To have huge problems with SIL to be

[HellsBellsItsANameChange]

Sorry for name change, but she's on here.

I used to walk her kids to school 10 yrs ago, fast forward to present day & she's become a nightmare...

A few years ago I began dating her brother in law. I thought she was OK but have since found out that she attacked her step daughter (aged 13 at the time)& regularly beats up her husband. He's a big bloke & quite rightly doesn't believe in hitting women, he just takes it, basically.

Our youngest children go to the same school. She recently broke her husbands arm because she's not invited to our wedding, yet played the victim. I'm now being ostracised at the school gates by some of the mums (they blank me when I say hello).
(our wedding is the smallest ever - just our parents & children, no brothers/sisters).

Any ideas why she would behave in this way? most people have congratulated us on the wedding. I feel that she is trying to spoil things. some advice on how to handle the situation regarding getting the 'evils' at the school gates would be appreciated.

I know this is a bit off the point, but I dont get the point of the namechange. The details in your post are quite specific, so surely your SIL will recognise you/herself anyway?

Are you hoping she will see it and back off, or am I being a bit thick?

you're not SIL to be are you ?????? Is it really that specific?

If so I think is's ME being a bit thick

Anyway, even if details are specific, I would appreciate any advice

I don't understand why you feel you are being ostraciszed because she broke her husbands arm?

I feel that anyone who inflicts violence on onother person is in the wrong. SIL to be broke her husbands arm, I have made it clear to her I think that is wrong.

Maybe it's a coincidence that the mums who were our mutual friends do not speak to me now, yet were friends before the incident?

I therefore feel that I am being ostracised because of this.

Has mumsnet turned into an ultra hostile environment since I was last here????

Sorry if you thought I was being hostile Hellsbells. I genuinely thought there cant be more than one mumsneter who has recently broken her husbands arm and previously attacked her stepdaughter.(Not me btw.)
I'm afraid I dont have any advice, I would just want to stay well clear as she sounds dangerous.

unavailable - respect...i hope broken arms for husbands (or wives) arn't a regular occurance.

speak to those who are blanking you individually and ask them why.
they will give you an explanaion and you can answer in anyway you see fit atthe time.

it may have nothing to do with this Sil.

but please out her as i would like to know if im speaking to a violant abusive twunt.

I don't expect much response for this post.

I'm in a complicated situation.

The brother in law (to be) brought up 5 children on his own after his wife left(I have huge respect for anyone who can do that) wife came back & took the youngest children. leaving eldest daughter.

Brother in law met current wife (she had children fron previous marriage). The daughter was made to sit seperately when they ate (won't go into detail of trauma caused)

The daughter is difficult (hardly surprising) but v intelligent (in her early 20s now,has written a book), have known her for years now. She's brilliant with my children. I understand where she's coming from.

Sorry, this is going off the point.

You might get the best advice from someone experienced in helping the victims of domestic violence.
Cos it's pretty difficult to give useful advice when one doesn;'t know the full story (and it's understandable that you might not want to post further details in case they do give you away) and a bunch of strangers on the internet also have to consider that you might be biased and might be leaving out essential information - or indeed you might be a malicious individual trying to start a rumour campaign against someone else.
I am not accusing you of any of the above, merely pointing out that in a complex scenario such as the one you outlined, it's difficult for anyone to be of any genuine use.

im not good at outing people as i just never remember who said what. but please do just name her...after all you have given plenty of detail here so im sure the super sleuth's of MN will hunt her out anyway.

she sounds horrific, i really wouldn't want to have anything to do with her.

yes what SGb said.

(thats the second time i have said that tonight my dear!)

why would she behave like this? the most obvious is that she is a control freak. she will hate the idea that something is happening that she not only cannot control but cannot even have any imput into.

I now feel that some people think it's acceptable for women to be violent towards men(god, I hope I'm wrong).

I know it's an unusual situation.

If my post had been about a woman being abused by her husband it would have been a different story.

If I've taken this all the wrong way, I apologise. I just wanted some advice on how to deal with a difficult situation.

Wouldn't know where to begin to give advice on such a difficult situation and I suspect others are the same which may be why SGB suggested getting some help from professionals. I don't believe anyone condones any kind of domestic violence though.

Do you get on with the husband? Could you talk to him and find out what the problem is regarding your wedding? Why does he not do something, at least on behalf of his daughter? Hmm... maybe that wouldn't help...

I am always in favour of as much honesty upfront as possible and at least in dealing with your oddly-behaving friends that should be reasonably possible, no?

Much sympathy, if not much help

as the victim on domestic violance i can assure you i do not take it lightly..whichever gender it is.