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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in letting DS (5) sleep most nights in with me?

17 replies

JollyPirate · 05/12/2008 17:53

Just interested in a quick opinion here.

DS is 5 (nearly 6) and loves curling up in my bed at night. I don't actually mind this -I have a double bed and am now a single parent. Would much rather share my bed with DS than his father.

DS obviously loves this - he DOES have his own bed - a "soldier" midi bed with a camoflage/army style canopy. However, most nights he wants to get in my bed.

If he's happy and sleeping well (which he is) am I doing any harm? I work along the theory that children DO bedshare in some parts of the world and probably did so here at one time.

I don't anticipate this going on forever but while he wants to be with Mummy feel I shouldn't push him out.

Should add that I bedshared for the first 6 months of his life after which he went happily into a cot. The "sleeping in with Mummy" thing has been going on (on and off) since I split with his Dad and a part of me feels he needs the reassurance that Mummy isn't going anywhere.

OP posts:
thirdname · 05/12/2008 17:55

ds slept with one or other parents, on and off till 7 y old, dd1 till 5 y, dd2 still

BellsCarolsNSleighs · 05/12/2008 17:57

IMO YANBU.. he'll let you know when he's ready not to share .. sounds like he and you both need each other at the moment.

bigTillyMint · 05/12/2008 17:57

I'm sure it's fine - he won't still be doing it when he's a teenager

OTOH, if you meet a new man, he might not want to give his place up

YeahBut · 05/12/2008 17:58

Not unless it bothers you, which it clearly doesn't. I have to admit, if dh is away with work, I don't mind if one of the dc comes into my bed during the night. I find it as reassuring as they do!

SpinsterinScotland · 05/12/2008 18:05

I am a single parent too and DS is 3.5 and he ends up in my bed 99.9% of the time.

I try to get him to settle in his own bed (a wonderful toddler fire engine bed in his own room) and some nights he settles fine, and other nights it is a total battle.

If he won't settle and asks to get into my bed I let him as I know he will settle there and I am too exhausted to battle it out.

On the nights that he does settle in his own bed he usually ends up in mine by morning.

I must say that I love having him in bed as most of the time he snuggles in (sometimes he kicks and pokes me all night) and I think that he is comforted by it, then why not, but part of me worries that I should be more consistent with making him stay in his bed.

earthpixie · 05/12/2008 18:17

i think it's completely fine and normal. I LOVED being allowed into bed with my mum once dad had gone off to work. Why deny him the pleasure and comfort it obviously brings him? And you're right in many part of the world it's weird to not co-sleep.

Original poster
JollyPirate · 05/12/2008 18:18

Can sympathise with the kicking SiS

...and why do they sleep "east-west" when we sleep "north-south"?

OP posts:
Original poster
JollyPirate · 05/12/2008 18:18

Thank you everyone - feeling a bit less stressy about it now.

OP posts:
brightwell · 05/12/2008 18:22

My ds (almost 11) regularly sleeps with me....here's hoping he grows out of it soon.

Lotster · 05/12/2008 19:18

Sounds like a better solution than ending up in a toddler bed yourself for the night, which seems to happen to some of my friends whose kids want to co-sleep!

I personally couldn't do it, but my 2 year old is like sharing a bed with a spit roast chicken he wriggles so much - not to mention the sleep-headbutt on the nose I got last time he was poorly...

From what you've said it's providing re-assurance at an unsure time. Very sweet really.

Alambil · 05/12/2008 19:24

DS is still in my bed - he turned 6 in October just gone.

Not doing any harm IMPO

quaranta · 05/12/2008 19:28

you're doing the right thing and have summed up how i suspect your boy is feeling. he will eventually decide he wants his own bed. wouldn't worry at all, as long as you are both getting good night's sleep ! x

osborne · 05/12/2008 19:29

how lovely. i share with dh who i adore, but if he's away will bring one in with me. never slept with them as babies as too scared of squashing them. make the most of it, am jealous!

misshardbroom · 05/12/2008 20:05

my ds1 is 4 but he comes into us more or less every night. DH normally ships out into his bed so that we all get some sleep. Sounds crazy, but the whole family is a lot happier than if we were hideously sleep deprived and sniping at each other the whole time.

browntrout · 05/12/2008 20:18

jollypirate - comedian dylan moran said that when sleeping with adults children adopt the position known as the swastika. in my experience this is very true - arms and legs all over the place. still like having her with me tho.

Notquitegrownup · 05/12/2008 20:23

Another one with a 5.5 year old who sleeps with me most nights. DH either slides over a bit to his side or goes off to ds2s bed. I am happy with this arrangement at the moment. DS2 is deliciously snuggly and not at all wiggly.

DS1 is 8 and we coslept until he was 3 - his choice to stop. I can't imagine him snuggling in now - he looks more like a sprawling teenager. So I am expecting ds2 to need more space when he is 8+, but at the moment, we are happy.

MummyDoIt · 05/12/2008 20:33

DS2 (4) sleeps in my bed almost every night. DS1 (almost 6) joins us every now and then, and the cat comes along too. If find it comforting to have them in the bed, though it does get a bit much when they both snuggle up so I've got an arm round each of them, then the cat climbs on my chest! I'd rather my kids had happy childhood memories of snuggling up to mummy in a warm bed than feeling unwanted in their own beds. I'm fairly certain they won't still be doing it when they're 16!

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