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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my triplets eating chocolate???

61 replies

Timesofhope · 01/12/2008 21:00

My triplets are now 3 months old and with christmas coming up my mother-in-law keeps saying that she has bought them white chocolate and they will be eating it at christmas. She also gave one of them a little chocolate icing from a cake yesterday which really annoyed me as me and the OH don't want them eating chocolate just yet.

We did speak out and ask her to please not give any of them chocolate but she won't listen and just started an argument about the whole thing. I have also read that solid food should not be given at all until 4 months so this has annoyed me as well. She really can't respect our wishes and keeps doing things that we are not happy with and having a go at us for asking her not to.

Is it so difficult to just do as we ask?!

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 01/12/2008 21:59

nappymumy, don't make assumptions about BF multiples. there is a lady who in america who breastfed sextuplets!!!
and I have heard of a lady with only one breast who fed her twins.
amazing.

wuglet · 01/12/2008 21:59

Beautiful girls

Tell MIL to bugger off! (Prob not the best suggestion - I imagine you will want all the family help you can get with that brood!)

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 01/12/2008 22:00

They are so gorgeous!

I'm afraid your DP is going to have to be strong and tough and protect his girls. He needs to talk to his Mum and explain that times have changed and you are going with the no solids till 6 months rule.

Mung · 01/12/2008 22:03

I cannot believe that she seems to think you ought to be going to visit her on public transport with 3 babies. She sounds a little mad. I was firm with my MIl and made it very clear that it was my choice as to what happens with my children. She got the messaege...slowly.

jempurd · 01/12/2008 22:04

beautiful babies, they'd look sooo much cuter with smudges of chocolate all over their faces....

p.s I'm totally with you on this, you need to get a stop and search guy on the door to frisk her on her way in

NotanOtter · 01/12/2008 22:07

GORGEOUS!

i am with you on this - people always do this with kids - it goes on throughout childhood

ds has triplet girls in his class - a force to be reckoned with

Horton · 01/12/2008 22:11

Your girls are lovely, Times.

I had a similar (only not quite so appalling) thing with my MIL. When my daughter was 6mo and starting to eat real food, she kept asking 'Can't she have a bit of sugar on her fruit? Can't she have some jam on her toast?' etc.

I just said 'NO, she can't and I'm afraid if you don't like it, you'll have to lump it.' Takes a bit of guts or a bellyful of fedupness but it does work eventually, although I had to say it A LOT. Just tell her they are tiny and you are their mum and you will decide what they need (which doesn't include chocolate at 3mo). Good luck!

Original poster
Timesofhope · 01/12/2008 22:11

Thank you for reassuring me that i'm not going mad - I will have to stick to my guns with the weaning issue no matter how much i'm told i'm being stupid. The exact words she used were 'D and M had it (My DP's cousins), J and B had it (my DP and his brother) and they didn't die'

What a nice way to put it. I havn't used full names just in case someone I know uses these forums and reports back.

To answer some questions as well, yes they were conceived naturally, and they are bottle fed. I totally understand as well that she wants to hold all three but if they are sleeping then they get left alone and its the comments about not being allowed to hold them that get me. I would never stop anyone from seeing or holding them so to suggest that is just being dramatic.

OP posts:
geordieminx · 01/12/2008 22:13

I was starting to think about trying for number 2...... imagine if it was 2,3,and 4.... dear lord!!!

Stick to your guns! You have 3 gorgeous girls! (Hope you are from the red half of L'pool btw)

KatieDD · 01/12/2008 22:14

Wow you'd think having three of them she'd want to help not hinder.
I would find some printed medical information and make her read it, or is there a doctor/nurse in the family that could put her straight.
Just think in the long term you're going to need her involved rather than alienated.

moston · 01/12/2008 22:14

babies shouldn't be weaned till 6 months

you are doing the right thing

white chocolate is also bastardised shit

mawbroon · 01/12/2008 22:15

I didn't ever come across pressure quite as bad as this with my ds, but what i did was whenever there was food around, say to him in a loud voice "oh ds, none of this for you for at least another x weeks" when x was 26weeks minus his current age of weeks!

That made it very clear to others that there was no way he was going to be given food before then, but not as a response to them trying IYSWIM.

moston · 01/12/2008 22:17

White chocolate isn't actually "chocolate" - it's a combination of cocoa butter, sugar and milk. It's still bastardiesd shit!

