32

Agree with others on here - no big deal. Very normal - kids of four are trying to make sense of the world and find their place within it - they deal in simple terms like men = drs because that's all they can cope with for now, but as they mature they of course gain a better and less polarised view; with guidance and information from parents/teachers etc! He'll get there, don't worry!

I found four and five the worst ages for the girls/boys at school seperating themselves and allocating boy/girl things/games.

starbear · 06/12/2008 16:33

In Ds (4) life time I have always had my hair short. The other day he said Mummy you've got hair like a man! We are a role reversed family. He still has strange ideas though. It's not a big deal as they are trying to make sense of the world. What really hurt me more is Mummy you can't sing your voice is yukky,stop singing. Cut like a knife I love singing

thirdname · 06/12/2008 16:45

well, my 2dc didn't believe their mum was a doctor either. ds said no, you are a mum, dd said no you are a nurse....

DoubleBluff · 06/12/2008 16:49

My DS's now both understand that Mum and Dad are both Police OFficers.
But will not believe me when I tell them that I can drive the big van.

prettybutterfly · 06/12/2008 16:55

Starbear, I've been told not to sing too
But it's probably for the best!

starbear · 06/12/2008 16:58

I've told my DH it's going to cost my Ds his university fee as I'm going to get a singing coach, man or woman (maybe a pretty look man)