to want to tell my MIL to feck off?

[pgwithnumber3]

MIL is not your average Grandmother/mother, more a Joan Collins type, fleets in and out of our lives looking all glamorous. Been with DH for 13 years and in that time we have fell out with MIL because she is pretty selfish, she nearly ruined our wedding (we paid to take all DH's family abroad) and second time she didn't speak to us for 2 years because we forgot her birthday (DH and I were having HUGE problems that week, I had moved out and was staying with my parents, we had other things on our mind).

Anyway, cut a long story short, DH's business folded around 6 weeks ago, I am 31 weeks pregnant, have 2 DD's (6 years and 14 months) and DH and I have been in a pretty bad place for the past few weeks. She has called once and been to visit once. She lives 30 mins away and doesn't work. Her neighbour died a couple of weeks ago, I rang MIL to say I was sorry (she was friendly with this neighbour) and since then have not heard from her. It is like she will be wallowing in her fake grief and expect us to jump to her whereas she forgets that we are also having a very tough time at the moment as well. Not a phone call to see if any of us are okay, see how DH is or ask if I am getting on okay in my pregnancy.

I have got to the point where I am fed up of having to pick up the phone and see if SHE is okay and she never seems to reciprocate it. DH is used to her but I feel my DC deserve better. As a mother myself I feel like she should at least act like one to her son and a grandmother to her grandchildren.

In the 6 years since I have had DD1, she has not once taken any of the DC out for as much as a walk to the park.

AIBU to want to cut her out of our life?

kitty - that is the problem, we don't have expectations of her, I never ask for her help etc and call her to see if she is okay and she pops up every few weeks. Problem I have is that she has expectations of people but doesn't give anything back. I know have to decide whether I cut her out of mine and the DC's life. DH can do what he wants where she is concerned.

Why do you have to cut her out though?

It doesn't have to be so black and white.

You don't have to bow down to her expectations. If she choses to flounce then let her flounce. If she choses to join in then let her join in.

I don't see why you should always be the person to phone, she is not your mother after all.

If you want to phone then do so, don't do it out of duty, you have no duty.

So Kitty should I just be the bigger person and wait for her to next ring and be all fine with her?

You don't have to be fine, just be polite.

Concentrate on the good family and friends you do have. Leave contacting her to your dh. If she wants to see you later on, do so, but when it is convenient for you. Don't cut her off but you don't have to jump through hoops to placate her either.

Very good advice from you all, I knew it would be pregnancy hormones which would make me say something I would regret. Hence my starting this thread!

So, don't go out of my way to ring but when she does call here, be normal?

I see the reasoning, why should she bother me, I definitely feel like she is letting DH down though. That saddens me.

Yes, just be polite. She sounds like the kind of woman looking for a fight. Don't give her one.