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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this wrong?

23 replies

MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 22:15

At playgroup a little girl (just under the age of 3) wet herself. The girl's grandmother started kicking off saying she was a "dirty girl" and going on about how much of a baby she was and how everyone was laughing at her ?!?! she then stripped her from the waist down and sent her off to carry on playing. This meant that she was playing with the other kids, on the toys, the floor etc naked from the waist down.

I was a bit about the "dirty girl" comments and then a bit freaked out with the nakedness (germaphobic here!)

AIBU?

OP posts:
2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 01/12/2008 22:17

yikes
how mean of the woman

TeenyTinyTorya · 01/12/2008 22:18

No YANBU - very cruel of the woman, and embarrassing for the little girl.

KatieDD · 01/12/2008 22:18

I had a nursery closed down for making similar comments (amongst other things).
It's a generation thing I think but totally unacceptable.

madlentileater · 01/12/2008 22:19

poor little girl- is she often in this woman's care?

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 01/12/2008 22:19

No YANBU, in fairness that is probably how it was done when she was a child and probably how she handled the childs mother too.

Really shows how peoples thoughts have changed though (thank goodness!)

MrsSanta · 01/12/2008 22:20

Horrible old cow, how mean. Poor child how sad, you dont realise how some people really do live until you hear stuff like this.
Glad to be normal here.

WinkyWinkola · 01/12/2008 22:21

Weird behaviour of the granny. Very weird.

Only positive thing is that the other kids probably won't care two figs and won't tease her about it.

Perhaps you could befriend the granny and next time it happens say, "Oh accidents happen all the time. My DCs often used to do that. My pelvic floor certainly isn't what it used to be. Never mind. She'll grow out of it." and create some jolliness.

I don't know. I guess there are worse things that happen to kids.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 01/12/2008 22:24

Very wrong. My niece has wet herself a couple of times at our house. She is four and still has very frequent accidents. MY SIL screams at her like a fishwife and says the most horrible things. She seems to think the poor child is doing it on purpose, which is clearly not the case but SIL is very volatile and there is no getting through to her. I feel so guilty standing there and letting her yell at the poor child but I can't intervene for fear of making things worse for her.
Anyway, hijack over, YANBU at all.

KatieDD · 01/12/2008 22:25

I think as you get older and have more kids you start sticking your nose in situations like this.
I would have handed the granny some wipes and spare knickers and talked to the little girl, saying we all have accidents don't we, doesn't matter etc etc.
I know it takes confidence to say these things but I also remember a woman's first child throwing up at playgroup and the mother said some awful things because she was soooo embarrased and stressed because she had no spare clothes.
Some times a kind word to the mother or granny can go a long way.

Cupofteaplease · 01/12/2008 22:25

Did anybody offer her a change of trousers? If dd1 had wet herself in public, I'd have to take her home- we never carry spare clothes anymore. I wouldn't have sent her off to play without any bottoms on, but I know she wouldn't care if I did as she loves being naked, strange little thing! (she is 3)

As for the comments the grandmother made- they were uncalled for. However, it is probably how she reacted with her own child. I know my mum, who is 60, has high expectations of children potty training. She'd never be mean to a child like the OP example, but she potty trained me at 18 months, so if I'd had an accident at 3, she's probably be 'disappointed' with me- but never nasty.

Colditz · 01/12/2008 22:26

I was chatting to a middle aged woman once who said she had both her girls dry by 20 months. I asked her how and she replied "I put them on the potty and slapped them if they got off without doing a wee, and if they weed on the floor I slapped their bare legs. It probably wasn't the nicest way, in hind sight. It worked though."

This is how they did it, ladies. And yes, it is vile.

Original poster
MrsSnape · 01/12/2008 22:28

The little girl is adopted (not that it makes a difference) but she does seem to be in the care of the grandmother most of the time.

The girl didn't react to the names and nastyness at all, just completely blanked it out as if she'd heard it all before

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 01/12/2008 22:29

Poor child.

thumbwitch · 01/12/2008 22:30

possible that the Gma didn't have a change of clothes for her but that doesn't excuse the nasty comments.

MrsSnape - you are having a bad run with people you know at the mo, aren't you!

PheasantPluckingACarollingLute · 01/12/2008 22:33

Crikey. That wasn't very nice of the woman.

herbietea · 01/12/2008 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/12/2008 22:54

Lets hope the doddering old bag doesn't get incontinent!!!!

dsrplus8 · 02/12/2008 00:44

OMG ! id have said something to the old bag, how did she think it ok to have her gd semi naked at playgroup? would she like to be striped to the waist in public? i think not. has someone told the childs mother? she must not know whats happening ,i think shed be furious if she knew about this ,its abuse of some kind .please tell the mum!!!!

phoebebouffet · 02/12/2008 22:19

Yes very wrong diddly worng wrong! Poor little thing.

phoebebouffet · 02/12/2008 22:19

Yes very wrong diddly worng wrong! Poor little thing.

juneybean · 03/12/2008 01:23

how horrible

at my nursery, there's a little boy who gets called a puff by his dad if he starts to sniffle when dad leaves. it's an awful way to refer to a 2 year old.

ChippingIn · 13/04/2009 22:57

Oh FGS letting her run around naked at that age is not abuse. I wouldn't do it for fear of upsetting some of the other Mothers, but that's all. (I would have used wipes on her first though!!)

The way she spoke to her...that does need dealing with, but by the sound of it, I would think the Mother would be well aware of what the GM is like!!

I was out of nappies day & night at 16 months. My Mum was determined I would be , she didn't smack me or shout at me. However, I think it does explain why I can't - leave the house, go to bed or get in the bath without having a wee first!! So whilst it was convenient for her, I think it set me up for a lifetime of inconvenience! But it was all done with good intent.

ChippingIn · 13/04/2009 22:59

OMG how did I end up on such an old thread??

Sorry!! At least it was only 1 page long

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