EachPeachPearMum · 01/12/2008 22:25

Ooh- they are gorgeous!!!
Are they identical? (can trips be identical?) Louise and Ellie look soooo similar!

DP needs to step up and tell MIL where to go.
We had loads of people buy chocolate and sweets for our DD when she was teeny- DH and I just scoffed it all ourselves

babbi · 01/12/2008 22:52

Your girls are absolutely gorgeous !
I am SO SO jealous !
I wish you all the best in enjoying them .

chequersandroastedchestnuts · 01/12/2008 23:03

Oh I'm really glad this thread has moved onto us getting a look at the three of them, so gorgeous!!!

(YA totally NBU by the way)

elkiedee · 01/12/2008 23:05

Of course you're not being unreasonable! I would have been outraged by someone wanting to press sugar for the sake of it on ds at 3/4 months - generally now I prefer him to drink just milk and water although we do share sweet things with him in cafes but he's nearly 19 months old, and it's more a case of sharing things with him. I still wouldn't give him sweets specially rather than a taste of something I'm indulging in myself.

pooka · 01/12/2008 23:11

Also re: the recommended guidelines for weaning, were they born early, because if they were I would be tempted to hold off as long as possible on solids weaning to allow for some adjustment for prematurity. 3months is too young!

And you and dp are their parents, so what you say should be the last word.

Incidentally, I am not averse to chocolate for children, and dd did have tiny bits when she started weaning. But your babies, your choice.

pooka · 01/12/2008 23:12

And they're gorgeous, by the way.

treedelivery · 01/12/2008 23:26

Just calmly say these are your and dp's babies and until they start arguing back this is how it is.

If you get the 'it didn't kill so-and-so response' say 'which is amazing really isn't it when you think how silly it is to do that'

I did and it got through. MIL was a bit miffed and no doubt had a good bitch about me to her mates, but why are we always tip toeing around them yet they drive right through us!!??

Be warned - the pattern set now with this relationship is the one your stuck with till those babbas are 16, so start as you mean to go on.

They are truly scrumptious btw, but can I admit to being particulary struck with Chloe?

VinegarTinselTits · 01/12/2008 23:34

Timesofhope take your mil for a day trip out on the ferry, when no one is looking, a swift kick and she should go over board

Just say she jumped

Obviously shes a nutcase

NotanOtter · 01/12/2008 23:57

likin your style tinseltits

delphinedownunder · 02/12/2008 00:16

Oh my goodness - is this my mother? She was just like this with my twins, always trying to feed them complete crap (like mashed potatoes and gravy with a load of salt) at three months because 'mummy's milk is drying up'. And what nonsense - they were BF until nine months when they started to bite me (little monkeys). AND my mother used to refer to herself as 'mummy'. Mad as a box of cut snakes. i wish i had a kind and diplomatic solution for this, but i don't. i just kept my babies away at mealtimes and was absolutely dogmatic about their diet.

NotanOtter · 02/12/2008 00:23

are you really called delphine -Delphine ?

i only ever met one and she was LOVELY!

Jackaroo · 02/12/2008 03:28

ToH - I think there are two separate "challenges" here. First the chocolate, whether the child is 3 months, premmie, 2 years or whatever, the children do not belong to your MIL, and therefore you have to stick up for them. What's the worst she can do, really? Threaten not to come round? Bitch about you to people you don't know? My DS's godmother was really cross and offended when I said that DS wasn't having eggs at Easter, and said "well I only got a small one because I knew you weren't giving him chocolate" . I relented, DS looked as if I'd given him nirvana in a box, and I've been rueing (sp?) the day ever since...everyday we have a "fight" about whether he can have a "special treat"...

The answer is no, it will always be no (as far as your MIL is concerned) and keeping babies out of the way might be the only way it gets through to her.

Underlying this, I suspect, is her feeling unneeded, her maternal days are over (maybe just as well, although obviously your DH came out of the experience OK). I heard a lot of this (not calling herself mummy but referring to it constantly as "our" baby) myself from my mum, and the "I never get to see my grandson" (because she chose to live 2000 miles away) etc etc. It's sad, it's overwhelming when you're dealing with children who really are children too, but it's NOT your problem.

As said already, if you don't keep setting the limits (grandparents and children, it's exhausting) you will become overrun with wired children, and petulant wilful grandparents and your life will be a living hell and constantly full of extra guilt. It is not your job to make up for another person's anxieties, real or perceived!

Hope I didn't scare you

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