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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed with MIL

13 replies

bettybeetroot · 02/12/2008 09:32

this might sound trivial (really i just need to get off my chest) we visited MIL a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't have much money and was moaning that she couldn't afford a load of logs for over the winter. I didn't say anything at the time but after we'd left I said to dh we should buy her the logs when he get's paid. so we did - i did the transfer of money etc otherwise dh would never have thought to do it. dh is away all month abroad now (but back by christmas) mil knows this, but she sent him a card (recieved this morning) written to dh thanking him for helping her out. sorry but this really bugs the hell out of me for some reason. am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
sunnygirl1412 · 02/12/2008 09:36

I can understand why you feel upset by this, and I don't think you're being unreasonable. Your mother in law should have thanked you too - she's just being rather thoughtless, imo.

2pt4kids · 02/12/2008 09:37

So did you transfer the money to Dh who then organised the log delivery? If so, it will be his name on the delivery and I guess thats why she thanked him?
If you organised it and she knows it was you that did it, then she is being rude yes.

If that is the case then pretend you never opened the letter to DH and say to her in a few days 'I just wanted to check that you had received the logs I ordered you? I hadnt heard anything and I think they should have arrived by now?' Might shame her into thanking you!

SantasNuttySTaff · 02/12/2008 09:38

i think she just thought that a he sorted the logs out for her as it wasn't mentioned by you at the time and she sent the card to the house rather than abroad (lack of address maybe?)

i think you are being a bit UB she's just thanking her son for something nice not knowing it was your idea

it was a lovely thing for you to have both done btw

Original poster
bettybeetroot · 02/12/2008 09:42

the thing is dh would never have thought to get them himself. he is so use to her talking about lack of money that it go's over his head. the thought came from me and mil would have known this.

OP posts:
chequersandroastedchestnuts · 02/12/2008 09:44

Pride? Maybe she can thank her son as he's a close relative but is a bit embarassed at having no money?

SantasNuttySTaff · 02/12/2008 09:46

in that case she's being thoughtless and a bit rude. Do you usually have a good relationship with her?

my mil would rather eat dog poo than say a word of thanks to me

2pt4kids · 02/12/2008 09:51

MILs always think their sons are wonderful! She will never have sat there and thought to herself 'my son is not this thougtful, it must have been bettybeetroot so I'll just thank her'
If she doesnt know it was your idea and the payment came from your DH its only natural she will assume it was him..

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 02/12/2008 10:36

Personally I think YABU, does it really matter who thought of it. I would imagine your DH said that's great idea and maybe even thanked you. You can't assume that she would have known you thought of this, and tbh it is best to leave her in the dark (afterall if someone does something nice or you do you start thinking was it them or did someone tell them to do it?), to say her son just nodded along whilst she was saying she didn't have enough money to keep warm over the winter and that you had to point out to him that you should help out isn't going to get you any brownie points either. A nice gesture is turning into a MIL issue becuase she didn't guess you thought of it.

Original poster
bettybeetroot · 02/12/2008 10:51

you're right it doesn't matter who thought of it. and i don't want brownie points either. mil would not have been thoughtless in not thanking both of us. quite the opposite believe me. i'm just use to ignoring all the little things she does but i guess i'm getting tired of it.

OP posts:
onthewarpath · 02/12/2008 10:58

That was a very nice thing you did, just burst with pride. YOU know who was the good one.

judgenutmeg · 02/12/2008 11:11

My inlaws have always thanked my dh for every present I have bought, holiday I have arranged and meal I have cooked. I consider it a lesson to learn for when by boys have partners.

I know who I will be thanking.

Uriel · 02/12/2008 11:13

Yes, mils never realise how much dils do for them.

Tortington · 02/12/2008 11:15

thoughtless.

you need to do it in your name in future.

my inlas phone up and dont make polite conversationw ith me, they always ask for dh, even when the issue is completely about me - like when am i next going up to visit its trez bizarre

mil was skint last time i went up so i put £20 in her hand and told hr to keep it to herself.

the thanked me - knew it was me and my idea.

been in your situation lots of times. its v. pants.

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